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Original poster

Money

18 replies

MissDolly007 · 12/10/2019 16:06

Hi. I wonder if anyone can help. My dh earns good money and for a while I didn't work because he said I didn't need to. I was bored so went back. My husband paid me money for food ect and kept this the same after I went back to work. It was good because I could earn money for my son (my ex doesn't pay maintenance) and get the things I needed. My dh kept saying I don't want you to work too hard. Anyway - fast forward - my work have offered me extra days. I thought great - more money to save for holidays and buy things for the house - I told my husband and he said he will give me less each month because of this. I know I must sound ungrateful but that seems unfair. I wanted to be able to use the money for us. Now I will work twice as hard yet have the same because my dh will give me less. I wouldn't mind but his bonus is more than I earn. Feeling a bit confused about what is fair.

OP posts:
SuperMeerkat · 12/10/2019 16:38

Sounds like a strange set up in general. I take it you don’t have a joint account? Does he end up with significantly more money than you every month? Really whatever you both earn should be considered marital money and what we do is take out ‘pocket money’ which is an equal amount to spend as we please. Everything else is paid from the joint account and we discuss large purchases.

hidinginthenightgarden · 12/10/2019 16:47

Why don’t you just have a joint account?

FreshwaterBay · 12/10/2019 17:43

You are making the effort to go back to work and earn more money for the household to share. You should benefit from this. Instead, your husband's proposal is that only he should benefit. That is certainly not fair by anyone's standards.

Original poster
MissDolly007 · 13/10/2019 16:26

Thanks everyone. I think hes just a bit controlling with money. But I have said there is no point me doing extra if I’m going to have the same as before. It seems quite common for men to be like this. He would rather give me money than me earn it, it seems.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 13/10/2019 16:31

It's not quite common for men to be like that. It's archaic and patriarchal. When I earnt mire dh didn't dock my allowance and we are very old fashioned.

SoyDora · 13/10/2019 16:33

I don’t think it’s common for men to be like that at all.
We have joint finances, so any extra money earned by either of us benefits us both.

Arrowfanatic · 13/10/2019 16:35

My dh and i have separate bank accts. I was a sahm and he would transfer me 50% of his income to my acct. He would pay mortgage and any car related pymts alongside his personal things (except car tax & insurance) and i would pay food & all the bills plus anything for kids, xmas etc.

I go back to work this week & he's not reducing what he gives me as even though we have seperate accts we see all money as family money

Littlechocola · 13/10/2019 16:38

Do you contribute to any bills?

Thehagonthehill · 13/10/2019 16:39

I'm a bit confused.How are bills paid,do you buy all the food for the family or was the allowance on top for you to spend?

WrongKindOfFace · 13/10/2019 16:41

I think we need more info.

dottiedodah · 13/10/2019 17:02

This seems a tad unfair I think .You are trying to increase your earning capacity and he is reducing his payments to you for household expenses ! Maybe say to him that you wont be taking the extra days now?

SoyDora · 13/10/2019 17:21

I also think we need more info. If the OP’s DH has always paid all the bills/mortgage etc while the OP keeps her money for ‘fun’ things, I could see why this may grate.
If the OP said that she paid all the bills while her DH earned money that he kept for treats, and wanted to keep any extra money he earned for himself too, what would the responses be?
I’m currently a SAHM. When I go back to work I won’t be keeping all the money for myself. It will be shared.
I don’t know. He does sound controlling, but I can also see his side.

TheQueef · 13/10/2019 17:24

He sounds a lot controlling with money to me.
Why doesn't he want you ft?
You being a slattern and not cleaning the skirting boards daily?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/10/2019 17:37

It sound like he pays all the bills plus share s his salary with you and if you work extra he will get to keep more of his own salary. If that’s the case it’s very fair he wants to give you less given you pay for nothing household wise and expect to keep your own salary plus some of his.

You do realise most people use their salary for bills not just frivolous stuff like holidays etc.

SilverySurfer · 13/10/2019 19:14

What percentage of household bills do you both pay? If he earns more I'm assuming his contribution is higher so 60/40 or 70/30? If you are currently paying zero it doesn't seem unreasonable for him to reduce the amount he gives you.

RamblinRosie · 14/10/2019 03:09

Working more will increase your pension....

Lowlandlucky · 14/10/2019 08:42

I dont see why you think it is unfair, the more you earn the bigger the share of the household bills you pay !

Morgan12 · 14/10/2019 08:54

He is a selfish bastard.

What's his is yours. What's your is his.

Married couples who don't share money must have so many issues and resentment.

You have committed a life to this person. Money doesn't matter surely?

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