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Original poster

Should my husband get the snip?

21 replies

sniptime · 24/10/2019 14:24

We are teenage sweethearts, married and had children young, now early 30s children aged 9 & 7.

My DH doesn't want any more children, I'm pretty sure I don't either, lots of practical reasons and I don't think it's in anyone's best interests. But I have to admit the thing that holds me back is we have 2 of the same sex so I suppose there's always that what if at the back of my mind and 32 seems young for permanent birth control. If I was desperate DH would probably have another so it's not completely off the table but obviously not really an appropriate situation to have a child in for all sorts of reasons.

I'm wondering if the snip would finally get my mind to shut up about having a third as it takes it off the table, it's pretty tiresome thinking about it as much as I do. It's what my DH wants and it's his body at the end of the day (but I'm getting on fine with the IUD so we don't need to do anything permanent, and he would hold off if I asked him to)

Or is it silly to do this if not 100% certain, well me, DH 100% certain, he wouldn't want children with anyone else either if I was to die or if we broke up, I couldn't say that myself but I absolutely believe him when he says he doesn't.

I'm scared doing something permanent will make me long for it more if that makes sense.

Sorry I know no one can answer this for us, and it's DH's decision at the end of the day, I suppose I'm just wondering what other people think, if they've had similar thoughts? Particularly if going back and forth over a third which I gather is common.

OP posts:
newnameagainagain · 24/10/2019 14:26

My husband was close to having it done and I had a wobble, two years later we were both ready and he had it done then

Mrsbclinton · 24/10/2019 14:28

My DH had it done we were both aged 40 and our youngest child (we have 3) was 4. We talked about it since the youngest was born so and were both very sure.

MrsW85 · 24/10/2019 14:31

I could have written this. We have the same circumstances. I'm more than happy with my coil at the moment. My husband would have the snip if we decided that was best but I'm happy as we are. I dont have any periods or symptoms with the coil so I would want to keep it either way. However, I'm only 34 and although I'm 100% sure I dont want any more children I dont want the choice taken away from me.

Looneytune253 · 24/10/2019 14:36

I don't see why not if he wants to and he defo doesn't want any more!! If you're undecided then you'll still be able to go off and have more if you wanted eventually (obv not with him). Best thing my dh ever did tho. No more contraception. I wasn't sure I didn't want any more and was a bit gutted but never looked back and i defo don't want any more now

FixTheBone · 24/10/2019 14:46

If you're getting on with the coil, and there's a possibility (even slight) that you may want to try for a another child (a girl) then I would wait.

A vasectomy should be considered permanent, and it's not without complications.

I got mine done aged 38 (7 children, definitely no more), not the nicest procedure, but now healed up, some men get permanent pain that can be disabling.

Original poster
sniptime · 24/10/2019 14:46

@Looneytune253 this is what I'm wondering, "letting him" make the decision and then I will have the choice taken from me so I just won't think about it anymore?

We've tried keeping options open and all it's doing is making me go back and forth "do I want another"?

I know it's all a moot point when he doesn't want another anyway, but he wouldn't do it unless I was happy for him to do so, so it feels like I have a decision to make either way, I kind of just wish he'd go do it!

OP posts:
desperatehousewife21 · 24/10/2019 14:56

DH has had it done, he was 31 at the time. We have two kids and knew we were done and we talked about the ‘what ifs’ i.e if I died, we split etc he was certain he didn’t want anymore (neither do I) so he had it done I sat in there with him (found it fascinating, love that sort of thing!) only took half hour or so and a few days of healing no complications and also means I don’t have to take long term contraception which messes with my hormones for the rest of my life and we didn’t get on with condoms either.

Really good decision for us, but obv this is a big decision only you and him can make.

Looneytune253 · 24/10/2019 17:01

But like I said if he's made his mind up, why wait? There's nothing for YOU to decide. It's his body at the end of the day.

Original poster
sniptime · 24/10/2019 17:31

@Looneytune253 because he is aware of my MH and doesn't want to rush into something permanent if it makes me feel worse, as I say we have adequate birth control, we are both just wondering if a permanent solution would help or hinder my decision making process. I have to decide for myself whether I want any more children, because if I do that's something I need to resolve myself (most likely just mentally as I wouldn't leave my DH and I wouldn't force him to have a third). I need to come to the decision myself. Holding off on the snip doesn't mean I'm saying we are having another child, it's giving me the time to deal with my feelings until a permanent decision is made, my DH supports this and understands it.

