WTF do you say to someone who's just been told their cancer is terminal?.

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We're not particularly close friends but he seems to think I was particularly kind when he was first diagnosed (I have no idea what I did/said ) and every now and then he asks if I'll go for a coffee and a chat. TBH I sometimes put him off because I'm not as nice as he thinks I am and whilst I've tried to be supportive, it can be wearing and I have my own family commitments.

Anyway he's just sent me a message with the news that no more can be done and I can't think of anything suitable to reply.

A tough one. Face to face a hug can convey far more than words.

I would start with so sorry maybe, offer to meet perhaps

"I'm so sorry to hear that BonusFriend. Coffee tomorrow?"

For your own sake as well as his, find time for a coffee.
Reply.:
I’m so sorry. Do you want to meet and talk?

How about I,m hear if you need to talk.

Veterinari and june2007 are spot on.

My thoughts are with you and you know where I am if you need a friend.

If I had cancer, especially terminal cancer, I wouldn’t want to hang around someone who found it inconvenient and wearing. It sounds like you only get together because you feel like you have to, not because you want to?

I sometimes put him off because I'm not as nice as he thinks

Not sure what this means.

As for replying, you say you're sorry to hear the news and ask if he would like to have a coffee and a chat. Please don't withdraw/ignore. Lots of people do and it's such a hurtful thing to the person who is sick.

There is good advice here for you www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/talking-about-cancer/if-someone-has-cancer

& also for your friend
www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support

I’m so sorry. What awful news. Let me know when you’d like to talk.

I think you just have to get over an reservations and just give what’s needed.
It’s full on and scary, but he’s facing death, possibly a painful death.

Now is the time to step up and be a bit selfless. Say ' I'm so sorry' 'do you want to meet up?'

Thanks for those links

Get a grip and reply asking if he'd like to have a coffee or better still a pint. He's dying. He needs friends and he probably needs to make plans with somebody who can approach it objectively and supportively. You need to step up.

I'd possibly reply with an expletive. Followed by a sorry to hear it and then asking if he wants chat.

As the wife of a dh (38) who has a terminal cancer diagnosis, if you don't want to or can't be there for him please don't string him along with the promise of coffee or meet ups. A quick text saying sorry to hear, that thinking of you would be fine.

Time to either step up or step back. No one needs false friends. Either genuinely be there for him or don’t, but shit or get off the pot!

Either...

‘Shit, so sorry to hear that. Take care’
Or. ‘Shit, so sorry to hear that. Fancy a coffee this weekend?’

Oh John I'm so very sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you ( and your family if applicable) xx Add a suggestion about meeting up if you genuinely want to be there for him.