Holiday - how to split costs/cooking etc

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My husband and I are going on a holiday with a group of friends - it will be five couples, all with children under 15 - so about 25 of us in total.

The idea for the holiday was ours, and we have paid for the big house - we're a lot better-off than our friends, and they have very happily accepted the offer, and we're all looking forward to the holiday together. In the original conversation we said that they only have to pay for travel to the place.

Now I have started to worry about the food situation. We haven't discussed it at all, and I am worrying that everyone thinks we are paying for the whole holiday, food included. It's self-catering, and I am imagining we will eat lots of bread, cheese, soup, pasta type things,. Definitely nothing extravagant but I don't want to have to pay for everyone's food all week. Do you think people will have assumed this is the case, or should I clarify?

And while we're on the subject, how would you split it? Per person (so larger families pay more) or assuming children eat less, count adults and one and children as half? Or equally between each family? How will we manage the situation where someone says "but I didn't have breakfast / drink any coffee / etc"?

We've never done a holiday like this before, and we're looking forward to it so much, but I am really worried now that it will go wrong and we'll all fall out over a misunderstanding about this kind of stuff.

Mumsnet wisdom please, from anyone who has successfully done a self-catering holiday with friends and not fallen out over who ate the most cheese......

Thank you!

Would a kitty work if you’re planning to eat in a lot? £20 for adults £10 per child or something and use that to pay for shops, coffees etc and top up as needed while you’re away. That’s what we usually do for group holidays

That's very generous of you. However if people assume you are paying for food, I can see why. If it wasn't discussed or made clear then how are people to know? I wouldn't ever assume someone would fund me in this way but you know your friends. You really need to initiate a conversation about food in case people have cheekily assumed you will cover their food 🤯 maybe set up a WhatsApp group and ask for people's opinions on fairly sharing the food budget. Keep it simple, hi folks holiday is fast approaching. Wondering the easiest way of splitting the food costs. We discussed everyone putting in a kitty for catering at home, and if we eat out everyone pays their fair share of the bill? What do you think 🤔 just get people taking. And in future make sure to be clear at the start, pay for travel, food and personal spends.

We split costs by number of adults unless there’s a massive outlier like a single parent with 7 kids. This is mainly because alcohol is at least half the total bill so it works out about fair.

We do a kitty with these type of things. Usually just counting the adults but all our children are under 10. Everyone brings/buys their own alcohol and then the kitty pays for a big food shop. Also each couple takes it in turns cooking the evening meal if eating in. Everyone pays their own way when eating out.

OP, first off, clarify quickly by setting up a WhatsApp group.
I would suggest they all bring their individual breakfast preferences like cereal and jam, snacks, condiments etc.

Agree a meal for each night that one family takes responsibility for cooking each night.
Each person responsible for their own minerals and alcohol.

Decide on an amount to cover bread, milk, sandwich stuff and the ingredients for the meal.

Probably 10 a day per adult, 5 per child.

The most important thing is you clarify the food.

If everyone brings their favourite cereal,snacks, condiments etc, they can bring this stuff home as well.

Otherwise you could find yourself doing a huge shop.

Since property rentals are invariably self catering I honestly can't imagine anyone would think you're paying for the food as well, but if you think this likely it definitely needs mentioning

Personally I like the £x per adult / £y per child idea, but with so many coming I wouldn't accept "food/drink provided in lieu of payment" when you've already been so generous ... there's every chance too little would be brought and "that's ours" issues would crop up

Always best to make these things very clear from the start so there are no misunderstandings

How long are you going for?

I think I would suggest that each family unit takes a day each, and provides, cooks and clears up food for everyone on that day. The advantage of this is that each family is in control of their own spends - family who is flush could choose to do something fancy/expensive like salmon or duck or steak, a family who is watching their pennies more could do spag carbonara and garlic bread/salad, or homemade pizzas or vegetable curry etc.

Do a communal shop for cereals, milk, bread, coffee, sandwich fillings etc to cover breakfasts/light lunch. TBH if you're sufficient more wealthy than everyone else and able to pay for this, then I probably would, but if you don't wish to then set up a kitty.

OP to me it sounds as if you've invited them and you are hosting too. Clear this up ASAP. Will you be doing the cooking for 25 every time as well?

I would definitely have clarified this on booking!

How many nights are you staying for?

