My younger sister and I are both mid 30s. We are just not on the same wavelength and I find her quite frustrating. I think it’s likely she has a mild learning disability or possibly asd but it’s not something that was ever discussed with me (probably quite rightly). My lovely parents did (and still do) everything they can to treat us the same and I would never raise this with them. This sometimes makes me feel like the issue is the elephant in the room.
My sister has a lovely life and I can’t see that she would benefit from any kind of diagnosis or label at this stage, so I’d never discuss this with anyone IRL. But I think it would help me to treat her with more compassion if I had a bit more of an understanding. At the moment to my shame I can find myself reverting to patterns of behaviour from childhood when I see her - getting frustrated, bossing her around a bit etc. this makes me feel rubbish and no doubt isn’t much fun for her either.
I’m not looking for an “online diagnosis”, just some outside perspective from you wise mumsnetters about what might be going on and also possibly some suggestions about how I can build a better connection with her.
These are some of the things she does that make her a little bit unusual - some of them alone are really quite innocuous but together might give a picture of her character.
Doesn’t really “chat” - she has quite a formal, stilted manner which people find a bit unusual. I really struggle to connect with her on any kind of level when I see her (not often as we live in different countries)
Doesn’t read social cues - e.g. would have no idea that someone was trying to end a conversation with her
Dominates group conversations with long winded stories that don’t really go anywhere
Can be incredibly selfish, but just doesn’t seem to realise that she is doing anything wrong
Uses words/phrases in a slightly odd way - e.g when she was getting her baby’s nursery ready, referred to “the child’s room”
Tends to be a bit slow on the uptake, and wouldn’t understand dry humour or clever jokes
Isn’t at all academic (she had learning support at school) but Is really extraordinarily good at the word puzzles on countdown
Has had one hobby since she was 3 which still dominates her life (it’s horses so not that unusual in itself)
She’s also very attached to stuff from our childhood which she has replicated in adulthood - eg going on the same kind of holidays, same traditions etc
For balance, I must also say she’s also incredibly hard working, reliable and kind of innocent.
I feel quite guilty writing this stuff down - despite her quirks she is a lovely person who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Please help me understand her better!