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Original poster

Can boy-girl friendships last through primary school?

33 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/10/2019 07:12

DS has started in reception this year and all the friendships he has made are with girls, one girl in particular he has really hit it off with. He’s fairly quiet and a gentle soul and he hasn’t bonded with any of the boys in his class who seem more boisterous.

He is completely happy hanging out with his female friend but I can’t help worrying that friendships will eventually divide along gender lines.

So..anyone got experience of boys and girls maintaining long-term friendships at school to give me hope? Or should I be encouraging him to befriend some of the boys?

OP posts:
pollyhampton · 19/10/2019 07:16

Yep, DS has been best friends with a girl since Reception, they are now in year 11! They are genuinely just best friends, they dont hang around together too much at school but spend a lot of time together out of it. They both have the same wider mixed group of friends but they are very close. Its lovely! She also makes him work hard at school and makes him revise!

Cuddlysnowleopard · 19/10/2019 07:16

He's tiny, just let him find his own way with friendships.

DS2 was friends with mainly girls in Reception. By juniors, he was in with a close group of boys, but still got on well with the girls.

He's year 11 now, still lose to boys from primary, but is in touch and meets up with his best female friend from Reception days.

I wouldn't overthink it.

Karwomannghia · 19/10/2019 07:20

Yes my ds’s strongest friendships in primary were with girls and in secondary they still are. He’s still friends with one since babies (I’m friends with the mum). He’s come out now incidentally and has one male friend who is also gay; another male friend he had at primary is also now gay. Not saying this is linked but just part of the story.

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Enb76 · 19/10/2019 07:24

Two of my daughter’s best friends are boys. She’s in Y6. One of the friends she’s had since foundation so has lasted all through primary and I expect that the friendships will probably go through secondary as well.

MarthasGinYard · 19/10/2019 07:27

Dd BF is a boy since reception

He's here for a sleep over tonight they are year 5 now.

Your dc is tiny you just need to leave them to it.

Idontlikeitsomuch · 19/10/2019 07:30

Yes it did for my son, though it naturally evolved into more group of boys and girls as they got older. Still going on into secondary.

GroggyLegs · 19/10/2019 07:31

My DS is the same. School disco last night & it was very cute to see my boy dancing in a big group of his girl friends while the boys ran in circles & did knee skids down the other side of the hall.

I have the same fears - that suddenly boys will be the enemy & he'll be excluded, but I'm going to try to give him a few tools to cope with it & try to make sure he has friendships outside of school to fall back on.

I admit, to have tried to encourage his friendships with boys in particular - asking if he'd like to ask them for tea etc - but he's just not that interested so I haven't pushed it.

Swishswish26 · 19/10/2019 07:35

Yes my ds’s friendship group is all girls. He has just started in Y7 so is 11 years old. He has been friends with the girls since he started in reception. I thought it may change as he got older but it hasn’t. He has always gone to their parties and sleepovers and after about Y3 he was the only boy there.

SheShriekedShrilly · 19/10/2019 07:39

IME it’s fine in YR and Y1, becomes socially very tough in Y2-3, and then largely OK (with some ‘x is your boyfriend / girlfriend teasing) in Y4-6. Both dds have followed this pattern.

Kwackerly · 19/10/2019 07:40

Yes, my ds has had a female friend since reception. Still friends in year 8, although he has other male and female friends too. I love that his friends are both sexes - and he has never been excluded by the boys for being friends with girls too.

GeoffreyAndBungle · 19/10/2019 07:42

By pushing friendships with boys rather than girls you risk teaching your son that boys and girls are not equal and girls are not valued as much as boys as friends.

Just encourage him to be friends with whoever he wants, regardless of their sex.

My DS has a close friendship group of 5 boys and 1 girl at primary school, they are all still good friends at high school.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/10/2019 08:03

Aww it’s really heartening to hear of friendships that have lasted Smile

@SheShriekedShrilly - I’ve seen this play out with my friend’s son - very close friends with one girl in R/Y1 but he had really tough time when they hit Y2. Things like birthday parties stopped being ‘all class’ and started being a handful of friends or all boys / all girls. Her son felt really lost at things like a boys football party, but didn’t get the invited to the parties with girls. His close female friend drifted into a female friendship group and he really struggled.

