Past links with a colleague's family. Would you mention it?

[Rockbird]

Sorry couldn't really think of a title!

I've recently started a new job and am still getting to know everyone. One of my colleagues lost their spouse about a year ago, this is a colleague that I haven't had any interaction with yet but potentially could. I'd never met them before this job.

My dilemma is this. I knew their spouse's family very well years back. I was best friends with the youngest sister in the family all through secondary school, spent a lot of time at their house etc. But we lost touch when we went our separate ways at uni. I was very sad and shocked to hear about this person's death. So do I mention that I knew them? On the one hand there is nothing to be gained from it at all. But on the other hand it feels very weird to have known them all and not to mention it. Tbh I'd rather not, but I feel like I'm hiding something. WWYD?

Yes I would mention. Maybe not on first meeting but soon after

Do you have good memories of the person who died?

If the colleague were to mention losing their spouse to you, I would 100% mention that you knew them and their family. It would be strange not to.

It's hard to know how to bring it up in conversation otherwise but I'd still err towards doing so.

I would take the initiative tbh, especially when so many people say how hurtful they find it when people can't handle death and avoid talking about their loved ones who die. Maybe something like "I was so sorry to hear about x's death last year. His sister was my best friend growing up so I knew the family well". That way there are no secrets and she might want to talk to you about him, or not.

I would. You have fond memories of him and that will be a comfort to her, I would want him mentioned to me

I would make a point of mentioning it at the first appropriate opportunity. I think it would be weird not to do so.

Yes. My dp died when I was in my 20 s and a couple of times I’ve bumped into people who knew him previously and it was very lovely, a real comfort.

Sorry, I forgot to come back to this. I have literally just spoken to them and we had a little catch up about the family. Thanks for the push!