Friend is partying too much

[HiiiPaigehere]

First time posting so be gentle please.
I think my mate needs some help. She’s a single mum, currently out of work with no babydaddy involvement. This morning she rang me from someone’s house on the other side of town and asked if I could pick up her ds from her mums as they’d had a row and bring him to her as an emergency. I had my coat on ready and got kids into the car but she was already at home having driven and gotten him herself, even though she was still under the influence.
She’d been up all night doing drugs and was drinking wine when I got there, about 11 in the morning. I asked her if it might be best for me to take her ds for a few hours so she could sleep and he could play. She was sure she wanted him with her. I managed to get her to come to the park with us but she was very jittery and just kept saying she wanted to go home.
In the end I left with my dc’s as it wasn’t fair on them to have to spend their Saturday in a small flat with someone chain smoking and drinking wine. I’ve spent the whole day worried that she’ll put the oven on and fall asleep. I need to talk to her in a way that she doesn’t feel attacked or judged. I’m very aware how it can sound sometimes when it’s coming from someone who isn’t in your shoes. I’m very lucky, I know that, but you can still have a social life and not endanger your child. But that sounds judgemental doesn’t it?

Right

it is judgmental -- RIGHTLY judgmental. She is endangering herself and her child and this isn't "a social life" it's a problem. I would have called social services if my friend did that.

I’m really sorry but if I’d known she’d driven while drunk/on drugs I’d have called the police - she could have killed herself, her child and any number of other people in that one act.

This isn't judgemental, this is a safeguarding issue.

You have a duty of care to report it.

She’d already arrived back having driven when OP got there, OP didn’t have enough notice to call the police

OP I’ve been in your situation (although my friend wasn’t single and did have a nanny so I had slightly less concern in that regard) a few years on ta clear she was severely depressed. She cut lose any friend who tackled her about think drinking. I wish I’d approached it from the depression/ sadnsss POV looking back

You're worried about her finding you judgemental rather than safeguarding a potentially vulnerable child?

Call the nspcc.

She put your life, your kids lives, her kids life and anyone else on the road that days lives in danger, and you're more worried about sounding judgemental?

She continued drinking despite having her child, and didn't allow you to help her, and you're worried about sounding judgemental?

You really need to have a word with yourself. I really think people on here over react with what they suggest calling SS for, but I absolutely would, and I would have called the police too.

She called you to pick up her kid, knew that you and your kids were on the roads, for her benefit, and drink drove around where you would be. She deliberately put your lives in danger. She clearly doesn't give a shit about you and your kids at all.

How did she put OP and OPs kids lives in danger difficult?

Call SS

Buy her a microwave

Passthecherrycoke drink driving.

Oh it read as though you meant directly. Probably best focus on what actually happened rather than what didn’t, I think. It’s bad enough already

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult the friend didn’t drive OP and her children, just herself and her child. Utterly appalling and I would report. And of course I would judge her?!

This is a massive safeguarding issue and you really have to inform social services. Her child is in danger.

Well let’s be fair, it’s not massive at all. A massive safeguarding issue is one that requires immediate action and removal, which there is no way this will. The Op has witnessed her drunk/ high once, and the woman has been drunk/ high in front of her child and drove them drunk. This is unfortunately pretty low level in terms of the stuff SS deal with, let’s face it.

In a way that's better because OP because whatever OP does isn’t going to have a huge life changing impact on this family, so it’s less dramatic than maybe these posts suggest.

there maybe some support for her or some intervention might shake her up a bit and she’ll stop. Hopefully both.

OP - be strong - tell her you are concerned for her child - when she has sobered up. This is not ok. So by ignoring it you enable her. Talk to her about what kind of help she might need.

I never know why people say call NSPCC, just call social care in your area. Ncpcc only pass the details on to social care and they often don't ask the correct questions in enough detail.

You need to stop dicking around feeling 'judgemental' and safeguard that child from harm. That child is in immediate danger, you wouldn't even be completely ridiculous to call the police if she's still drinking, never mind social care.

Me either . Calling nspcc is just some cowardly way of feeling you’re doing something when you’re not. Ditto reporting anonymously.

@Passthecherrycoke I agree. She is a great mother most of the time. At the moment she is lost and hurting. She recently went through a break up, she's in debt. I don't think she'll harm herself but I know how quickly things can become desperate. I need to have a conversation with her. I won't be ringing S.S yet. My partner is popping in tonight to make sure she's ok. I'm checking in with her online.

Calling the nspcc means Op can remain anonymous bearing in mind she's worried about judgement.

Nothing will happen from an anonymous report to the NSPCC. If you want to do something you need to talk to SS yourself

Do you know her mum? Can you speak to her?