How to make my DD feel loved and special?

[Sunbo]

My DD is 6 and got upset yesterday saying that she thinks me and my DH don’t like or love her which is heartbreaking :(

I think it’s because she feels she is competing for attention with my younger DS who is a demanding toddler. Also she is sensitive, and generally very well behaved, so she takes any small amount of telling off very much to heart.

She does get some 1 on 1 time every week with lots of attention, ie reading, playing games etc. But my DH thinks that whatever we do it will never be enough for her as she has always demanded a lot of attention since being a baby, and she can be quite intense.

So I have a day with her next week as it’s half term so have booked it off work, but my DS will be in nursery so will just be the 2 of us. How can I make it a special day for her and make her feel special and loved?

Give her one to one time every day.

The key is consistency so she can learn to expect time with you each day. 15 minutes would do to start; extra time before bed to sit and chat or whatever;d oesn't need to be anything spectacular.

Make sure you turn the telly and phones off. She just wants to have you with her in the moment.

One on one time once a week doesn’t seem like much. Can you read her a story each night without her brother being there?

Next week I would spend time at home together. Reading, making stuff, playing board games etc.

How do you think Sue Radcliffe manages?

I think something everyday will help more than a special treat.

A one to one chat before bedtime was always really important to me. Could be bathtime or once she is tucked up in bed. It was only ten minutes or so but I was my special time with my mum and it was when I would open up about school, friends, home whatever.

Oh and when you do have the day off next week, can she do the planning for you both? With help of course but then she can have lots of fun with you and 19 hot chocolate stops and also praise for choosing something soooo lovely. Even if that uses all your acting skills!

Thanks for the replies. I do always put my DS to bed first so then we have time together to do her reading practice and I read her a story / we chat before bed. My DH does the same when he is home on weekend evenings. She has a few other times most weeks when either me or DH play or do something with her 1 to 1. It just never seems to be enough to make her happy :(

For that one day let her choose and do exactly what she wants.

You should be careful about what you are doing with your DH there, you are making a horrible role for your daughter and those things stick forever. Stop saying it.

Maybe silly suggestion but my password on the laptop is my dd's name and age. The key safe outside is her dob. My dd is a little older than yours, but she said it made her feel important.

FaFoutis

I don’t understand your comment? Please can you explain?

I think if you truly feel that you’re doing everything you should, then perhaps she’s just being a bit dramatic.

A lovely day out just the two of you should be just the ticket - and I don’t really agree the 'just say yes' theory, I think it should be something that you would BOTH enjoy.

I'd look up love bombing it's a horrible phrase but we do this about 4 times a year with our dc and they love it.
Each parent has one dc, they swap over. We stay a night in a cheap hotel and spend a day doing exactly what they want.

my DH thinks that whatever we do it will never be enough for her

It just never seems to be enough to make her happy

It's both of you, it pays to be conscious of it. Parents give their children roles or personality traits that are often unjustified or wrong.

I often planned a day off work in holidays when my eldest was at school but twins were in nursery we'd do things together that either he enjoyed or were impossible to do with baby/toddler. For example a museum exhibition that he'd be into, he loved trains so a train ride to cinema or swimming, lunch out. He also loved making his own scrap books and would collect the tickets and we'd take some photos and write about what he'd done.
He's a teen now and still talks about those day trips!

Really notice and praise her for any good things she does. Tell her you think she is such a grown up special girl, and you really appreciate the help she gives you with the toddler. Really big up how the toddler looks up to his sister and how much he loves her.

FaFoutis - I see your point now, thanks

Ok Sunbo, I think we all do it when overloaded with other stuff.
I found myself being a bit negative about my middle son and have just spent today alone with him doing exactly what he wanted (exhausting). We are both much happier tonight.

The good thing is your daughter is able to articulate what she is feeling. She is telling you now (not a therapist in 20years time) so you get a chance to do something about it.
She might like it if you tell her very specifically the things you like about her. Just as you go along in daily life, you can point out to her when she’s been kind, when she’s tried hard, that she has a lovely smile or a great sense of humour etc
The other thing is to be available to her when she wants. Sometimes it’s really easy to say, ‘not now’ if your child is wanting to talk when you’re in the middle of something. Obviously there are some things which can’t be interrupted, but where possible, stopping for 10 mins to listen can make a real difference.
Hugs. Always good too!