So I really wanted to hear some examples of friendships that have lasted and not assume that this pattern is inevitable.

DS and his female friend are thick as thieves - lots of people comment on what a close bond they have so quickly. Which is lovely but at the back of my mind I’m thinking “oh no it’s [friend’s son] all over again”.

OP posts:
SpiderCharlotte · 19/10/2019 08:05

Absolutely. DD has been great friends with a boy since they were 2 (at playgroup). They're both now almost 14 and still close friends.

Yestermo · 19/10/2019 08:08

DS had a mix if friends. Slightly more girls than boys. All friends since nursery still hang out all the time in years 8.

MsTSwift · 19/10/2019 08:17

Dd year 6 and friends with some lovely bookish boys who don’t like football. They swap books. Dd2 is very beautiful and cool I hope when she starts having boyfriends she sticks with this group Grin

SheShriekedShrilly · 19/10/2019 08:18

OP I just let it play out - Y2-3 were pretty bad socially as it was peak time for a girl with a strong personality to try and control the friendships, lots of fallings out, tears, dd desperately trying to be part of the group but it always being temporary, the whole frenemy thing.

By Y4, both dds found the confidence to go against social expectations, tried playing with boys, found it was fun and less stressful socially.

If you are worried about your son, I’d support the friendship with playdates out of school during those years. And also with activities outside school where mixing is seen as a good thing (Beavers and choir have been great from this point of view).

Rockbird · 19/10/2019 08:20

Yes, know a good few boy/girl friend sets. All lasted/ing right through primary.

Frangipane · 19/10/2019 08:22

My son was friends with a girl all through primary and secondary. They are now in sixth form and girlfriend/boyfriend.

Honeybee85 · 19/10/2019 08:28

Me and my male (gay) friend have been friends for nearly 30 years. It started when him and his brother threw sand at me when I asked them to play with me but somehow we managed to get along for many years after the incident so far 🙂.

I would encourage him though to find some friends who are boys, when they get a bit older, girls might distance themselves because of everything that is going on trough early teen years for a while.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/10/2019 08:29

@GeoffreyAndBungle I’d never discourage friendships with girls, simply wondering whether the odd playdate with boys would be a wise ‘insurance policy’ to diversify his friendship group.

OP posts:
dogseggs · 19/10/2019 08:37

My DD is 23 now and still really close friends with the boy she made friends with at primary school. They live in different parts of the country now but it's lovely seeing them when they do get together. They'll curl up on the sofa and talk and laugh for hours about all sorts of nonsense.

Equimum · 19/10/2019 08:42

I made friends with a boy when I was in year one. We remained friends through primary school. We were less close in the early years at secondary, but by about 14, our friendship groups came together as one, and now, thirty years after we first met, we are Godparents to each others children.

HairyFloppins · 19/10/2019 08:48

Yes my dd is still friends with the boys from her nursery class aged 3. They are almost 18 now. They weren't as close during high school. But still go to parties and stuff together now.

Enko · 19/10/2019 08:58

Ds has been friends with 2 girls since year 1 (we moved and he started a new school) they are currently in year 13 and still meet up and talk all the time. He also has close friendships with boys.

Overall I think the gender lines have blended far more now and it is not a odd one that you are friends over the genders anymore.

Dd3 age 15 best friend is a boy he is a lovely caring lad and they bounce of each other well. Nothing further than friendship .

Slappadabass · 19/10/2019 08:59

My sister's best friend was a boy, they went through primary and high school together and are still best friends in their 20s.
My DD also has a male best friend, he sounds much like your DS, he's such a lovely las, they are 11 now and the friendship is still going strong. I hope they will be friends for a long time and hope the teenage years don't make them grow apart.

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