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Original poster

DH - elections - being dense or is this fine

30 replies

Catchytune · 25/10/2019 19:12

DH has a habit of talking in cliches and set phrases, Drives me mad but he quite enjoys doing that!

He’s been away with work (U.K.) and we were coming back from the supermarket. I brought up the election which he hadn’t heard might be in December. I asked him who he would vote for.
He said he would read their manifestos and vote accordingly.
I said surely it’s just going to be Brexit ( given that you can’t have a four year plan unless you know what’s happening ) and would he vote tactically?
He just replied that he has already said that he would read the manifestos.

This is annoying me because he isn’t being honest.
Clearly the subject interesting in how an electon would work this time round but he won’t discuss it .which is fair enough but why not say that? Given the amount of lies and facts that aren’t facts swimming around manifestos are the last thing you’d consider this time round.

Isn’t being able to have a honest conversation about important events, not a key component of marriage? I don’t need to know his vote but I’m interested in his views. My friends and family talk about the news quite freely. Do other people not talk politics at home?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2019 19:14

I asked him who he would vote for

I don’t need to know his vote

Which is it OP? Surely reading the manifestos is the right thing to do before making a vote?

AutumnRose1 · 25/10/2019 19:20

"This is annoying me because he isn’t being honest"

Why do you think he's not being honest?

And why not stop bugging him generally about it.

FallenSky · 25/10/2019 19:23

If you don't need to know his vote why did you ask him who he'd vote for? Hmm
It's none of your business.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 25/10/2019 19:26

I don't understand what your problem is.

Your husband is right, you should base your vote on a Party's manifesto and what they have done to date, not one single issue, however important that issue is. Too many people have suffered over the past nine years and that has to change irrespective of what happens with Brexit.

YukoandHiro · 25/10/2019 19:27

Is anyone else here thinking it's odd to not know who your DH is going to vote for? I mean, shared values etc? As if it's not a core thing people know about their partner - especially in a time like this.

AutumnRose1 · 25/10/2019 19:30

"I mean, shared values etc? "

That can't always happen, my parents were together sixty years but often voted differently.

WeeDangerousSpike · 25/10/2019 19:44

I grew up with parents that voted differently. They joked that they 'cancelled each other out'

DP and I are very different politically. To the point there are some issues badger cull that we just can't discuss, because we will never agree and it will end in a row because someone will feel attacked or belittled.

It annoys me sometimes because I would like to have a rational discussion about different points of view, but he will resort to saying my pov is 'stupid' or just shout over me or refuse to accept a fact that supports my pov as truth. I've just accepted I will talk about these things with other people instead. Like he doesn't talk to me about football.

However, I really don't know what he did wrong. He told you how he will decide who to vote for, and presumably that is what he will do. It's not wrong, just different to what you think is important. Which is kind of why we vote in the first place, instead of someone just deciding what's right and everyone else having to lump it.

What I'm really interested in is what masterplan you think will solve brexit? Cos as far as I can see, whichever way we turn, we're fucked....

thetardis · 25/10/2019 19:45

what's dishonest about waiting til you red the manifesto? after all, that's what you're (notionally) voting for.

smoresmores · 25/10/2019 19:47

I think voting for Brexit is playing into their hands. That's the bulk of what we are going to hear in the campaigns but there's so much more to think about. This party may be in power for 4 years. You'd be a fool to not read the manifestos if you're on the fence about who to vote for.

It seems as though you have a fixed idea of how things should work. Maybe he's avoiding the conversation because he doesn't feel like defending himself other something fairly routine?

thetardis · 25/10/2019 19:48

i have shared values with dp. i wouldn't make any assumptions about the way he'd choose to use his vote in an election.

(if he was brave enough to admit to voting tory i'd admire his ability to have the piss ripped out of him henceforth and forever... )

Quartz2208 · 25/10/2019 19:48

I am not sure what your issue is? If no deal is removed from all manifestos (apart from the Brexit Party?) and Labour and Conservatives agree on leaving (just not on the deal) then surely looking at manifestos are important.

