Help me sort life out!!- please?

[milkysmum]

Hi, I am hoping to get some advise from some wise women in here as my life feels like it could easily spiral into disaster if I don't get a grip and quick style!
H and I separated around 18 months ago, I remain in the family home with our two children age 10 and 8. Contact is very hit and miss with their dad and he pays no maintenance. He had recently informed me he had moved in with another woman and her teenage children and will be having our children 'regularly soon'.
I have few friends, not non but a couple only. I never really go out, I work, come home, sort the kids hobbies, repeat. My mood has been getting low and I've hit the wine a bit too much ( as in nearly a bottle a night!)
I have had a work night out recently and got so drunk I ended up sleeping with an employee- very out of character and I'm mortified. I did have a bit of a crush on him but only because he was nice to me, and it felt good for someone to care. Safe to say now things are very awkward at work and I have clearly made a huge mistake and misread his 'niceness'.
I've started filing for divorce but am just feeling really sorry for myself. I'm 39 and life just wasn't meant to turn out this way. I can't imagine how I'll ever meet someone else and I'm terrified I'll end up sat at home drinking wine alone every night. I need a serious wake up call don't I!?

Don't blame yourself just because you made a mistake. We all do it. Hold your head up high when you go into work and if anyone says anything, just ignore it. Have you got family to help out? Maybe to babysit occasionally while you go and do something just for you? Gym, swimming, join a rambling group?

First thing is to knock the wine on the head. Not forever but just for a bit because you think you’re overdoing it and it’s hard to think straight and plan if you’re half-cut every evening. Im not judging you though; I love a wine but I try to drink when I’m happy rather than down.
Don’t worry about the bloke at work. These things happen. The above advice was good.
Concentrate on nice evenings for you and the kids. Good luck

Well, these things happen.
Besides, I can’t blame you for drinking, you’re going through a rough patch, whatever sees you through the day.
But, alcohol is a depressant. You’re actually making things worse by drinking.
You’ll meet someone when you’re good and ready. In the meantime, start redecorating the house or something. Seek some counselling. Find out who you are. Be kind to yourself, as if you were to a friend.

Don’t worry about the shag thing, shit happens.

Yes you do need a serious wake up call before things get worse! So here I am virtually shaking you out of your self-pity stupor!!!!!

If you want to have a good moan, go ahead. If you want to have a good cry because things have not gone as planned, you're entitled to it. Make sure your DCs are safely in bed and just weep yourself to sleep! Then get up the next day and ask your self, "Right! What now?! What do I need to do? Where do I need to be? What do I want from now?" Then go right ahead and take steps to do those things, from mundane everyday stuff to big life plans!

Getting drunk and making poor life decisions because you CHOSE to get drunk is not the end of the world but "hitting the bottles" every night will solve NOTHING and may make things harder for you to cope with sober! Think of the DCs and find a way to move past this unfortunate time in your lives without spiralling out of control.

I am not giving you pity!I am giving you compassion - I understand what your going through but dont let it become your excuse to continuously make poor life decisions especially with DCs. You can stop things in its tracks now before they get our of control.x

Right.

Number 1: Quit the booze. Set yourself a goal (6 months, 12 months) and starting today, you are going to be sober til then.

Number 2: Find a babysitter who can come once a week. Once a week you are going to get out the house and DO something. If you have a standing arrangement with the babysitter, and they depend on the money, it will force you to get out. You can pay for it with all the money you're saving from not drinking a bottle of wine a night.

Number 3: Time to make a list of hobbies. Anything and everything -- things you've always wanted to try, things you would never dare try, things that sound terrifying or silly or whatever. Skydiving. Football. Pottery class. Ice skating. Competitive jam making. Park run. Rowing. Singing. Tango dancing. Poetry. Bell ringing. Reenactment. Dungeons and Dragons. Knitting. Book binding. Whatever. Make a big list, and on your weekly evening/afternoon off you're going to try one hobby at a time, every week. Some you'll hate, some you'll love. Some will introduce you to people who are weird, some to people who are awesome. Maybe blog about it or write a journal. Tell your friends and get them to cheer you on. Anything to get you out the house and out your comfort zone, exploring who you are now and what you enjoy.

Number 4: Don't stress about dating right now. This is a time to figure yourself out and who you are now without your former husband.

You can do this.