Shared present annoyance

[WTF0ver]

It's my mother's 70th soon and DB is wanting to go halfers with me on her present.

DB works away from home and earns ££££££. Last time that we got a shared present for our dad it was a driving experience which they went and did alone (DB got a go as well) and I didn't even get told about it until the next day And while I'm not a car person I was a bit miffed that they'd just buggered off without even letting me know that the gift I'd helped buy was being used. This was many years before my DB got his high paying job and I think that he often forgets now that not everyone is in the same income bracket as he is.

So usually he and his wife buy our DM flowers for her birthday, a big fancy bouquet. My parents are simple people who have no hobbies (apart from gardening) and don't go out drinking or for dinner together unless it's a family meal.

SIL's parents are younger and enjoy drinking and having fun. They like to party and often have weekends away. SIL's mother likes to be spoiled and have people spend lots on her. My parents don't care about gifts and frequently tell us not to bother with presents etc (we still buy stuff though of course).

Anyway, my DB has basically vetoed my suggestions of a gift for our mother. I get a discount on travel through work that would make it semi affordable for me and was going to take mum away (which DB was initially thinking was a good idea) however a couple of the locations on this particular trip are "crap" apparently. I also found a concert that I think she might enjoy but again DB laughed at that suggestion. My idea was lunch and then the concert afterwards but now I feel back at square one.

He wants everyone to go to fancy log cabins for a couple of days, coupled with dinner in a v fancy, v expensive hotel. The log cabins themselves would be nearly £1k, never mind the rest of it. Also his young kids would be there, which I don't think my parents would find relaxing. I could just imagine DB and SIL getting drunk while my parents are stuck watching their kids. And he knows they don't like being in a group socialising or drinking. Playing drinking games?! I think he's getting them confused with SIL's parents. I really don't know where his thinking is on this.

I'm on the verge of telling him to sort out his own present. It's stressful trying to figure in someone else's wants while already stressing over what to get mum.

I'm on the verge of telling him to sort out his own present
There you are then. Sorted.

I'm on the verge of telling him to sort out his own present
There you are then. Sorted.

Agreed !!!!!

I think you know what your parents would enjoy. If they won't like his suggestions then just get them something you know they'll like and leave him to sort his gift himself.

I would do your own thing op.

Just tell your brother you both have different ideas and you'd rather do your own thing this year

If he can just veto your ideas then you can do the same if you don't like his. It's probably better you both organise your own presents to be honest. Even if you could agree it sounds like he'd railroad the entire thing to his own liking rather than keeping what your DM would actually like in mind.

Do your own thing this year.

Another one saying that you should tell him that you will be doing separate presents this year.

Separate presents. There’s no need to be in this stress- so get out of it! I don’t think mum would like any of your suggestions and they are really expensive, and you have shit on all mine, so let’s do this separately.

Tell him to sort his own present and you'll sort yours. Don't engage in further discussion about it and next time he suggests joint presents, say no straight away.

Blimey, he sounds like he’s in a world of his own, bless him (rolling my eyes very hard here!)

Just sort your own thing out and tell him very firmly that your parents won’t like his idea and would prefer something simpler.

Why are you even still entertaining his shared present rubbish? I'd have told him no more thanks after the driving experience.

Exactly what @marblesgoing said. Don't stress about it just say is don't think they'd enjoy that and it's out of my budget anyway so I'm just going to get x for them on my own, thanks db'

Sort out your own gift for them that's something you can afford. I think your ideas sound lovely.
Ignore your brother - his ideas seem more about him than your parents. He wants you to chip in so he can have a good time? Jog on mate.

Hi I spoke to him and told him I'd prefer to get something I can afford and that we should both get our own gifts, he was fine with it. So that's a relief, can sort out something without having to worry about his thoughts on it! Thanks for all the comments.

I'd just organise your own present.

I made the mistake of going halves on a present for Mum earlier this year. Far more than our usual present budget, but I was put on the spot a bit.

Roll on Dads birthday and DB is questioning why we aren't spending as much on DF. We just can't afford it! Our income is smaller than DB's and his partner ( two incomes and no children) and we stick to a budget for everyone, in laws included.

Had to have an awkward conversation but it had to be done!

Good decision OP. Your gift ideas sounded much nicer. Your parents sound like me and DH and I'd definitely prefer your gift. I couldn't think of anything worse than a log cabin weekend.

Yeah I felt put on the spot too! I think he usually gets his wife to sort out presents for everyone (he's away a lot) but for whatever reason decided to piggyback on to my present buying!

Glad I put a stop to it. I don't mind log cabins if it was a friends thing but my parents wouldn't be into that at all, forced drunken socialising haha.