Stuff to help dd and her constant restlessness

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Aside from ritanol (joke!)

She is nearly 8 and is just on the move all the time. She watches tv on the floor comforting herself into all sorts of shapes. She doesn't just walk anywhere. It's skips, jumps, heel walking etc.

At the table the legs are twisting round the chairs legs, or up under her and back down again repeatedly.

We've spent forever on tackling this so that she knows when she needs to sit as still as she can muster, and since learning to walk has been active. Relentlessly so.

We are out an about a lot, she swims a fair bit each week, cycles, can walk for miles etc so she has a good chance to "get her wiggles out".

I need to start accepting that her body just needs to move a lot. What can I do to help? Are there seats/toys/activities I can introduce to help?

Gymnastics, dance.

Something to burn energy and give her focus and control.

Wow you've described my DD too!So glad I'm not alone!we find craft things help making/drawing/painting something she has to concentrate on.love to know what you did to get the 'wiggles out!'

Yes, there’s lots you can do. Read the Out of Sync child, it has lots of suggestions for activities, they mainly involve compression which can help to regulate a wiggly child.
I could not get DS to sit still at the dinner table so I took away his chair. He is happy to stand and eat, and I’m not worrying that he is going to break the chair/his back.

This is my DD too! Nearly 4. It’s never worried me so far. But maybe it’s a bigger deal once they start school? How does it affect her?

Have you tried a wobbly cushion on her chair?

Merename not sure how much it affects her at school- it is something we intend to discuss with her teacher. We've not been informed of anything so far (year3).

The only real effect it has on her is us always having to ask her to sit still or walk properly - which we only do because we are holding her hand or sitting with her and may end up with her foot in our face or getting tripped up crossing the road etc. I'm sick of being on at her for it.

Walking down the street with her is a nightmare. She cuts across us, practically trips her little brother over constantly, hops and skips til she ineventably trips herself up and grazes a knee etc.

I took her brother out today alone and the stark contrast is huge. He just walked in a straight line on two feet next to me, managed the stairs fine, walked around the place we were visiting in a calm manner and it just made me realise how much more different she is in this regard.

I am a constant fidget too. I literally cannot sit at peace and have been like that since a toddler and my DS 2 is the same. No idea what it is but as you can imagine my concentration is pretty poor.

Something which has really helped me while completing my degree recently is understanding the way that I learn. Simply sitting receiving information doesn't work for me as I don't take much in, constantly thinking about how I can move subtly to get comfy. Regular breaks help, a trip to the toilet just to get a walk/change of scene. But the biggest help has been knitting. I taught my self to knit and did that during lectures to keep that restless part of my brain busy and let me concentrate on what is being said. If I need to learn something at home i do ironing while watching videos on it. So not sure what mindless tasks she could complete while she is having her times when she has to sit still but maybe doodling?

I am the same always have been, watch TV or read with my legs up against the wall. Or one hand raised in the air twiddling my fingers. Used to drive my DM nuts, now I'm a leg shaker too.

Anyway I did gymnastics like a PP said that helped, well I would practise moves in the corner so least I wasnt just rolling around on the floor for no reason.

I'm the same. It doesn't affect my concentration really - I concentrate fine, although I find places with background noise much easier than silence.

Also anything Crafty and fiddly would keep me occupied I had thousands of Scoubidous I made, Art sets would keep me stillish.

Have you genuinely considered ADHD? It can present so differently in girls.

My daughter is the same age as yours and she’s sort of similar. Also highly distractable to the point of insanity (mine). Can’t get herself ready for school in the morning unless I bark orders every five minutes like a drill sergeant. Can’t ask her to carry out two tasks at once (like, wash your face and clean your teeth) because she’ll inevitably forget one of them. I’m currently trying to decide who on earth I talk to about it.

If she needs to be sitting still(ish) for some tasks e.g eating at the table, homework, then have you considered a weighted lap blanket?

Have you genuinely considered ADHD? It can present so differently in girls

I have. If there was just an HD diagnosis I'd say she was bang on for that.

DS was like this. He has a diagnosis of ADHD. He also could.focus on stuff if it was of interest and he was reasonably relaxed, particularly TV and computer games but he didnt like to spend a long time on any particular activity. He would fidget through everything. He is a teenager now and his hyperactivity is less, though his concentration does wander a lot.

You can get a diagnosis of ADHD even if you’re primarily hyperactive or primarily inattentive. It doesn’t have to be both.

Honestly, I really would give it some thought.

Don't want to hyjack the thread. But how does it help having a diagnosis for adhd if no severe enough for drugs?

Don't want to hyjack the thread. But how does it help having a diagnosis for adhd if no severe enough for drugs?

For the same reason people are diagnosed with things like autism - an understanding of why they have certain behaviours, and find certain things difficult? To obtain help and support and strategies? To realise, in time, that they aren’t failures who just need to try harder to be “normal” because it isn’t their fault?

To realise, in time, that they aren’t failures who just need to try harder to be “normal” because it isn’t their fault?

Wow replace that thought with gender stereotypes.

Or maybe we should have a greater understanding of ”normal”? Not everyone who doesn’t fit with a strict behavioural norm needs a diagnosis of “abnormal”. Same as a boy who doesn’t fit a strict criteria of male doesn’t need a diagnosis of female.

My child was like the o/p’s. I put her in dance, gymnastics, swimming, martial arts, everything I could find. It made a massive difference to her focus, concentration and ability to learn- she needed to learn physically, as well as mentally.