Get as many people together as you can to organise an online shop.
We go away together every year as part of a massive group (well, similar numbers to yours but we all pay our own share of accomodation too) and do a rough plan of meals.
Then we split the cost between us, using 1 unit per adult and 0.5 for the children because some families have 1 and one family has 3. It’s fairest that way. General booze goes on the big shop, all adults drink so wine, beer, fizz and spirits are included in all this and then split between the number of adults paying.
This only works for us because none of us are petty. Eg I don’t drink wine, beer or fizz, only vodka but I don’t quibble about paying for a share of the other stuff too because it’s swings and roundabouts and all evens out in the end. To be honest, even if it doesn’t, I don’t care!
But you need to be upfront about payment for the food and drinks etc not being included. I can’t see that people would think you’ll be footing the bill but then I couldn’t think that people would accept a holiday from someone else either so best to be very clear

We go away as a big group every year and do a variant on the 'kitty' situation where we do big supermarket shops en masse (or with one representative from each family), everyone puts whatever they want in the trolley including alcohol and stuff for kids, someone sticks the whole shop on a credit card, keeps the receipt and we split the costs evenly between us once we get home (we just divide between families, figuring that although older kids/teens eat more, younger ones/toddlers need more 'specialist' items, nappies etc so it works out about evenly). Each family takes a turn at cooking evening meals (lunches are more grab what you want). I can see this system only works because we all have similar incomes and trust one another though - if we didn't it would be ripe for tensions/problems, as if you have uneven incomes in the group either the less well-off families will have to stretch themselves to meet a higher budget than they would have chosen for themselves, or the richer ones will have to deprive themselves which might not go down well! Plus is it fair to ask non drinkers to pay for alcohol, or families with older kids to pay for formula, nappies etc for babies, or whatever?

So perhaps a compromise would be to agree a modest kitty per family or pp that will cover basics like bread, milk, 'basic' breakfast and lunch supplies etc. Then each family to buy any alcohol and luxuries they want themselves, plus each family to buy and cook one dinner for everyone (as pp says people can then cut their cloth according to income?)...

Email them all and say how do you want to manage food, shall we do a kitty of take turns etc on a rota?

Don't let anyone be caught out, so do it in advance, but do it as above.

The issue here is if you've told them they just have to pay for travel it's reasonable for them to assume that. So put them right.

Have any of them asked you 'what's happening about the food situation'?
If not then it seems like they're seeing it as your initial offer of 'only have to pay for travel to the place' ie you're covering both accommodation and food!

Thanks everyone. I'll definitely start a conversation about how we'll manage food / cooking. I like the idea of one family per day being in charge of buying, cooking and clearing - let's see if they go for that suggestion.

It's only because of Mumsnet's various threads about CFs and other friendship/holiday disasters that I've started to realise these things need to be sorted out in advance, to avoid grief further down the road!

Ah yes, I missed the bit about them being told they'd "only have to pay for travel"

TBH I still can't believe anyone would assume OP's paying for everything else - at least without checking and saying "are you sure?" - but that definitely needs clarifying just in case

Depends on the number of days, if a week, every family cooks once and put in £10 per person for breakfast, lunch, snacks non alcoholic drinks etc perhaps each family brings some alcoholic drinks of their choice. Eat out once or twice

Let us know how it goes op! Can you suggest a supermarket delivery to the place and ask everyone how they'd like to do it?

I think it is unfortunate you said they would only have to pay for travel. Now you are asking them to pay for something that previously they weren't being asked to, and whilst it is incredibly generous of you to pay for the accommodation, it could be some people only said yes, based on the fact they wouldn't need to to find anything apart from travel.

You know these friends and their financial position - is funding food going to cause difficulties for anyone? Presumably if they were at home they would be feeding themselves, so as long as this doesn't cost loads more, I can't see it is an issue, but you are changing what you said originally and that could cause a little frustration. The fact you're doing something very generous doesn't really change that frustration if people are now going to find themselves paying for something they will struggle to afford.

We often go away in groups. One way we do it is one person does a massive shop and splits the bill between the families. This is easier when there are just 2 or 3 families. Before you do this, you really need to agree a max price per family before shopping - people might have wildly varying ideas about what is appropriate to spend - often influenced by how much they drink etc.

Another way is to make each family responsible for one evening meal and then do a shop for lunch bits and breakfast bits. Catering for 25 isn't easy and you will need loads of bread and cheese and milk etc and probably need a couple of deliveries through the week. Much better to get money in advance as a kitty and then refund any left over.

