I'm so sad

[IHeartKingThistle]

I'm fine, for the record. I don't really know why I'm posting.

DH has been ill since June with a virus that has affected his heart. My lovely SIL has just started chemo for breast cancer. My friend has advanced breast cancer and is a single mum. I'm trying to support all of them.

I am fine. I have a lovely life, fantastic kids, a job I love and hobbies that make me happy. So I feel guilty about that. And I can't make any of these poorly people I love better so I just cook a lot and give them food, and look after the kids and stuff. I am naturally a really resilient person, and I'm breezy and positive kind of all the time, but I'm so sad for all of them and it's all a bit overwhelming.

It just sucks. I think I just want to fix it all, and I can't.
Maybe I need to be more accepting that life just is shit sometimes. Is that it?

If you think I'm being a twat please don't tell me; not sure I can take it today. I'll pull myself together in a bit.

You’ve got a lot on your shoulders staying strong and supporting everyone else so sometimes you’re allowed to feel a bit shit! It’s a lot of responsibility and it’s bound to be overwhelming! Don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling a bit down today.

You are being a loving kind person and doing all you can in a sad situation. Life can be so very unfair and cruel and being powerless to change things is really frustrating and heart breaking.

The most resilient people can still be overwhelmed but you are being proactive and doing what you can. I think we just have to be grateful and aware of what we have when times are good and hope someone like you is around for when times are not so good. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Thank you, both, so much. Isn't it silly to feel like I need permission to be sad for a bit?

I think we are programmed into jst getting on with things and we almost feel guilty when we’re not ok and that then makes it hard to admit. My automatic response to if someone asks if I’m ok, is “yes, good thanks” I say it without thought when sometimes I’m actually not.

You sound amazing, OP - I wish I was half as resilient as you! Yes, it's fine to feel a bit sad (for you as well as them if you'd like ). Sorry if that sounds in any way flippant - what I mean is that a lot of people in your situation would also be sad about how it affected them too and that's okay as well.

You're right, it's got to be OK. Thank you.

I'm also feeling really stressed to stay well myself because if I get a cold or anything I'll have to stay away. But if I'm stressed I'm more likely to get ill! So I have to keep doing the things that make me happy, so I can be strong enough to help them. Put your own oxygen mask on first and all that.

Still, feels like whinging.