She’s an entirely normal teenager now - again, “normal” in that she needs to train 20 hours a week or gets jittery and bored again. Bonus is she’s now an elite athlete. So I fail to see how a diagnosis of adhd would have “helped”- apart from maybe attempting to suppress her physical side rather than celebrating it.

When you think about it small children sitting in a classroom for 5 hours a day is far more abnormal than small children wanting to get up, move about, and play.

My sister was diagnosed Adhd when she was small. She’s not. She was just an active child. In fact she was no more active than me, she just had less fear of authority. I was so terrified of getting into trouble at school i learned to suppress any physical activity. I was a very unhappy teenager.

I have two hypermobile kids. One has trained 10-20 hours gym and now dance. She has amazing focus but needs to move. The other needs to move and has to get his wriggles out but it's constant. As a preteen it makes him stand out and look a bit odd. Exercise didn't work for him partly he is also dyspraxic but mainly his lack of focus makes it hard for him to train in sports. He now has a diagnosis of ADD. He takes Ritalin and this completely stops the constant movement, helps him focus, makes school easier for him. Sitting in a classroom he hates but he is very well behaved and tries but it makes him very anxious. You can grow out of it. I fidget but I can focus. Wobbly cushion at school, fidget toys, chewing gum all help.

Thanks everyone. Lots of food for thought, and I will purchase the book. Dd is interested in doing gymnastics so it is good to see that is a recommendation.

I think you’re projecting massively @bluebluezoo and it’s ludicrous to conflate what I said with gender.

You’re obviously coming from the position of a parent who maybe could have pursued an ADHD assessment for your child but chose not to, and that’s fine.

I come from the position of an adult with many traits of ASD/ADHD who has always struggled through life in many areas and always felt like a failure. Why am I socially awkward, why don’t people warm to me, why can’t I focus, why do I procrastinate so much, why am I such an underachiever? Now I can look back at my life and think maybe I’m not neurotypical? And that realisation was such a weight off my shoulders. It took away a lot of my self-loathing.

I don’t want my daughter to get to the end of her 30s and have the same epiphany. That’s why I feel like I owe it to her to get her assessed eventually. I will be happy to be proved wrong.

I was once like you, feeling like we as a society pathologise normal personality traits too much. But that was because I knew I had tons of traits but desperately wanted to believe I was NT.

*I come from the position of an adult with many traits of ASD/ADHD who has always struggled through life in many areas and always felt like a failure. Why am I socially awkward, why don’t people warm to me, why can’t I focus, why do I procrastinate so much, why am I such an underachiever? Now I can look back at my life and think maybe I’m not neurotypical? And that realisation was such a weight off my shoulders. It took away a lot of my self-loathing.

I don’t want my daughter to get to the end of her 30s and have the same epiphany. That’s why I feel like I owe it to her to get her assessed eventually. I will be happy to be proved wrong*

I had exactly the same epiphany. Why am I socially awkward, why don’t people warm to me, why can’t I focus, why do I procrastinate so much, why am I such an underachiever? You could be describing me here.

However, I don't wish I had been diagnosed to help me deal with what's "wrong" with me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I wish I had been accepted as me, and allowed to be me rather than pushed to behave "neurotypically", as that just amplified the differences between me and normal.

Struggling to explain but if we had a wider tolerance and acceptance of normality people like me would not need to change to fit in. A diagnosis for me may have helped me understand why I am like I am, but I would still be sat here at my computer with no mates because it doesn't help others understand who I am.

I have the same end goal re. my DD as you. I am teaching her it is OK to need time alone. It is OK to find relationships difficult. Different is good, and if people can't accept you that is their issue, not yours. That there are different personality traits, all normal, and it is only when it affects your ability to function independently it becomes a problem. She may have ADHD or traits of ADHD, but she's teens now and knows as long as she keeps physically active she sleeps and eats well, which in turn leads to better concentration.

I was like the OP's daughter. I did a LOT of exercise and grew out of it.

My DS was also like the OP's daughter, but he has ADHD. He has many symptoms other than just hyperactivity. For him, getting a diagnosis helped us all to learn why he struggles with things the rest of us find easy, and helped us all find out how to help him.

He did unbelievable amounts of exercise, and it tired out his body but didn't help his brain particularly.

His school have always been good at accepting the hyperactivity element - we're in the US, and IME our schools are very accepting of children who need to move around a lot while learning.

It's the struggle with focus, the distractibility, the processing issues, the lack of working memory etc that have made school and life difficult.

OP - if your daughter wants to move a lot, let her move a lot. If at all possible don't try to stop her. Imagine if you needed to scratch your nose because it was tickling, but you weren't allowed to, and it became unbearable. That's how she feels.

If, as she gets older, you suspect ADHD, then look into a diagnosis. Not necessarily so she can get medicated (although in DS's case it has been life-changingly helpful) but also so you can all understand how her brain works, how she learns, where her struggles are, and how to help her.

I found this article helpful www.additudemag.com/treating-adhd-in-children-with-medication/

Have a look at fidget /bouncy bands for chair legs (you could improvise to try it out with a pair of tights I expect)

Diagnosis or otherwise, it sounds like your DD had sensory seeking needs, so probably feels profoundly uncomfortable with being asked to sit still. It's like being forced to go on a roller coaster if you hate them, or having to wear a jumper with a texture you hate. We all have our preferences!

Wobble cushion on the chair or floor is another good one to try, swing, hammock...