Re booze, often good to ask everyone to bring what they will drink....t avoids the problem of those who drink one glass of wine or a coke subsidising the heavy drinkers....this can be a bone of contention.

I would email a suggestion about how to do it, rather than askimg for opinions. How about asking each family to commit to making one evening meal for all (people need to mention any dietary needs to the whole group via email or group chat) and also to paying £100 per family into a kitty for breakfasts and lunches.

You might feel you need to say something like 'I hope you won't mind if I ask each family to pay for their food' to cover the fact you didnt mention it previously. It will be very difficult for anyone to say they don't want to or will struggle to pay - are you open to the possibility of anyone saying that or have you considered what you will do if they say something like that? It's unlikely though.

This food thing could become stressful for you and it could also cost you money and more than your share if you're not careful. Very clear messages, on-going communication and probably getting money in up front will all help. It will require everyone to commit to the plan and be organised and pay up on time and deliver on any promises to supply meals. You know your friends - some groups would find this easy to sort and others almost impossible to manage. Someone taking clear leadership will be vital....a laissez dairy, go with the flow approach won't lead to good outcomes or a restful trip for you.

I'd also discuss and set out some clear meal times, because otherwise a big group like this can be very difficult. Help-yourself breakfast at whatever time people like, usually works well. Similar for sandwich type lunches is good if people are in or taking packed lunches. Definitely have a set time for an evening meal - how about a time to include children most days, to avoid cooking twice and possibly one or two adult only later meals.

Good luck and hope You haVe a a great time.

Cooking for 25 people even for one day is a massive PITA. I've cooked for 12 people on a rota system for a week and did 2 days. It always fall on one person of the family/couple unit to do the majority of legwork. Some people used our ingredients the day before for their meals because they failed to plan a day ahead and were too lazy to do their own shopping. It never works ime. Group self catering holidays are hard work and I've never found them to be at all relaxing. Good Luck. I suggest having at least one day off and go out to eat (separately - you don't want to divy up a bill for 25!)

When I go away with my family (around 30 of us!) we all bring our own bits and pieces or do an online shop per family for lunches, breakfasts, snacks and alcohol. Meals we share and take turns to cook. We plan ahead what we will make and who will cook it. We also do a couple of take away nights to ease the load. Some easy group meals are chilli con carne, pizza and spaghetti bolognese. If it's the first time it will be a bit of trial and error but as long as you communicate it shouldn't be too bad.

They would have to pay for their own food at home for the week so I can’t see why anyone has assumed they won’t need to - or indeed can’t afford to - on holiday.
I’d send round a chatty email with a suggestion - which suits you - for how to tackle the food and drinks. But be open to other ideas.

Most people don’t have close friends who are Cf of the type read about on here. We’ve had loads of fun on group holidays - sometimes have had the problem of too much food and drink left at the end as everyone over caters a bit “just in case”.

A practical tip is that assuming you don’t get the keys until late afternoon like most holiday let’s, either encourage people to eat before setting off/on the way by saying they can arrive from 9, or get a few people to bring a lasagne or similar, someone else salad, etc. So t just needs warming up and the table setting.
No one wants to cook when they’ve got kids to settle in a new place, and friends to catch up with.

Good point about something very easy for arrival. Also recognise some might arrive late or after meal time (you’ll need to specify the time) so a big pot of something which was cooked in advance and people can heat up a portion of helps. Lasagne is good or some kind of nice ready meal?

You’ll see it’s a bit like organising a school trip -25 is a class size after all. It can feel like herding cats unless everything is spelled out in advance including meal times, who cooks, money and clearing up.

Don’t be afraid to spell it out. People will understand and much worse bad feeling arises from a lack of communication and confusion.

This sounds like a nightmare OP. Will there be a fridge/freezer but enough to store food for that amount of people? I would suggest you email them saying everyone will take a day at cooking and ask them to give a few possible dish suggestions that the rest can vote for. No point someone doing chilli when half the group don't like it and will want to do their own meals.

Will there be a fridge/freezer but enough to store food for that amount of people?

It's a fair point, but if the place sleeps 25 I'd imagine the owners would have thought of that?

Puzzled I'm sure a standard fridge will be fine for a few days, posters were suggesting to do a big shop before, but if the duration is more than 3+ days I can't see any domestic fridge that will be big enough (think of the milk alone!) then they will have to do a daily shop. Suddenly the 'free' holiday might not sound so appealing!