I've been spending time with this woman (32) every so often for the past couple of years. I'll call her Sadie. She's my DH's best friend's girlfriend and we've had meals out together as couples, attended wedding / parties and had a couple of weekends away with others at music festivals. I also invited her out to a couple of events myself, once just the two of us and once with a group of my friends. I thought Sadie and I were becoming friends and thought it was nice since our DP/DH are close. Anyway, I can't believe it but after a slow burning "funny feeling" I have only just fully realised that this woman is deeply unpleasant and unkind, and not the sort of person I want around me. I had slight feelings creeping up on me that she might be not very kind over the past few months but I stupidly ignored my gut and thought 'no she must be nice as her bf (my DH's friend) is absolutely lovely.'. Anyway, it suddenly hit me like a steam train recently, having heard her at a gathering saying some really cruel things about another mutual friend who is very vulnerable. This was the latest in a series of similar situations and strange behaviour I have started to notice where she has said bitchy things, and even mocked / scorned someone with MH issues. She completely blanked one of my friends who was sat next to her at my recent birthday meal and didn't ask her anything about her, or try to have any polite conversation at all, but was extremely friendly with my other friend sat the other side, for some reason (it was the first time she'd met either of them so was very bizarre). I saw what was going on from the other side of the table and felt very sorry for my poor friend who was blanked by her. This was what prompted me to start thinking I had mis-read Sadie and maybe she wasn't actually a nice person at all.
I have also noticed a few other smaller things which when placed in context with the above start to paint a picture of her I think. E.g. she has her DP wrapped around her little finger and he always puts himself down around her and he says things like "wow I'm really punching above my weight with Sadie, I mean just look at her", while she is sat there on his lap. She just sort of giggles but doesn't say anything to him to contradict or tell him he's great or anything. I have also noticed that when she's in groups she often whispers to her bf or to other people which I find really rude. And she never ever says anything vulnerable about herself or admits that she made a silly mistake, or even takes the piss out of herself in a jokey way, (which I do all the time). There are other examples of behaviour I have started noticing along these lines.
ANYWAY the main reason for this rant is because I can't believe that I was so stupid and missed this! I keep thinking I must be completely blind or stupid not to have spotted this. Yesterday I saw a few of my friends who have all met Sadie once before at my birthday. I mentioned to them my realisations about Sadie and the general consensus was that they all thought she was sly and didn't trust her, but none of them had said anything to me before as they thought she was a friend of mine. One of my friends said she had noticed that Sadie was v closed and aloof and another said she came across as rude and stuck up! They never told me this out of politeness to me! Obviously hearing my friends views reinforced to me that my gut feeling must be right about Sadie, but why on earth were my friends able to suss this person out so quickly and yet it's taken me two years! I normally feel like I have high empathy skills and a good judge of character, so this has knocked me for six! I am so shaken and pissed off mainly with myself for never having seen this and for having made an effort with Sadie, invited her along to things etc. I feel like I've been a bit of a mug.