Huge panic attack

[onthecoins]

I've just left a weekend away in a city for my cousins 30th, and oh my god I have been terrified and on the verge of dissolving all weekend.

I've had problems with anxiety for years, mostly very well managed and I've made so much progress with therapy and mostly feel like a completely normal functioning human being.

Until you add alcohol and partying into the mix. I just can't do it. We've been staying in a big nice Airbnb, the ladies are all quite extroverted and most of them I only vaguely know. I just can't cope with it. I'm an introvert and don't drink much, and the ladies are all so loud and outgoing, though absolutely lovely, but it's just not my scene, and everything about the weekend has triggered my anxiety- no privacy or solitude sharing rooms, so much booze, singing, loud music, crowded nightclubs etc. Last night I left early and got back and just burst into tears and hyperventilated.

I'm sure birthday girl had a fab time and I didn't show that I was anxious or freaking out, but oh I am so desperate to be alone, quiet, at home with DP and my cat.

I hate clubbing, dancing, grabby men, flirting, getting shoved, kebab shops full of stumbling pissed people. I'm heading home soon and feel exhausted and anxious. I need a hug and my pjs.

Rant over. I just wanted to write it down. I'm not ashamed of admitting I'm anxious, but I've spent 3 days trying to hold it together and have fun to not worry cousin, who would be upset for me. I so wanted her to have the weekend she wanted.

Well done for getting through the weekend, that would be my idea of hell
Hope you are feeling better, anxiety is hell

Thank you so much. I am home, in my pyjamas with DP and ordering a curry. 😁

This happened to me once on a hen weekend but thankfully to a lesser extent as I didn't have to contend with clubs/men/kebabs. I don't drink so ended up being the free taxi people took the massive piss and I was too weak to stand up for myself. I cried all the way home.
Still, it takes a taught me not to go on a hen weekend again!

You actually have done remarkably well for someone who suffers from anxiety. Don’t beat yourself up. The fact you could hold it together until you got back to the accommodation and then had a good cry with some gasping is fantastic. If it had been a massive panic attack, it would have hit you in public & you’d have had zero control to keep it together. It means all that work you have put into managing the ancient both in and out of therapy has paid off.
So I know it’s distressing to have the feelings of an incoming/brewing panic attack, but you should be proud of yourself. You’ve managed your anxiety superbly well. A good cry and some hyperventilating is completely fine for an anxious introvert.