I feel really vulnerable today

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

I feel really stupid feeling like this but I want to write it down and I don’t want anyone I know to know how ridiculous I’m being.

I have been having a rough time with my mental health for the past year, I’m doing better now, I’ve just started therapy and I take medication, I feel like I’m slowly getting there, I’ve had panic attacks infrequently for about 10y.

I woke up mid panic attack last night. I know my cues for panic attacks and can normally calm myself down before it goes full blown or if it does go full blown I’m ok because I know what’s happening and I know I need to ride it out, but this completely threw me because I had no warning.

I was having a really horrid dream and woke up completely unable to breath, my entire body numb (as it does in a panic attack), completely unable to move like someone was standing on me, I couldn’t catch my breath.
It was absolutely terrifying, one of the most terrifying feelings I’ve ever had.
I don’t know how long it lasted, it felt like hours, the sun was coming up by the time I calmed down properly (but I don’t know what time I woke up).

I just want to curl up away from the world today, I can’t shake how scared I felt last night, I honestly believed I was going to suffocate. I feel really vulnerable, every noise is making me jump, I feel really nervous about leaving the house like something is going to happen to me if I do. Everything feels like really hard work and difficult to manage and I do t know how to shake it.

Even when you know it is a panic attack, it can still be really scary.

Are you able to rest today? If you'd been up all night throwing up you wouldn't question your need to rest, so you should do the same after a mental health episode.

I can rest but I feel like I should be doing something rather then wallowing in it, don’t know which is the better option tbh

Thank you btw

Can you get outside for a walk / fresh air op ? That always helps me. Also setting myself small tasks then a reward .

Hi OP, so sorry to hear you’re not doing well.
Sometimes we need a day to wallow if it makes us feel better. Or you could do something productive (like 30 mins cleaning or walk) and then reward yourself with downtime because you’ll have felt like you earned it. Look after yourself x

You're not wallowing, you're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Because today that is what you need and it's important.

If you had woken up in the night violently ill and were feeling exhausted, shaken up and grotty today would you give yourself permission to rest and take care of yourself? Or would you beat yourself up?

You had a really scary experience, which has also knocked your confidence a bit and I imagine made you feel less in control of your recovery and maybe uncertain about the future. It makes sense you'd feel vulnerable and anxious today. A bad day/night is scary and upsetting but it doesn't mean you're relapsing, it just means you're human and today is a bit tougher.

Being able to be compassionate towards yourself is a big part of recovery and taking care of yourself. We don't always have to be "busy", sometimes doing nothing is more important and you shouldn't feel guilty for it.

I think today you deserve gentleness, rest, compassion, nice activities and no pressure to do anything else. Make today's mission taking care of yourself in whatever ways are right for you.

Thank you all

Quince your post made me cry, I feel completely out of control, panic attacks are awful but I have learnt to control mine even when I can’t stop them, doesn’t make them less awful just easier to deal with but this was awful, this was like nothing I’ve ever experienced, I knew with certainty I was going to suffocate but couldn’t or didn’t think of calling someone to talk me down or for help. I couldn’t think at all or move.

A walk often does me good when my head isn’t great but the thought of going outside is really scary today, i don’t want to go outside because it’s really scary which is ridiculous

I’m really scared it’s going to happen again tonight, I keep trying to fall asleep but jolting myself awake. This is horrible