I need to rethink my life.

[changeisasgoodas]

I recently separated from DH. I have 2 DC, 7 and 8. I have a really full on, stressful job and I work full time. However, DS7 is really struggling with change. Not to mention me. And work has been exceptionally difficult recently and I've made the decision that I need to look for a different job, where I can be around for the DC more, and less stressed and exhausted.

The problem is I have recently increased my mortgage to buy DH out of the family home, and the monthly repayment is £875. After school care is £100 per month. I currently earn £40k per year and this is comfortable and means I've been able to put a few hundred away each month for emergencies. But not enough for holidays etc. I get £100 a month from my ex occasionally but can't rely on that.

My qualifications are rather specific. I will struggle to get a more manageable job that is closer to home and still earn the same, so I need to accept my income will reduce. Nothing I can do about the mortgage, I've just started a 5 year fixed rate.

The only solution I can think of it's to sell the house and rent, so I can lower my outgoings. But secure housing is so important for the children. And I will never get back on the property ladder.

Any thoughts?

Rent could be much higher. I would try and keep the house if at all possible and cut back somewhere else if you can. You will pay dead money on rent and it's not your own place. Wishing you the best of luck, it's a tough situation to be iñ.

I'm sure people far better with money than I will come along soon but given the current economic situation there's no way you should sell the house imo. Is there no way you can negotiate working from home more often, even on a temporary basis to ease things up a bit?

My first thought is to wonder whether getting an au pair would be manageable and reduce the stress. I'm not sure how it would work out financially compared with your after school care - but accounting for holidays it might swing it? Depends of course on whether you have space for someone else.

Is your ex not working??? He needs to be paying maintenance..,

Rent a room out?

Take in a lodger on rent a room scheme? Can make up to £7500 tax free. Maybe foreign language students?

Ex needs to be paying regular maintenance. That would be my first port of call.

Op would going part time work? Maybe just reducing a day

Thanks all. I think you're all right about keeping the house. Dropping a day would help a bit but the financial hit would be greater impact. I am considering this though.

I'm not sure about an au pair as it's me the children want to see more of. They do spend some overnights with my ex but they hate it and cling to me

I don't have a spare room, and also live in a very rural area so a student/ lodger isn't an option.

I appreciate all the suggestions though, thank you.

So is your ex working?

You need to phone CMS and get maintenance from him.

Yes my ex works. But he's self employed and doesn't put much of his earnings "through the books" so I'm not sure CSA could do anything

He must be declaring enough to have a liability of £100 per month enforced.,.

Or there is the reporting him to HMRC.

I would hold onto the house as it’s security for you and dcs in the long term. look at all household expenses and try and reduce them as much as possible, swap suppliers use eBay second hand etc. Pursue your ex for reasonable CM through HMRC if needed it will be worth it in the long run. Holidays don’t have to expensive camping, Mobile homes borrowing a friends / relatives house all help keep costs down. Try to get your dcs and ex into a regular routine for access so you get a break as well

Would compressed or flexi hours help, so you don't lose money going part time. Combined with working from home.

Could you do 90% in 4 days? Means 4 long days but one day a week where you could do school drop offs and pick ups plus be available for the children?

Could you rent the house to cover the mortgage costs and then rent somewhere cheaper? You'd still have the house as security going forward. Risky though if the tenants default on the rent.

I would also warn about making a drastic change right now. Good to look at options, but your kids might feel more settled in 6mo. It's totally new and maybe out of the blue for your kids if they didn't see it coming. If you can, maybe investigate ideas and see where you all are in 6mo time.

Report ex to HMRC if he's not putting income through the books! As well as being unfair to you it's unfair to the rest of the population who all have to pay their taxes!