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Original poster

Feeling so very alone today

36 replies

Imnotokaytoday · 22/10/2019 16:05

I feel like I have no-one.

I pretty much have my Mum and my husband. And my child. That's it.

I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Alone. Lonely.

My good friend and I fell out a few months back. Massively and haven't spoken since. I grew the courage to message her, and rightly so, she has moved on with her life and agrees we outgrew our friendship. That it had become toxic for us both. I totally agree.

But it has left me feeling 100000% shit.

I understand what my Mum calls "life stage friends" but fuck. It hurts. I look around and genuinely feel like I have no friends.

People I work with. Schoolyard parents. Associates who share funny pictures on facebook or whatsapp.

No actual friends. And it's shit.

OP posts:
Bunnyhop1502 · 22/10/2019 17:45

Sorry you are feeling this way. I know it’s not the same as real life but there’s always someone on here to chat to 24/7.

MonnaLIza · 22/10/2019 17:48

I blame 'modern life' - we are always so busy. We work 24/7. :(

nearlynermal · 22/10/2019 18:08

OK, I know this is a really wanky worst-of-mumsnet thing to say, but you have a life partner, and a child, and your mum is still living, and you call that lonely? (I know, I know, sorry...)

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 22/10/2019 18:55

@nearlynermal You're right. That is a really wanky thing to say.

Way to kick someone when they're down...

@Bunnyhop1502 But is there? As proven above.. you post an honest post about how you're feeling in the hope of some help or comfort and basically get called selfish.

OP posts:
HorseGallopingOnATomato · 23/10/2019 07:28

Just wanted to send some support. I’m in a slightly different position— I’m lonely because circumstances mean I’ve relocated once a year for about a decade so as soon as I settle somewhere and make friends, I’m on the move again! I have friends who are always on the other end of the phone but nobody I can call on to go out with or be with face to face. It sounds to me like you need to start again. Explore your home town like it’s new. See what events your town holds. Do you think you have the capacity to attend meet-ups?

In a new place it can easily take several months to a year to make friends, and the less “social stuff” to do in the town, or the less time you have to meet people, the longer it takes. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and keep reminding yourself that you’re feeling lonely because of circumstance, not because you are unlikeable, and your circumstances will change! Good luck!

FranneKipankinstein · 23/10/2019 07:36

How are you today?
Did not see your posts yesterday.

camelinthedesert · 23/10/2019 07:42

nearly is right though OP

Alwaysgrey · 23/10/2019 07:44

I’m in a similar position OP. I have two children with Sen and its taken me down a totally different path and one that has led me to being quite isolated. Kids are now all happily settled in school but I don’t really know how to go about picking up my life.

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 09:09

I moved about a lot as a child. Can think of at least 3 towns we lived in, all far from one another. Pretty much left behind friends when we moved.

I am a funny kipper I suppose in that I want friends and to be able to say "Fancy a brew?" but I don't like the initial getting to know someone thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 09:11

Still feeling lonely. Yes, there are people i speak to and see. But that doesn't always solve my loneliness. I accept yes I'm fortunate to have people but you can still feel alone in a crowd.

OP posts:
PearlsBeforeWine · 23/10/2019 09:13

Nearly is NOT right. OP needs to function as OP, not simply as a mum or daughter or partner.

There's something very levelling about friendship which comes with no expectations or obligation, just friendship and you can really miss that.

SeaViewBliss · 23/10/2019 09:14

People can feel alone when they have massive families. Of course you have a lot to be thankful for but it doesn't mean you can't be lonely.

It's probably the last thing you want to hear right now but you can get out and meet new people. I hesitate to use the 'find a hobby' line but can you do some volunteering or something?

Most GP practices have now got someone called a social prescriber. I would highly recommend asking to see them when you feel up to it.

You also have to acknowledge and process the end of your friendship. It sounds like it was the right thing to do but you still need to come to terms with it.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way - hope you have a good day today.

