Just bumped in to someone who bullied me - how do I not let this affect me?

[AntoniaB21]

I've just bumped into a woman on the bus, she bullied me for a year, about 1.5 years ago now. She was desperately trying to avoid my gaze or making eye contact, but then a few of her friends came on and she was obviously talking about me. They kept on looking around and whispering, obviously about me. I just can't shake the feeling of panic now. I feel so uncomfortable and it has brought back how unhappy I was in that time period. It is likely that I will keep on bumping into her, as I heard from a mutual friend that she moved house and now lives very close.

I don't want to experience this horrible feeling every time I might bump into her. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom? I just really cannot shake that uncomfortable feeling, I feel awful now and very panicky now.

I know this all to well.

Cant offer any advise, i just try to avoid areas i know they go. Although have seen them from time to time. Let them gossip they have nothing better to do, just have faith in yourself that this wont last for ever and most likely they move on to something else

I know I should just rise above and not let it affect me, but I’m not that kind of person unfortunately. I feel awful about this one encounter, and I know I will bump into her even more as she is now living near me. It was alright when she was on her own, but when her 3 friends came on, they looked straight at me and were not subtle about the fact they were talking about me. It’s just left me feeling very uncomfortable.

Fuck her , just goes to show her insecurities that she has to be surrounded by friends
I am so sorry she made you feel this way but you are stronger than her , remember that

You've summed it up in your post. When she was alone she was desperately avoiding your gaze. Or to put it bluntly, she was shitting herself! I think you should feel satisfied. She's made it very clear she can only be mean when she has "back up" and alone she is a pathetic coward. As are most bullies. I remember seeing my childhood bully in a shop once and the look on her face was pure panic and she left abruptly. That's the moment she stopped having any power over me. Hold your head high and remember you are better than her and her pathetic cronies! Bullying is horrendous at any age, but anyone who can't leave that kind of behaviour in childhood is not succeeding as an adult.

I thought you were going to say as children ! So she bullied you as an adult?? That just takes her to a whole new level of shittiness
Dont worry OP I know it’s easier said than done but she (and her friends!) are clearly a bunch of idiots

She needs a reaction from you to continue with any crappy behaviour towards you. She has exposed a really negative side of herself, and she has to live with that day to day, whereas you can just choose to let it go. Be the kind of person who sticks up for and looks after yourself. Don't take any more of her shit.

She's clearly scared of you when she's on her own. I think you need to be ruthless, and bully her right back. I know that's much easier said than done.

Ignore her, pretend you don't know her, look right through her. She doesn't deserve any space in your head

Thank you all for your advice. I know I shouldn't care about her now, and that she is obviously a person that doesn't require my time or thoughts anymore. But it was SO difficult to ignore her, she was turning right around and looking at me once her friends were there. It just brought back all those feelings, and I was left feeling very shaky and panicky. I've calmed down a lot now fortunately, just trying to be a bit more prepared and feel more 'collected' when/if I am unfortunate enough to see her again.

Visualise kicking her in the fanny multiple times. That should help you.

Not so tough when she's on her own at?
She only has the balls when she's around friends the pathetic bitch.
Try not to let them affect you OP.
What age are you/they out of curiosity

Oh hi... weren't you in my year? Or did they hold you back? I didn't realise you were so much older...

Sorry @thesnapandfartisinfallible I don’t understand your post!
Pixie, we are still both very young. I am 21, she has just turned 20, so she is just immature. But I’m still young enough as well to be really affected by this. We both go to the same uni so it’s very likely we will keep bumping into each other (I don’t mean to drip feed - I just don’t want any identifying info posted)

That's what you should say to her. With a twinkly laugh of course! Imply that she's aged badly.

Next time you see her say loudly that if you ever catch her talking about you again you’ll drag her outside by her hair and throw her in the gutter with the other rats.

I live around the corner from a woman who bullied me for years.

It started a few years back. I was in a book group she ran and she threw me out after I innocently queried an idea she had. She was perfectly foul to me.

Eventually, she went too far and I finally told her to bugger off and leave me alone.

It's amazing - she's a grown woman who, I gather, was a horrendous bully at school too.

She gives me nasty looks in the street, but what else can she do? I reasoned that she can't hurt me anymore.

In an ideal world, these people would not exist to torment us.

I can only suggest you ignore her and her poisonous friends, there isn't much else you can do, I'm afraid.

I dwelled on my situation for ages and it still bothers me sometimes ...

I suffered from workplace bullying and used to live in fear of seeing one of them. I practised in my head what I would do. Ignore them, and if they engaged I would be perfectly polite and smiley. To me this was important as I didn't want them to know the awful effect they'd had on my happiness and mental health - whereas others may seek to confront, I just didn't have that in me.

A friend told me about a pulse point that I would squeeze and focus on when stressed and this really helped me. I also had a little mantra of they cannot hurt you everything is ok you are safe.

Typing this sounds crazy now, but at the time the fear of seeing them was just too great. I prepped lots of other scenarios nothing to do with my bully and it helped to think I was ready for things I was scared of.

You did well to ignore her. As others have pointed out she was too scared to do anything in her own.

Bullies are vile creatures. I wish you well op

Bless you. My Dd is 17 and had to leave school due to bullies.
She now sees a few of them occasionally on the bus or in town and feels like you. However this week she noticed that one of them will only give her looks or make remarks if she is with others but if alone will stare at her phone.
She also knows that most or all of these bullies are now doing nothing with their lives at all. No jobs no college and just smoke weed and hang around.
Dd Is in her final year of a performing arts BTEC and is intending to travel as an entertainer.
Next time. Head up,bit of eye contact if you can bear it and a small k owing smile on your face. Remember that she is the twat who felt so shit about herself that she had to bully you.

Maybe CBT might help you. I had a course of CBT for anxiety related to severe bullying as a child. One of the visualisations I found most helpful was 'the river'. I had to practice a lot to make it work for me but now I can put the bully on a leaf, let her float off down the river and she's out of my thoughts.
It's a common technique so I am sure if you google 'river visualisation' you will find it.

I met one of my childhood bullies a few years ago.
There was a group of three who were mean to me for a long time. Then they decided that all they needed to do was keep me socially isolated from anyone and everyone. This was a pretty miserable time in my life.
One of them turned up at a toddler group I went to. I remember the organiser saying "Oh Cigars, you remember X don't you?"
It took me a couple of seconds to recognise her and then I felt very cold.
Oddly enough she never came back as apparently nobody spoke to her. I was the only one to see the irony. By the way, I didn't tell anyone there about the past, so it wasn't my fault she felt left out.