Tips for extroverts raising introverts

[Mallowmarshmallow]

Whilst I wouldn't say I'm an outright extrovert, I definitely like being around people and gain energy from socialising with people.

My DS(5) is an introvert and I find myself spending a lot of time worrying about him. In social situations he often spends time on the outside thoughtfully looking in, observing but often choosing not to join in.

He's got a small, firm group of friends at school (who seem to be the more gentle boys, like him) and I think he socialises confidently among them.

I spend a lot of my time watching him, wondering what he's thinking, if he's happy or at least content, checking in on him rather than enjoying him and the moment. This is probably exacerbated by his younger sibling who is very different to him in character and I feel intrinsically less worried about....

Has anyone been through the same (from either side I guess, as the child or parent....) and got any tips on how to be the best parent I can be for him?

*introvert, obvs. He’s no’ a grass

Thanks, @WallyWallyWally

I won't tell you too much about my secondary school experience as it'll worry you (bullying) but I think going with some familiar faces would help. I was the only one from my primary to go to the grammar and getting picked on within the first week. This was 25 years ago though and the school were crap with that stuff.

Why try to change him into something he is not? You are only going to make him feel self conscious and isolated as he grows up.

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, introverts do not need to change. I'm sick and tired of extroverts thinking that if someone isnt as loud and talkative as them then there is something wrong with them and that they are lacking something/not living life to the full etc etc.

I don't think she is trying to change him - more to understand how to parent him and help him grow up happy and fulfilled!

the challenge for any introvert, adult or child is that we live in a society which is predominantly (on the surface) more extrovert focused - so building resilience to that, and an understanding of how to sit within society is important...

it is useful for extroverts to know when to be quiet and listen, to look inwardly and contemplate (they are powerful skills in life), so it is important for an introvert to know when they need to fit into society in a more extrovert manner - i.e. they still need to pick up skills on how to socialise etc. - that is not to say they need to be what they are not, but they need to know how to act as required - no different to many other aspects of character where we have to learn what our instinct is and also to learn when we need to behave differently for the situation in which we find ourselves...

part of that is giving them the tools to know when and how to rest, giving them the opportunity to recharge etc. - an introvert can no more hide in the corner all their lives than an extrovert can party 24/7 - so parenting them and helping them to grow up fulfilled is partly helping them to discern what is needed when and giving them the tools to choose at the right time...

life will be a lot about compromise, and an introvert child needs to learn that early on - learning that they can have their time and space, but the compromise is that they are also a part of the family - e.g. "we have a family party to go to - could you be polite to your cousins for 30 minutes / an hour, and then I will look out for you and help you find a place to escape to and read a book" - they learn that they need to compromise, but you also allow for their needs - ultimately an introvert who doesn't compromise will find it difficult fitting into a very extrovert world...

(from an introvert!)