Friend's ex-boyfriend

[Stiltons]

I had a message from the ex boyfriend of my best friend. She has recently been toying with getting back with him. I'm concerned about this as they only broke up 2 months ago because of him lying to her and his issues with alcohol. I've always found him to be quite manipulative and has a very high opinion of himself.

Anyway, the message said that he was very worried about her and could I contact her (shes on holiday). So I called her immediately and she seemed fine, had a quick chat and she was in a room with her friends. I didnt mention to her that I had heard from him and I haven't messaged him back.

My reason for not telling her is that she is obviously ignoring him or has blocked him and I didnt want to be his way of getting to her and spoiling her holiday. My reason for not replying to him to say she is ok is that I don't want him to have confirmation that she is ignoring him.

Have I done the right thing here? I feel guilty about not telling her but I dont think it would serve any positive purpose right now.

You have done the right thing

Thank you. I still cannot shake this feeling of guilt that I haven't told her.

Half of me thinks I've taken away a decision which should have been hers to make. The other half thinks that she has already made that decision and I'm not going to let him force her hand into communicating with him because she's worried who he will harass next.

I'm also worried about who else he will have messaged about this and what they will do.

Tell her when she' s back from holiday and ask her what she wants you to do if there's a next time.

Then you're not keeping anything from her.

You did the right thing not to trouble her with his antics on her holiday IMO.

I think you did the right thing but I would give her the heads up once she is home. I’d also ignore any future contact from him.

I wouldn’t be talking to him again, he’s just manipulating her via you.

I'd go with a general warning to her that he's doing this, so she can maybe put something on her family WhatsApp group or similar that they're not to take him seriously?

Yeah, he's trying to use you. Don't fall for it. You did the right thing. Tell her when she is back. Ignore him.

Everyone is saying to tell her when shes back. I had thought I would wait until shes made a decision either way on him to tell her. But then I dont think I could have a conversation with her about him while withholding information. My worry is that she will think it is sweet that he was desperately concerned about her.

He's not concerned about her, it's just manipulation.

I would guess she's blocked him, so he's using you and perhaps others, to get to her another way.

Tell her when she’s back. It’s not sweet, he’s trying to manipulate you to get to her. Block him and have a chat with your friend when she’s back.