How do you keep your shit together?

[triceratopswouldlikehats]

I'm slowly loosing the plot. Feel constantly overwhelmed and like I'm forever chasing my tail. Everything is last minute. We forget everything. I've become that person that sends a text to a loved one at 9pm on their birthday instead of a card and getting organised. It wasn't intentional and I feel like shit about it.

I'm overwhelmed and under pressure at work. The only time off I've had is for the dcs not being well. One of which was seriously unwell and needed surgery so I've run out of holiday due to that and all of the hospital appointments.

I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, that don't like to sleep. I'm working till late in the evenings after being with both dc all day. DH works really long hours and we rely heavily on his income so no chance of that changing.

How does everyone else do it?

With a 2 yr old and 1 yr old with health problems things are going to tough. Do you have childcare? If not I can’t imagine how you do it.

Simplify and outsource as much as possible.

We have a list in our shared notes of yearly events and check it at the beginning of each month.
E.g. Jan 1st - Helen birthday, MOT due 26th,

Buy all birthday cards etc for the year ahead in one trip

Can you afford a cleaner a few hours a week so that you can have some more time to do house admin? That way you will find the time to buy a birthday card and drop it in the post/pop by.

I know how you feel, I am always overwhelmed and I only have one kid! But he has ASD and I work full time. Dh works part time but refuses to do house admin because he genuinely has the shittest memory and would inevitably forget a bill or important date/appointment.

Have food shopping delivered if you don't already.

God, I could have written this when mine were 2 and 1! The fact is, this time is really hard and you’ve got compounded worries because of health issues to deal with.

My advice is simply your life like this:

1. Get rid of about 30% of all toys and clothes. That way, you have less stuff to tidy up and launder.

1. Write birthdays and other reminders onto your phone calendar for 2 weeks before you have to do anything about them. Keep a stock of cards and stamps in the house.

1. Give less of a shit about remembering stuff like sending cards and things - honestly, if people really are worth you caring about, they will understand that your life is busy and you ccant always be amazing at everything.

1. Only get a cleaner if your house is naturally quite tidy- I got so bloody stressed running about tidying up for the cleaner it almost wasn’t really worth it.

1. Have at least one night where you and dh sit together for dinner on your own and have a glass of wine.

1. Remember that this stage is bloody hard and that you are amazing for managing it.

1. Accept all forms of help that are offered.

1. Switch off your phone at 8pm.

If I had done these things 3 years ago, I’d have been such a happier person. I look back now and feel really sorry for myself then, frantically trying to keep up appearances and look under control. You are fine, you are enough - but you must look after yourself too.

Oh, and buy the same coloured socks for everyone so you don’t have to waste a second pairing them.

Everything goes on the calendar and I write myself a to do list for the following day to make sure everything crucial is done.
I have 6,3&2yr olds so I totally understand those overwhelming days, but seriously you feel so much more accomplished on the days you get the to do list completed!