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Original poster

Party invite - how to word it when you need parents to stay?

22 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/10/2019 22:44

My son wants a bowling party for his 7th birthday. He has autism and adhd. He needs me to be able to help him and watch his social interactions and intervene where necessary.
I am inviting 10 friends, hoping maybe 7 will come so there will be 8 in total.
I can't watch all the other children and watch mine and keep him (and others) safe.
I've not done a party where anyone has dropped and ran yet. But I do think people will see bowling party and think oh great, I can leave them there.
So how would you write a polite note on the invites asking parents to stay to supervise their child?
Thanks!

OP posts:

EskewedBeef · 12/10/2019 22:46

You could ask just a couple of the other parents if they would be happy to help out. Are there any that you already know? You won't need all of them there.

SD1978 · 12/10/2019 22:49

I agree with @EskewedBeef - they don't all need to stay unless they also have children with additional needs, two other adults, maybe three Max would be able to supervise 7-9 other 6-7 year olds. Is individually ask a couple of parents, or do you have any family memebers/ other older kids in the extended family you could ask to help? They don't all need to stay.

AntiHop · 12/10/2019 22:51

"Please can an adult stay with the child rather than just dropping them off."

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FAQs · 12/10/2019 22:52

Put on the invites, parent partition/help appreciated.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/10/2019 22:53

I do know 3 of the other parents to speak to. I know one of them will stay as her child also has autism. She always stays at parties. I think the other two will stay, or arrange for another adult to watch theirs.
But I don't see any other parents outside of school or school events. My son doesn't see anyone outside of school for me to be on friendly terms with. I don't think it will be enough with 2 of us helping our own child, then potentially 2 others for the rest.

OP posts:

rededucator · 12/10/2019 22:53

Could you invite some of your friends to help? Make it a party and girls afternoon in one?

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/10/2019 22:55

My teenager is working that day. My boyfriend has his own 2 year old that weekend and will take care of my 4 year old so to make sure I can focus on my other child. My parents won't come (both live too far away and would 100% never do this for me anyway). No siblings for myself. The boys don't see their father.

OP posts:

user1474894224 · 12/10/2019 22:55

I would specifically ask 2 adults per lane to stay. Ask them face to face. (1 to help bowl and 1 to do toilet run). If you don't know any parents then write a handwritten note on the invites; "I would be really pleased if you could stay with your child (as I need a little bit of help) - if this is a problem just let me know ."

inwood · 12/10/2019 22:55

Is it a led party, or are you just taking a group bowling? If it's a led party you'll be fine. Parties are drop and run around here from Y1. If you end up with parents and siblings crowding up the lane it'll al get a bit busy.

CrazyCatLady159 · 12/10/2019 22:56

Have you organised it as a bowling party at the bowling place? Most do the party package with staff help.

Only asking this as when I had a bowling party for my dd the cost of the party included a staff member for each team - we had 2 teams and 10 children

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/10/2019 22:56

God I sound dreadful. Most of my friends backed off when I had a "problem child". Or how they viewed it.
Parents of kods with autism can end up quite isolated - that would be where I am at then!

OP posts:

user1474894224 · 12/10/2019 22:56

....oh and arrange a coffee/tea and biscuits for the adults that help.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/10/2019 22:59

It is a bowling party by the centre but theu specifically state that the host is simply there to start and then to bring the food out. They are quite specific over what thr host does - I had a good chat when booking it so as to know what to expect.

I don't want to piss people off on the invites as I know people hate staying to kids parties. But I definitely can't take responsibility for all the other kids. Obviously I don't want my son to not have the party he has been asking for all year either.

OP posts:

EskewedBeef · 12/10/2019 23:10

People don't hate staying at kids' parties, but it is often tricky to manage. Bear in mind that a lot of families can't manage it without bringing siblings along, so be prepared to feel obliged to add a few more children into the party. It's very hard to not let children join in with something really fun.

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/10/2019 23:44

Does the bowling alley have a cafe attached to it, the ones I've been to tend to. If they do, you could offer parents who stay a free hot drink and cake, something like that?

When I did a party for DS at a soft play place, we had the option of a running a tab at the cafe for participating parents. The majority of our parents did stay for a coffee and a muffin and keep an eye on the proceedings. At our school parents did tend to stay at parties even in Y1 and Y2, if there was somewhere to sit and chat while the kids played.

thisisthetime · 13/10/2019 00:02

All the parties I go to all the parents stay. Dd is nearly 7. I’ve tried to leave a few and been asked not to as the host can’t possibly watch my child (dd is not at all difficult, just gets on with it anyway). Are you sure the parents won’t want to hang around anyway? And if not, what is wrong with the parents in my area?!

In answering your question, I would just put on the invites ‘please can you accompany dc if possible’. Hopefully you’ll get at least half staying.

rededucator · 13/10/2019 00:04

In future it might be an idea to confirm adult helper before you send out the invites to avoid yourself this last minute stress

BackforGood · 13/10/2019 00:08

I'm inclined to agree with the earlier replies - if you are inviting people, then it really is your responsibity to ensure you have enough people to run whatever it is you are inviting them to.
That help might well come from parents of some of the guests, but you need to specifically ask them if they will come and help you.

NotGenerationAlpha · 13/10/2019 00:12

Here they all drop and go from year 1. (In fact DD is in year r and already had a party where parents don’t stay). However, if you put it on the invite that you need help, I will stay. I don’t hate staying at children’s party. It’s just with kids that don’t have special needs, thyme prefer to play without all the parents sitting around. I found if the parents stay, some of the kids don’t participate as well, as they stick with the parent. Ask and I’m sure some will help. I just want my children enjoy their parties and for them they are happy to wave bye to me.

Gojojogogogo · 13/10/2019 00:17

I would make my own invites on word or whatever and just put a note at the bottom that any parental help would be much appreciated. Then as they reply, ask if they will be staying. I would have no problem staying and I dont like kids. They love me tjo

CherryPavlova · 13/10/2019 00:25

I think if you’re honest and open most reasonable parents would respond with kindness and compassion.
Dear Fred’s mother , I know it’s not usual to be asked to stay for a seven year olds party, but Jimmy has autism, as you know, and I need to try and juggle his needs and the party logistics. I’m worried about supervising everyone else; is there any chance you could help me out to ensure everyone has a good time?

If they don’t respond positively, you may need to rethink and just do a family bowling party.

dreichsky · 13/10/2019 00:34

Do what @CherryPavlova said, you are only going to need two volunteers.
Good luck OP.

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