MidnightMystery · 23/10/2019 09:15

In the same boat OP, it's an awful feeling and I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing it. Thanks

PearlsBeforeWine · 23/10/2019 09:15

OP is there any acquaintance in your life that you'd like to become friends with? I've become v good pals with my sons friends mum, it was unexpected and yet we have stacks in common. Just chatting at the school kickstarted that one.

NoSauce · 23/10/2019 09:16

I am a funny kipper I suppose in that I want friends and to be able to say "Fancy a brew?" but I don't like the initial getting to know someone thing

That’s a quandary then. It takes time to get to a place in a relationship where offers of a brew or such like happen. Time on both sides.

Are there any classes you could join? Yoga? Pilates, type thing or whatever it is you like doing? To meet people you have to put yourself out there.

Any mums from school that you get on with enough to try and make more of a friendship?

Majorcollywobble · 23/10/2019 09:22

Just wondering how old your child is ? Does the school have a PFA group ? Reason I ask is that the school our grandson attends is always appealing for volunteers- even grandparents ! Seems like a good way of forging links with outgoing people? Hope you feel better soon xxxx

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 09:23

I do need to put the old friendship to bed. Sadly, she was quite cutting in her message to me yesterday and blocked me. I ended up sat in tears at my desk at work. Sad for the loss of any chance of making amends and also that she felt the need to block me.

I found myself a few weeks back looking up old school friends then feeling sad and upset when they were busy when I messaged. Of course they were. We haven't seen one another for probably 15 years or so? It just compounded my loneliness I guess.

I went to my weight loss group lsat night - a different class - and just sat there and felt like the odd one out. everyone chatting amongst themselves and i felt so alone in the room. I struck up some conversation with someone but still.. it felt empty.

OP posts:
whitebowls · 23/10/2019 09:26

OP, I'm sorry you feel so low.
Could you throw a general 'anyone fancy a coffee' at the people you talk to at school? Friends come from surprising places, sometimes friendships build slowly as people can be cautious or their own lack of confidence or loneliness keeps them from finding a bestie or confidante.

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 09:27

@Majorcollywobble They have a PTA type thing at his school but I've found those who are in it - that I know by passing - are very cliquey and make me feel massively insecure.

I got "in" with a Mum group when he started last year and in the whole, they're nice. Polite etc. But after knowing them for a year now, I wouldn't really class them as friends. Pass in he playground, say hi, pass pleasantries etc.

OP posts:
FranneKipankinstein · 23/10/2019 09:38

What about joining a book club ?
Is there anything else you like to do or did in the past ?

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 10:02

I've never really had any hobbies. I ran a few years back but my health isn't what it was and running isn't possible now.

OP posts:
Sunshineonleith12 · 23/10/2019 10:19

You sound very low and wounded, like you would find any setback hard to take at the moment.
I think the pressure to have full on friendships is huge but it's not something all people have but we're made to believe everyone does.
You need to be in a better place to take the risk of putting yourself out there to make friends. A bit like dating. If you're not feeling strong enough just take small steps and those 2 minute chats at the school gates do mean something. You do have people that care for you.
Try to take the pressure off yourself and perhaps things will naturally improve with a shift in focus.

FranneKipankinstein · 23/10/2019 10:22

Can you walk ? I like to go out for a walk .

FranneKipankinstein · 23/10/2019 10:24

Sometimes you can chat to people out walking ..dogwalkers are great ...admire their dogs.

Original poster
Imnotokaytoday · 23/10/2019 10:38

I know the world isn't always what it seems with all the instafilters and rose tinted glasses..

Someone asked yesterday would i mind seeing their LO into school for them because they needed to dash to a meeting. That made me feel proud. Made me feel like I meant something to someone enough to be in charge of their child.

And an old uni friend, with whom i talk once in a while - we reconnected a few weeks back - messaged me to share news that she is expecting. That made me happy. To feel I was thought of and wanted.

I guess things are hard to see sometimes when you head is so bogged down.

I like walks. Sadly, I am rarely alone to be able to enjoy them.

Always responsible to or for someone.

I adore my son but crave quiet and alone since he came along and turned my world upside down.

He and my husband bought me flowers yesterday. They bought be roses a week ago too en route home.

OP posts: