The best era to be a single mum

[madcatladyforever]

I was thinking about how easy it was to be a single mum when I had my son.
It was 1983, childminding was really cheap if you wanted to work, if you didn't they had single mum hostels that were not luxury but ok and from there you could move straight into a council house which you could buy later on when you went back to work, benefits were (compared to universal credit) pretty good.
I always went out to work and bought my own home which was a lot harder.
But most of my friends chose the council house route, later bought their homes when they went back to work and have lovely homes today worth a lot of money.
It must be gruelling to be a single parent today. What do you think?

I don’t have experience first hand but I would be very interested to know if it was the Blair years as many (myself included) would assume

To be honest I think being any parent nowadays is a lot harder than being an 80s parent. Back then you could buy a house on 1 wage with no deposit, now it’s almost impossible unless you have 2 full time wages and a large deposit. Childcare is expensive whether there’s 2 parents or 1

I was able to put ds2 into a day nursery at 21 months, and I paid £25 a week for 25 hours which was affordable.
On the other hand, girls are encouraged to keep their babies now, and there's no stigma attached.

But the reason why they don't get council houses is because they've all been bought by previous tenants!

Funnily enough it was Margaret Thatcher she was 1979 to 1990.

Another thing that was great was that if you weren't married to the father he had no parental rights or custody.

So if you had someone violent or abusive you could deny him access. If you were married then you had to allow him to have access.

That didn't always work in the interests of the child of course but it was great for abused women who weren't married.

I bought my first house for £19,000, no way anyone could do that today.

We were past the 60s and 70s where you were forced to give up your child and equal rights for women had changed employment rights. I was the first single parent allowed to come back to work after having my child at Bedford Hospital. My manager (male) tried to sack me but he was dismissed for it. Before then I'd have been dismissed.

They were good times.

Definitely a lot worse today than even 10 years ago when I was a single mum (still am but kids into their teens & one is passed the receiving child benefit etc for them stage).

I got around £314pw in my hand in benefits & still got full housing & council tax benefit which equates to £170pw. Even when I went back to work part time I was still bringing in roughly the same & receiving full HB & CTB with free childcare from my parents.

I'm full time now & I earn £270pw get £80pw in tax credits & child benefit but no housing benefit & only the 25% single persons reduction for CT.

Dreading the time when the tax credits stop & I only have my wages coming in - serious chat with boss at appraisal time this year.

The problem is that along with the massive cuts to benefits the cost of living has risen so much but wages have remained stagnant.

My utilities were £10pw back then but now they're £25, my food shop, made up of mostly branded & luxury items, was around £75pw now for the cheapest things, no luxuries & shopping around for deals I'm £40-50 (shopping the way I used to would give me a weekly bill of around £150). Fuel for the car has gone up massively I used to fill my tank for £25 from empty now it's £45-50.

Much much MUCH harder in the late 80's. I disagree with your post as my mother was left by her husband and as their were no tax credits or any help in those days she had to go to work when I was 3 months old FULL TIME. She had no choice as she didn't want to go on the dole, as it was hardly anything so she did this for years. Had NO help with childcare fees had to pay full fees for childminders to look after me.
Now I'm a single mum similar age as my mum now and my mum cannot believe the help I get these days and I still work too. In some ways it's hard but I wouldn't have wanted to be single mother then

had to go to work when I was 3 months old FULL TIME. She had no choice as she didn't want to go on the dole, as it was hardly anything so she did this for years. Had NO help with childcare fees had to pay full fees for childminders to look after me but isn’t that is someway why it was easier. If a single mother had no help now and went back to work, I doubt she could afford the childcare (unless a higher tax payer)

I didn’t find it too hard when I was a single mum from 2007-2012. Combination of working part time, benefits and uni grant (non-repayable) I think every situation is different.

The fathers rights movement has been a huge impediment to single mothers - both married and (especially) unmarried.

They solved a small problem of manipulative controlling mothers and unintentionally created and exacerbated the problem of abusive and controlling fathers. The law of unintended consequences (at least on the part of the judiciary) in action.

Generally speaking, the mid 70s to the mid 90s was a golden age for women in terms of both improved legal rights and favourable view of working women and mothers. From the late 90s, the pendulum has swing right back the other way. You can see it visually just in the clothes and minimal makeup/hair women could "get away with" in the former period, vs the contouring and full body hair hair removal we are confronted with today. And sexy strangulation. 🤨 Thanks porn. All symptoms of a soured attitude to women, generally over the period.

Far worse now than when I started as a lone parent (15 years ago).

Council tax benefit - cut
Universal Credit - which wanker thought that one up?
Mortgage interest payment - totally and utterly gone, and without warning!
DLA - changed to PIP. Still waiting to hear and expecting to need to appeal.

Bills and food - gone up 50% in 15 years. Income fallen by about 40%.

I can only hope going through the courts for residency is not such an horrendous ordeal, 15 years on.

And I would have liked to test the coercive control laws.

It is harder now compared to 3/4 years ago even, if I compare my circumstances to my mum lone parenting from 93/94 to 2000's she was a lot better off!

Isn’t that the problem, though?