But maybe getting it done will just shut me up mentally.

I'm not sure if it makes sense. I know it sounds ridiculous when it is 99.9% likely we won't have any more, but I'm not sure if forcing my hand will help me resolve this or make me feel pushed into it.

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 24/10/2019 17:45

My DH had one when our third child was a toddler. We were definitely done. I still get horrendously broody but I actually think another child would have probably broken me (PND after two of my pregnancies and I really do not cope well with sleep deprivation). I would say however that my DH did not have the easy quick painless procedure we'd been told about. The second cut hit a nerve and he was very sore for some time afterwards (Although probably not like being pregnant and giving birth three times, hey?!). He also says that sex is different and that if he had known it would feel different then he may not have had it done. Probably a bit more research into potential side effects etc might help a more informed decision?

MarieG10 · 24/10/2019 17:58

Don't do it. You need to be certain.

We were not sure, and on top of it two of my husbands friends/colleagues had it done and had real problems. Infections, ongoing pain etc which turns out is not unusual. I'm happy with a Mirena and not having periods so it's on the back burner

ShowOfHands · 24/10/2019 18:01

I wanted a third, dh did not so he had the snip when our second was a baby. It was his choice to make.

BarryTheKestrel · 24/10/2019 18:03

If you aren't certain, i wouldn't. However if he is certain, its his choice to do it.

Me and DH decided after DC2 we were done and he had the snip. At 29 and 32 respectively we are young to consider permanent birth control but its what we both wanted and all other contraception gives me issues.

In an ideal world you'd be in complete agreement but if its what he wants, its his body to do so with.

Pepperwand · 24/10/2019 18:23

Do you have to jump through any hoops to get the snip when you're relatively young? DH is 34 and seriously considering it. My best friend's husband was 31 when he asked about getting it and the doctor said "but what if your wife and children were all killed in an accident?" Shock

Original poster
sniptime · 24/10/2019 18:30

"In an ideal world you'd be in complete agreement but if its what he wants, its his body to do so with."

Absolutely, if he really wants to I won't stand in his way or resent him for it. We're not disagreeing with each other just both a bit confused as to what is the best solution.

Thanks to the posters who mentioned side effects, that was one thing we didn't consider at all. We'll look into that first.

OP posts:
TheoneandObi · 24/10/2019 18:37

A little tiny bit of me wishes DH hadn’t had it done when our youngest was two. On the other hand I actually have nightmares that I’m pregnant again! He was sure and remained sure it was the right thing. I kind
Of think on balance it’s his choice.
Get a dog instead, OP. My fur baby definitely satisfies some of my maternal
Instincts!

confusedofengland · 24/10/2019 18:40

My DH had the snip at 33, when DS3 was 2. We were absolutely certain that we didn't want any more DC & he says that even if something were to happen to me & the DC he wouldn't want any others.

He found the procedure relatively straightforward & was pretty much recovered after a week or so. Our sex life is a lot better than before as we now don't have the risk of unwanted/unplanned pregnancy, so we can be entirely impulsive. He hasn't mentioned it feeling any different, when I've asked him he has said it's still good.

ShowOfHands · 24/10/2019 18:58

My DH was 29 when he had his. No hoops, no questions beyond the standard ones asked of every patient.

Risks of ongoing complications or pain are around 1 in 10. DH was the 1 in 10 but he still doesn't regret it.

MarieG10 · 24/10/2019 22:50

One of husbands colleagues was off work 6 weeks with a spell in hospital...complications definitely not unusual

ExcitedForFuture · 25/10/2019 00:02

DP is considering this as I'd love to come off hormonal contraception but he has also read a lot about complications and is concerned.

How common are they? And how serious?

Dandelion1993 · 25/10/2019 00:07

I'm 26 and dh is 35. We have two DDs aged 6 and 8 months.

Dh went for the meeting about the snip a few weeks after dd2 was born. We discussed while I was pregnant with her and it was the best decision.

Neither of us want more children and having to have an emergency section with dd2 I never want to go through pregnancy or birth again.

He had it done a 2 mo this ago now. The first few weeks were awful as he was so sore, but is absolutely fine now.

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