Does your 3 year old have a 'favourite' parent?

[Florencenotflo]

Dd is 3.5 and we've got dd2 who is 7 weeks old. She has started to really favour me for all things, she only wants me when she's upset, only wants me to get up with her in the morning, only wants me to help her wash her hands, dress her, play with her etc. She tells DH to go away or that he's not allowed to help her.

Is this likely to be a phase? DH is just letting her get on with it but I think deep down it's starting to hurt him a little bit. He hasn't really seen her for a week because of his shifts, so today he planned to take her to the park, out for lunch then the cinema. She was so tearful leaving me (I stayed home with the baby for a sleep!) DH was reluctant to 'make' her go, but once they were out they had a lovely time.

I think this has all started from when I went into hospital to have dd2 (elcs I was away from Dd for 3 nights). DH regularly goes away for work so Dd is used to that, but while I was in hospital DH said she wasn't herself.

Has anyone else had this? Did it resolve itself? DH is a brilliant dad and when I'm not on mat leave we share childcare so she's usually with us 50/50. So far we've just let her get on with it but MIL said today she thinks she is being a bit fickle and we need to toughen up with her. She's had a lot of changes recently with the new baby, I just wondered what I could do to make it a bit better!

Your DD is currently ruling the roost and while yes there have been changes, to put it bluntly, you do have a second child to think about. Don’t let your eldest decide who gets to bath her or put her to bed - if you decide it’s your DH then enforce it. She will soon get used to the new routine.

I saw with my nieces older DN got much more clingy to her mum when her sister was born (she was 3). She also did a lot of pretend play where she was a baby again and insisting on 'help' with things she could easily do herself because she was a 'baby'.

I saw it as her way of responding to the new arrival and having to share her parents attention but, being 3, not having a way to understand or articulate her feelings. It must be a really difficult time for small children. DN did grow out of that phase (she's now 7) but it has always been replaced by another sibling dynamic challenge or joy!

I'm sure there are gentle ways for you to support your DD to adapt to her new circumstances. Make time for a chat and tell her you have noticed her behavior and why you think it might be. Then think of ways you can support her like enabling her to have 100% of your attention for say 30min, planning something you can do as a family that is really just for her or planning for her to have a special trip out just with daddy. Tell her what you are doing so she realizes she is still super special & important to you both.

HTH

All of ours have had a favourite parent at age three. Our youngest is currently demonstrating it perfectly. It has always been me because I am the primary care giver. It has corrected itself over time and our eldest would now favour his Dad. However if we said Dad was doing bath and bed then that is what happened despite the screams. Then I would pop up to kiss goodnight at the end.