Over £1200 a month and no housing costs is a LOT of money for someone not working. Sorry, but it is.

I think now is great - no stigma, I get more with tax credits for working two easy days than most of my married /cohabiting / childless colleagues get working full time, I made the mistake of sharing what I earn once and they were really shocked. And for me every weekend is a 5 day weekend... so my kids and home are much better looked after than if I was working full time, and I've got the time and money thanks to tax credits to let me have my own horse, which has been a dream come true for me.

@highwindowsbluesky I completely agree - whilst I don't want anyone to be living in poverty working should never make you worse off than not working but for people like me that has been the case.

I've just done the entitled to calculations & I'd be £230 a month worse off on UC - however if I was on benefits I'd give up my car which costs around £400 a month for the car payment, insurance, fuel & upkeep so in real terms I'd be £100 better off after I'd bought the discounted monthly bus ticket.

@MyhorseMyfreedom good luck when DC grow up & the tax credits stop

I was a single mum 2006 to 2008

It was ok, my son was 3 months old when I left his abusive dad. I got all my private rent paid plus council tax plus income support and tax credits. I had about £150 a week once rent was paid. But before food and other bills. I had be fairly careful with money but we got by.

The job centre was supportive, i wasn't pressured into work and I applied to university when he was one which the jobcentre helped me with. I got a bursary (nhs) and childcare help which enabled me to mostly come off benefits. I was also extremely fortunate enough to be offered a council house when my LL decided to sell up.

It sounds fucking awful these days with universal credit, the cost of renting and lack of council houses and just the general shitty attitude towards single mums esp those who need any form of benefits 😔

I have been with my husband 11 years, we've had 2 more dc and managed to buy a beautiful house together. I don't need to work as he's a high earner but I do work part time. But I absolutely dread with every bone in my body if dh ever left and if i became single again, dc and I would be fucked with how it is now.

Suspect @MyhorseMyfreedom may be some kind of name changing goady fucker tory

I think it's getting worse now. I've been a LP for a decade. I'm waiting to be hit with universal credit. The five week wait will be fun, I hope I can scrape by.
No stigma though.

There is still stigma in some areas of the country

I was a working single mum 1992-1994 and whilst I got no top up benefits or housing help I did have access to a wonderful council run nursery for 92p a day from 8am-6pm

There is still stigma in some areas of the country

There is & this coupled with ever decreasing benefits & limited housing options will force women to stay with abusive men.

My tax credits are going down soon (universal credit is being rolled out in my area, though I haven't made any changes to my claim, so it hasn't been triggered yet).

Childcare, children's clothing, school extras and extra curricular all cost a bomb. Not forgetting days out, Christmas, birthdays, and parties, and an annual domestic holiday if you're lucky enough to be able to save for one.

I'm doing driving lessons, which don't come cheap, but I hope to improve our prospects by having a car and being able to travel anywhere without restrictions. The costs of running a car will obviously bring our expenses up.

There's still a lot of stigma and stereotype attached to single mothers, and I feel my DC are treated differently too.

I have an excellent credit rating. On my online banking I am told I can borrow up to £75k, though cannot use the loan to purchase property. While the idea of owning a forever home does sound appealing, after all we've put so many memories into our little private rent, the cost involved puts me off.

I'm glad the 80s was a kind era for single mums. I hope things will improve, so that survivors of DV and their children can get the safety and security they deserve.

Madcatlady- Childminders might have been cheap, but weren’t they really bad in the 80’s, not regulated and children just left to watch tv?

MyHorseMyFreedom- wait til you get moved to universal credit! The benefit cuts/ reforms were designed to stop people like you!

I had my dd in 2006 and have always been a single parent to her.

When dd was young the tax credits were generous and paid for the majority of her childcare, when dd was 3yo we got a council flat which was ideal for us.

I've been able to work part time up until dd was 9yo ish and now work full time. I now live in a two bed shared ownership house in a good area.

I feel grateful I had dd when labour were still in power, the tax credit system really helped me. There was also money for children's centres which were a good source of support when dd was little.

I think it would be a lot harder now under the current government.

Out of interest what was your occupations?

In the care homes, retail, wages were around £2 an hour and a proper child minder could be £1 an hour.

Anyone cheaper was totally unregulated, as was nearly all. I can remember a few children being killed by childminders.

I was looked after by a childminder in the 70's and it wasn't a good experience. In tje 70/80's people still smacked.

Hostels weren't generally available everywhere and the flats were awful. Rent deposits were never given back and it could be a real issue to get out of the cycle of poverty.

The only benefits were income support and CB and they wasn't any better than UC.

You've been lucky to escape the stigma of being a LP in the 80's. Abused Woman lived in terror because of a lack of protection from any services and the stigma from society.

Life eas dire in Thatcher's 80's Liverpool.

For most of the North, I'd say the 90's and Blair era.

"I'm glad the 80s was a kind era for single mums."

The Daily Mail/Sun used to run weekly stories how everything going wrong was because of Single Mums, they were vilified.

Yes you could get a coin house but tje were unheated and single glazed and in some areas, falling to bits.

You had to put up with open sexism and secual harassment, unless you had male relatives around.