Feeling trapped

[WFRS]

17:51WFRS

I've been with my husband for 20 years and have two children 7 and 11. I am super unhappy I cringe when he initiates sex and when we do have sex I feel like crying. I feel like my whole life is one big pretend and I'm just on a ferris wheel going round and round. I am also gay but have been in denial my whole life (my family would not approve). I had a year long affair with my best female friend - which she recently ended as she wants to try and make her marriage work for her children. She says I'm her soul mate and will always love me but can't see a way out. I don't actually believe she loves me otherwise why would she let me go? We recently went out on a works do together had too much to drink and kissed after a month of no contact! I feeling like I'm back to square one and hurting all over again. I know I'm not being fair to my husband but I cant help the way I feel - I know I'm not in love with him - but can't see a way out. Feel super depressed and don't want to wake up in the morning - trying to stay strong for my children. Has anyone been in this situation ?

It would probably be fairer to your husband to leave him? Or at least to tell him you are gay and give him the choice.
I do understand the family not approving thing but if you are this unhappy, then maybe you are going to have to face their disapproval in order to be true to yourself. It doesn't seem tenable to continue the way you are, not fair on anyone.

That is very sad obviously, I do know people who carry on living in the same house with their children and do not actually divorce because neither of them want to leave the children, I think you should be honest with your husband, and at least for now just try and live together as friends only, until such a time that you can both come apart naturally, and perhaps when the children are a little older, this will give you both the chance to break up gradually.

Would it not be fairer to everyone if you left your husband? You are not living an honest life, as well as being unhappy. Can you envisage a better life and a more truthful one? If this sounds harsh, I am the daughter of a male and female couple, one of whom was gay. They stayed in a very unhappy marriage for years and years for my sake. Such things do not end well.