What can I do for my friend who's just been diagnosed with breast cancer?

[thorswife]

I don't know what to do? If anything?

She's just been told it's grade 3 tripe -ve breast cancer. It's the worst possible news. At the moment she's just with family and I don't want to mither her with a visit in the next week or so but I don't know I'm thinking of getting some flowers or a nice candle delivered? Just feel like I need to do something.

On 34, newly married with a 2yo life is so cruel :(

Oh that's really awful...you sound like a lovely friend.

Maybe some practical help? Batch cook some meals for her freezer or buy her some from Cook?

Offer to babysit while she's having treatment?

Offer to help with housework?

If you wanted to buy her a gift, maybe a lovely new dressing gown, pyjamas or slippers?

That's really tough. I was almost the same age with three under 7 (including an 8 week old) when I was diagnosed with the same thing.
That was 6 years ago and I'm still here.
All I can advise is to be there for her. She may well need practical support when her treatment starts, childcare and food are always good.
Chemo will likely be for the majority of a day, normally every three weeks, obviously depending on her oncologist.
My friends gave me a Cook voucher, and work gave me an amazon voucher, both were much appreciated.
You sound like a lovely friend.

I agree - been in a similar position.

I took her kids out with mine when I went to the park. I bought her milk/bread/treats when I popped to the shop. I invited her to everything with our mutual friends, knowing she would say no but feel included. I just text to say hello and ask how she was and update her with The minutiae of mine and our friends lives. Tried making her feel "normal".

We were very very close so I actually ended up saying to her "how do u want us to deal with this" and she told me. She didn't want asking about every appointment or chemo sesh, she wanted to feel included and "normal" and I hope hope hope that's what we did for her!

If it helps, you sound absolutely lovely and the perfect friend just by asking how to help. She's lucky to have someone like you in her life and vice versa x

That lovely advice and makes good sense. She's quite a no nonsense type of girl and very few people know. So I think she'll be grateful of me taking care of some of the practical stuff: so if I can just take some of the burden with childcare stuff, I only live 10 mins away and our children are similar ages, so it's no bother at all to have them anytime at all.

Will think of some ideas re food stuff xx

Please don't leave her for a week! Contact her, tell her you're here for her, commiserate.

Practical support was the biggest thing I needed. As well as knowing I am loved, obvs. Both so important.

Eg I needed my bedding changed once a week and simply didn't have the energy to do it (a pillowcase would have been about as much as I could handle). Also had to Hoover the house once a week - ditto. (Both those btw bcs immunity low and had to keep things clean.)

Cook. But no strong spices - in fact, salt to a minimum and no pepper.

Just hang around, once a day? Just ask her what she needs. I found it hard to let people do things but tbh I had no choice.

Above all, let her know you love her and you're with her through the treatment.

You're a great friend 🌸

When she starts her chemo (if she's having chemo?)
Buy her a silk pillow case, as it drags the hair less when she's sleeping.

My friend has just completed her 2nd round of chemo for breast cancer. What she wants most of all is to be treated normally. She hates the head tilt, soft tone 'how are you feeling?' And just wants to talk about normal stuff and get on with it.

Practical help as long as it's welcome would be great, humour and gossip, chat and normalcy may be wanted too.

That's a point - is she having chemo?

It's a very different beast without chemo.

Mastectomy?

She will be in shock. She will need to have a rant or a cry in a safe space. Just be open to her emotions and be led by her. I coped with my diagnosis outwardly with a smile and sometimes a joke about uniboobs which shocked some people but I cried in the shower alone.

I did get bored of talking about cancer because that is all
anyone asks you about.

Tell her what you can do for her. So if it’s child care just say- I can do mornings from
9-12 or I can do drop off to nursery or I can do x or y. I had lots of people offer to help but I’d not ask them. The ones who actually helped did so- one took my then 3 year old to and from nursery and gave her lunch on days I had appts. My other friend asked for a key so she could pop in to clean as and when. Other one brought food round when she knew I had chemo. Etc.