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Original poster

Being a Granny, what's normal?

16 replies

Hiredandsqueak · 13/10/2019 08:57

Dd has dgs now four months old. Dd is a wonderful mother and so attentive. Dd is raising dgs by herself but makes it look very easy.
Dgs is a lovely baby but I don't feel emotionally attached to him. I coo at him like I would at any baby because it's what a mum would like.
I have helped dd a lot, but my help is always aimed at supporting dd so she can look after dgs rather than looking after dgs myself. So I cook and clean for her, do laundry, buy her things that she needs or wants for baby etc.
So if you are a Granny what do you do? I've never really enjoyed the baby stage with my own dc so I'm hoping that when dgs is older the bond grows but realised yesterday that even though dd was here for three hours yesterday i didn't cuddle baby at all but I did make food for dd, had done some laundry for her and baked her a cake.

OP posts:

flyingsharks · 13/10/2019 09:03

I'm not a grandparent. But my mum and dad are fantastic grandparents to my children.

You sound like a lovely gran. In the first few month my parents were just like you. They helped me rather than the baby's. they did washing, cooking, cleaning.

As the children grew, they then started doing a lot for the kids. Ie, days out so I could have a little break. Childcare. All the fun 'messy' activities at their house !

I'm sure the same will happen with you. I think your role changes with each stage in the little ones life.

nowifi · 13/10/2019 09:05

You sound like a top Granny! That is what I would have wanted in the first few months too!

hairyturkey · 13/10/2019 09:12

Ah you sound amazing! And yes I am sure once his personality develops a bit then you will start to bond with him.

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onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 13/10/2019 09:19

I think that as a granny you don't always have an instant bond but I found that as I gradually became involved in doing more of the care for my DGC our relationship developed. By the time they were six months I was completely besotted.

Dieu · 13/10/2019 09:24

Honestly don't worry! You are supporting in the best possible ways. And the bond will come when baby is older and more interesting/fun

Ohnoherewego62 · 13/10/2019 09:25

You're providing and meeting your daughters needs which enables her to be a good mother.

You are a good granny.

Sometimes, new mothers (including myself) just needed granny to take over for a little bit.

You sound lovely.

ShippingNews · 13/10/2019 09:29

I'm a granny , and agree with the other posts- you're doing fine. I was the same at that stage - doing the housework, washing, cooking while the parents did the parenting. Now they are older, I'm feeling that bond which is so precious between children and grandparents. Don't worry - that will come for you too.

Shosha1 · 13/10/2019 09:36

I did the same for DDIL when DGD was born. Now DGD is almost three and she comes to stay sometimes. We have such fun. We do things that DParents don't have time to do (Both work and both doing OU). She is here for Halloween and DSister is bringing her DGS over. We have a day of Halloween fun. Sticking and baking, Pumkin carving and making decorations for the front door. She is so excited about handing out sweetie.

As Grandchildren get older you can have all the fun. Then hand them back fir the boring buts

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/10/2019 09:36

You’re doing brilliantly. Your DD needs you as her mum right now more than your DGS needs you as his granny and if you’re all happy and well cared for then crack on as you are. My mum makes it clear that while she adores my baby DD she comes to see me just as much and that’s better for everyone than the parents of some of my friends who are so obsessed with their grandkids they push their own children out of the way to get to them.

LenoVintura · 13/10/2019 09:38

I'm a granny. I do whatever I'm asked to do. Mainly that seems to be having DGC to sleep overnight so the parents can have a night away or whatever. I do exactly what I'm told in respect of food, mealtimes, naps etc. I buy things that DGC appears to need e.g. when DDiL mentioned she hadn't had time to get a raincoat and brought DGC to me on a wet day I took him and got one. I also buy things he doesn't need but they don't mind that.

I don't offer unsolicited advice unless they seem to be struggling and when I have done that, they have appreciated it. I don't drop in unannounced and I don't make any comments about the state of their house.
So far, so good...

userabcname · 13/10/2019 09:49

I think that sounds perfect. My mum did similar for me when DS was newborn. Little babies only really want mum anyway ime. As DS has gotten bigger she is more hands-on with him.

Original poster

Hiredandsqueak · 13/10/2019 12:03

This is reassuring anyway so thank you. It's just you read on here of parents complaining either Granny wants to take over or Granny not helping enough and it seems a fine line to tread. Dd and dgs seem blissfully happy anyway so hopefully I am getting it right for now.
My own dm had died when I was a child so I don't really have any idea of what a Granny should do and mil was disabled so was unable to be hands on. I'm trying to be what I would have wanted when my babies were born but find myself questioning whether I'm getting it right.

OP posts:

Dieu · 13/10/2019 12:06

Well, I think all you grandmothers on here sound bloody amazing!

Lepetitpiggy · 13/10/2019 12:07

I am granny to two (three in a few months!) and I am not very hands on. DD has a fairly overbearing MIL who pretty much takes over so I stay quietly in the background which means dd will come to me instead of me barging in and telling her what to do - DD is also very strong minded so MIL get short shrift a lot the time!
I see them maybe once a fortnight but always ask if I can do anything in between. I know she will tell me if she needs something and I feel I'm a bit more the vice of calm than her MIL.
It is difficult, especially when I'm working ft but I adore them completely and would do anything for them. That's what its all about I reckon

raspberryk · 13/10/2019 12:09

If they've had a rough night offer to walk the baby in the pram after a feed while mum naps. Hold baby so mum can drink a hot drink/eat with 2 hands.
When they're ready offer to watch baby while they have some me time.
The help round the house sounds amazing though I wish I'd had that!

Billballbaggins · 13/10/2019 12:10

You sound like you’re doing a great job. As you know, even with mothers the bond can take time, so keep doing what you’re doing and supporting your DD. With your grandson maybe once he’s bigger and you can actually ‘do’ stuff with him and play properly then that bond will strengthen. I never really understand relatives who basically ignore the mother and become obsessed with the baby and taking over - you seem to be focused on supporting your DD and that’s great because she can then focus on her baby while feeling loved and supported and not pushed out. So keep doing what you’re doing.

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