To think that sometimes it isn't wrong to discuss abortion?

[Anightofit]

The thread title is terrible but I couldn't quite think how to word it.

I'm absolutely pro-choice. I also don't want kids. So when I found myself pregnant nearly 3 years ago I found it 'easy' to decide I was going to have an abortion. I got a massive shock afterwards. I didn't expect the flood of hormones, and just couldn't get over it. It felt like I physically craved having a baby. I finally had counselling for a couple of sessions and am much better now, but still plagued with anxiety with started with the shock & trauma of what happened.

I must say, I absolutely know and realises that this isn't usual and that many, many women are perfectly fine afterwards and totally at peace with their decision. I also remain absolutely 100% pro-choice.

But, recently on Twitter I read a thread where a politician in the US tweeted about abortion, and some replies mentioned that they had struggled to cope afterwards. They were told they were lying & pro-life, right wing trolls, and that abortion regret is a myth.

I struggled, and I know other women who struggled with theirs. I know someone else who was absolutely fine and content with her decision too. But I feel like the women who do struggle afterwards, if they're pro-choice, left wing, or feminist, as I am, have no choice but to never speak about how hard they found the abortion experience, and how much they emotionally struggled afterwards, because of worry it'll feed the pro-life movement. But it doesn't seem overly rare that women are suffering in silence afterwards.

I really do think there needs to be more post-abortion support for those who want or need it, and an acknowledgement that shouting 'it's just a bunch of cells' over and over leads to women staying quite instead of seeking help.

I don't know why I'm posting really. It just seems like you're never allowed to talk about it as you might any other difficulty.

. I’m pro life but Id never condemn anyone for having one. I’ve no right to.
No women making that decision ever wants an abortion. They want to pregnant to begin with. I recall talking to someone who had an abortion when she was 17. Like yourself she was adamant she didn’t want kids so by her own admission it was an easy decision. However she’s never ever recovered or forgiven herself and She still longs for her baby. I think a lot of the time your mind and body want different things.

Theres a difference though between someone saying they found it an emotional experience and needed support afterwards and someone else saying don't do it because you'll regret it forever and will be emotionally scarred.

One supports the right to a choice but acknowledges that even though it's the right choice for that person at that time, it isn't always an easy choice. The other tries to use fear of negative consequences, i.e., damage to mental health, as a means of discouraging someone from having an abortion.

Context is everything.

I agree; I think you can have an abortion knowing it is the right decision and still find it hard afterwards and equally you can have one and feel fine with it after. I don’t think it’s wrong to admit that it can be hard and I don’t think it’s damaging to abortion rights to admit that either

I think a lot of the time your mind and body want different things. This is really interesting. I succinctly sums up how I felt.

Yes, I agree, Venger. But I think some women are reluctant to speak about about the former in case it encourages the latter.

It's always important and never wrong to discuss abortion nd the struggles that many woman can feel before/after/during.
No feeling after the treatment is wrong you feel how you feel but to have to be quiet/be afraid to express yourself is so wrong and damaging.
OP I know you said that you have been in therapy since but you can still work through this, for some the support isn't limited to a few weeks/months etc and the more you supress the more will come up and you wont heal.
For anyone who doesn't know Marie Stopes offer counselling, before and after, the team have a outstanding rating with the CQC and is the only service provider with fully quailified counsellors 7 days a week.
www.mariestopes.org.uk/other-services/counselling/

You feel how you feel, OP, it as a pp said, I think there’s a difference between saying ‘This was my experience’ and ‘Never have an abortion, it will wreck your life’.

I understand where you are coming from OP. I am pro-choice and had an abortion following an unplanned pregnancy. One of the things I found really hard in the aftermath was balancing the fact I felt sadness, loss and regret, despite being 100% behind the abortion.

I kept seeing the statistics about how few women regret the decision and it made me feel like the community who supported my right to choose had less space for my feelings. Interestingly, in the US many pro-life charities hook women in after abortions by preying on the isolation by offering abortion regret counselling.

I wish it was something more openly discussed, and that there was less posturing about how women should feel.

I dont think having an abortion cancels your right to grief or means you wont have any guilt or dont deserve or shouldnt feel it. Life isnt black and white.
Its still a loss and women have abortions for different reasons. Whats right in the moment, or based on the informatio you had then doeant guarantee you will feel ok.

Its like thinking if you gave your child up for adoption then you ought not to be upset or have no right to miss them or if you ended a relation (and i know abortion isnt quute the same but the point is loss and decisions).. you can still be sad about it.

I read you can mark the loss in a meaningful way like planting somrthing, or writing a letter. If you are reading this and struggling, be selective who you tell because not everyone understands. There is a website dedicated to abortion and grief.
Im pro choice by the way.

This is why women’s voices should be heard. It’s a discussion for women to have (or those with female bodies to be trans-inclusive!) and not for men. We need to discuss it, we need to ensure appropriate funding and support for all women regardless of their decision, and we need to support each other.

I must say, I absolutely know and realises that this isn't usual and that many, many women are perfectly fine afterwards and totally at peace with their decision.

In my experience it’s actually pretty common for women to have very mixed feelings after abortion. It’s one thing to be totally at peace with the decision knowing it was the right thing for you at the time, but there is also often grief, disappointment, a wondering about the baby that would have been and confusion because they’ve been so clear they don’t want this pregnancy to continue. Sometimes the feelings come up following abortion but are about something entirely different but triggered by the end of the pregnancy. I think there’s almost a pressure on women (possibly in society as a whole) to take everything in our stride, to manage and be ok.

I’m not sure it’s helpful at all to not talk about the multitude of very conflicting feelings women can be left with after an abortion in the same way as I think women need to be able to talk about the very conflicting feelings left when you become a mother.

The feelings don’t mean the decision was the wrong one, it means we’re complex people. OP you might find that counselling to really explore those feelings might help you lay them down - a good therapist won’t interpret your feelings as a sign you made the wrong decision but will help you talk it through.

Of course it's ok to talk like that.

I work with someone who is very pro-choice. I have a child with Downs and we had a perfectly civil conversation where I outlined my difficulties with people terminating for that reason.

As a pp said it's ok to say you have feelings but you're not standing in anyone's way to do what they want.

As with anything in life, the 'right' decision doesn't necessarily mean that you are happy about it or don't feel sadness about it. Just because statistics say people didn't regret something, it doesn't tell you anything about their other emotions.

I'm currently going through a situation in my life (it's not comparable really so don't want to derail the thread) where I have 100% made the right decision. I don't regret it and never will. But I still feel sadness and anger about it. That's just what being human is about surely?

I think perhaps it is about choosing your audience as well though. Abortion debate social media pages are probably not the best place for this discussion. It's a discussion that should be taking place, but not as a slanging match on Facebook.

There are so many reasons why women choose a termination, there can't be rules about how you should feel afterwards as we don't fit into neat boxes like that. I had an abortion as I suffered with crippling ante natal depression and quickly became very unwell. Afterwards I didn't really understand what had happened to me, and was then trying to look at things logically when they weren't logical at the time. But I still felt that as it was my decision I just had to deal with the consequences. I didn't think I had any right to talk about things.