Or do you want to know his Brexit view?

ginghambox · 25/10/2019 19:50

Of course he should read the manifestos.
And when he's stopped laughing vote Conservative.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 25/10/2019 19:51

I don't tell my DH who I have voted for. He knows my political views so can probably guess how I've voted. Not always though. Grin As he can make a question on what he’d like for breakfast into a 2 hour discussion [rant] on society I tend not to use key trigger words Grin

Fifthtimelucky · 25/10/2019 19:55

My husband and I sometimes vote the same way, and sometimes don't. We both read the manifestos (not necessarily cover to cover, but at least the bits we're most interested in) before making up our minds.

If we have an election in December I'd have thought there would be quite a few people (us included) who will not necessarily find it easy to decide who to vote for. It's not just about Brexit. We'll want to know about other plans too

Ginger1982 · 25/10/2019 19:59

Gosh, how boring...

Tableclothing · 25/10/2019 20:00

Isn’t being able to have a honest conversation about important events, not a key component of marriage?

Times and places, OP. Poor bloke has just got back from work trip and traipsing round the supermarket on a Friday night. I think he's most likely bored shitless of talking about Brexit, and saying about the manifestos might be true, or might have been an attempt to shut the conversation down.

SwedishEdith · 25/10/2019 20:07

Is anyone else here thinking it's odd to not know who your DH is going to vote for?

Yes, I can't imagine not knowing or discussing it.

Fink · 25/10/2019 20:21

Is anyone else here thinking it's odd to not know who your DH is going to vote for?

It depends. I know all my family and close friends' political views, but nowadays most of them don't identify strongly with one particular party. So I'd know roughly what sort of party they would vote for, but perhaps not the exact one. And I wouldn't directly ask them.

I had a proxy vote for 3 people during the European elections (family holiday). One of them habitually uses me as a proxy because she regularly works abroad. The other two haven't used a proxy before and I had to have several circular conversations with them where I pointed out that it was their vote and I would vote for whichever party they chose (I wouldn't have accepted to be their proxy if I thought there was a chance they would have chosen a party I find abhorrent). They were both under the impression that they had handed their vote over to me and that I got the final say on how to use it. Now that was when I could really have done with knowing exactly how they wanted to vote. Other than that, I'm not sure it's relevant and I certainly would be hesitant about telling people how I vote (mainly because my grandmother, born before women had the right to vote, had a massive hang up about it, which I have inherited).

vinoandbrie · 25/10/2019 20:52

Voting in this country is private. It’s between the individual and the ballot box they’re in. No one else has a right to know. And for that we should all be grateful - the alternative would pitch us into somewhere that none of us would like to live.

Quartz2208 · 25/10/2019 21:09

This election is a really odd one. I broadly know the political leanings of all my family but frankly none of us has a clear idea of where we are going to go in this one

ragged · 25/10/2019 21:33

2 be brutally honest, my game plan is plain old fashioned strategic voting: hold my nose to get the least bad option. The Tories have done 10 things to make clear they don't want my sort or my vote, so the only clear decision is not to vote for them.

AutumnRose1 · 25/10/2019 21:38

I think I voted for the least worst option the last three elections Sad

Original poster
Catchytune · 25/10/2019 23:32

I know what he voted in the referendum as does he with mine. We alwsys vote the opposites way so I am genuinely interested in his choice of party. He has different reasons for choosing who to vote for and It’s not the end of the world. We are both decent people regardless of ideology.

The point is, he’s being bloody annoying not discussing a fairly normal thing but mainly because hes making up bollocks about a manifesto. I know he’s not bothered ; wouldn’t get a proxy vote for example if he was away.

And this election is just strategic - it’s a completely unheard of election....worth a conversation.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 25/10/2019 23:38

So does it seem to you that he's being deliberately cagey because he doesn't want to have to justify it to you right now? That's how it comes across to me. You think that he knows perfectly well how he will vote but doesn't want to admit that.

OhMyDarling · 25/10/2019 23:44

Tactical voting all the way here.
It helps that the same decision supports my leanings on Brexshit.
If it didn’t, Brexit would be the only thing that swayed my vote.

Sounds to me like your DH intends to vote for a party he is ashamed of voting for.

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