the lack of family interest makes me feel sad and lonely

[Hadtonamechangeforthis123]

I don't know if I'm having an off day but today i could sit and cry.

I have three children aged 4, 3 and 1. I have an older sister who lives 30 mins away. Her children are late teens now, throughout their childhoods I never missed a birthday/Christmas, took them on days out, theatre trips, etc., Now I have children, she never comes and sees us despite often going to a restaurant less than 5 mins from our home, she couldn't attend my DD's birthday because she had to do her food shopping and this year hasn't sent a birthday card to any of my children. My children don't even realise she's their auntie. I still buy for all her children.

My in-laws (early 60's) live 20 mins away and delight in telling everyone how much they love having grandchildren. They never see us. We never get invited to their house. When we try and invite ourselves MIL has her ironing or housework to do - their home is immaculate. FIL works full time and MIL part time and if they book time off, normally a week at a time, they don't tell us until afterwards. We have another extended family get together coming up and again I will have to hear what doting grandparents they are. I think what really upsets me is they've told me so many times how wonderful both sets of their parents were and how involved they were with their children and how lovely it was etc but they don't seem to want to do the same.

I'm a SAHM, I would love to see them, I would love my children to see them. Its another weekend I know all of them are home but no one wants to come and visit us, no one has invited us to them. I spoke to MIL this morning and told her we were looking for something to do today so she immediately told me they're out. I've since heard from BIL they're at home. :(

Before anyone asks my children are all well behaved, well mannered and so are we :(

I’m sorry OP. That’s just rubbish. I feel your pain as I’m in a very similar position.

The reality is that 3 young children are hard work (as you are very well aware) and to be blunt they probably don’t want the hassle or stress of interacting with them. They might think they’ve done their fair share of parenting even if you don’t want any babysitting, just a visit. I just keep saying to myself it’s them who are missing out (even if it’s also your children who are as well) or I get too sad and frustrated. I would love to have my parents round for a roast on a Sunday or go to the park all together (not babysitting, just time together) but it doesn’t happen.

I’d expect a card from the aunt but wouldn’t have expected her to attend a child’s party.

Grandparents have raised their children. They are under no obligation to provide childcare or entertainment for the weekend. Many grandparents are still in employment as well nowadays.

Make plans with friends or your DH. Not every family wants to spend lots of time together as their own lives are busy and days off work can be limited etc.

As an aside, stop buying presents for your sisters children.

We're in the same position. My sister had children a lot earlier and we always showed an interest, took birthday/xmas presents, easter eggs, etc, sent postcards to her kids when holiday, brought back souvenirs for them etc.

When it was our turn to have a child, she has shown no interest whatsoever, a card through the letterbox for xmas and birthdays is all we get, despite her living less than 5 miles away.

He's now 18, it's been the same since he was born. Nothing when he passed his GCSes, nothing when he passed his driving test. It's as if they just don't care whether he exists or not. I used to suggest us coming round or going places together but she was always busy so I give up asking.

We're a very small family, all our parents have died, our son has no siblings, no other aunts nor uncles. All he has is DH and myself and sisters family and they clearly don't give a toss. Son probably wouldn't even recognise his cousins nor they him, it must be 10 years since they've met.

I have something of the same pattern with the outlaws and my own bunch. I really feel for you and it's their loss. You won't change them, unfortunately. We just meet up with friends and also have friends who are older people who don't have kids/grandchildren of their own and who like spending time with our family.

We have this a fair bit. Only one sister of four puts herself out much.

We’re in a very similar situation and it’s shit so I can sympathise with you op

Mine are late teens now and despite being the only grandchildren only see gps maybe twice a year. It’s always been this way. We all live fairly close by so not distance that’s an issue, dcs are well behaved so not that. I really don’t know what it is but have concluded it’s me rather than my dcs that people avoid as I’ve lived in my house for 12 years and can count on one hand the number of times any member of my family have visited. It makes me sad but what really upsets me is the feeling of ‘we just don’t care about your dcs enough to bother’ (also understand the birthday thing! We have a milestone birthday very soon and not one of them can make it )

The Op isn’t asking anyone to provide childcare , she’s only wanting them to show an interest . I think you need to just say to yourself that it’s their loss and try to stop dwelling on it . I’d also stop buying for the older nieces / nephews . When you go to the family gathering and your inlaws play the doting GPs to other people pull them up on it .

Yes I know that situation. You have my sympathy!

Oh bless you all. My in-laws see their grandchildren, but only when we are around to do the childcare, and never offer to give us a few hours off.

My parents both work full time and don't want weekends with grandchildren. They are there if I really need them, but not as much as I'd like them to be.

I'm always envious of families with very involved grandparents, who are happy and willing to help.

We usually have a day out with sister in law and her children once every couple of months.

My brothers wife has a very close family. Her children regularly have sleepovers at grandparents. They have days out with her side week in week out. They also holiday with her parents and siblings. We see my brother's children for birthday parties, and usually have a Christmas outing.

IceCream - the OP isn't asking the grandparents to provide childcare or entertainment. It seems strange to tell everyone you love having grandchildren but then never want to see them. I would find that hurtful as well, and sad that the grandchildren are missing out on a good relationship with their grandparents and aunt.

Similar boat here, in laws make lots of effort for SIL and her DC not interested in ours. We eventually moved away as less painful.

Yes this is shit.
Nothing you can do, and eventually you get used to it, and the pain fades.
It’s not you, it’s them and they are the ones truly missing out.

We are in a similar position and it gets to you. Both in-laws are dead, sister-in-law makes excuse after excuse as to why we can’t visit her, we used to visit more when the DC we’re younger and less well behaved so to speak. Now it’s ridiculous we go for a drive to our hometown (seaside town) and we’re not allowed to go see SIL at her house, sometimes she will meet us at the beach or she’s too busy, every single time we suggest it.

Other side I’m NC with my mother, my father (they are divorced) I’ve seen once this year he simply isn’t interested. I had a brother, SIL and a niece and nephew, hardly see them, brother sometimes comes up but haven’t seen SIL in years and years.

Thats such a shame op, I do understand how it feels. My MIL and FIL could never be bothered to see us even though we were 10 mins away. They didn't want to do anything with us at weekends either. My husband had grand plans of family holidays etc and I'd have liked that but they just don't want to. My dad has hardly ever met my daughter. If I message him with pictures etc he doesn't reply mostly.

We have another extended family get together coming up and again I will have to hear what doting grandparents they are.

This bit struck me. It might be a bit passive aggressive, but when this happens why don't you just correct them? I would be explaining that you rarely see them and would describe them as more disinterested than doting

I'd be very tempted to call them out when they start crapping on about being doting grandparents

It is tough. My family really aren't bothered about my children. My parents live apart (divorced for decades) and they each see them once a year. They aren't local but are retired and neither want to spend more time with them. I have accepted it now. Totally their loss. My children are fab little people and they are missing out in them.