Someone to listen

[Roseolivia]

Hi,
Its the first time I have ever done something like this and I feel quite nervous, I feel like I have nobody who listens to me so just want someone to hear me.

I have recently become a Mum for the second time. I have the two most beautiful girls who are my absolute world but my god I am finding it harder than I could of ever imagined. My partner works long hours and I feel like im always alone, like a single parent. I know its not his fault but I take it out on him. Hes exhausted when he comes home but I just want him to take the baby out of my arms when he comes in or just ask me if I am ok.

My eldest is feeling it too at the minute she loves her sister very much and is so helpful in the ways she can be but I dont have as much time for her to do the fun things. I feel like I am always on her case, always twlling her off and usually for the smallest thing when all she is doing is being a child. I feel like I am failing as a mum to her.

I feel guilty everyday that im off work and havent managed to clean the house or cook dinner. I feel utterly useless.

My main thing which nobody seems to understand is my anxiety of leaving my baby. My mother in law wants to have her for the day but I am petrified of letting my baby go its not that I dont teust her because I do. Im just scared that I cant protect my baby if shes not with me. I feel like I have to do everything for her because otherwise something could happen and I feel like this at the thought of leaving her with anyone. It scares me. I am not sure if its because I had a miscarriage last year or if I am just over sensitive. I just cant handle being away for even 5 mins.

The long and short of it is, I feel useles as a mum and as a partner. I dont feel good enough for anyone and I feel like I am on my own even though I have friends and family, they just haven't seemed to notice I need them for once instead of me being there for them.

Thank you for listening x x

You sound depressed. Your partner can help by paying a cleaner. And you need to see a doc about your post natal depression.

So glad that you typed. You are exhausted and emotional and not at all useless, far from it. Even though I think this is well-worn and am not a fan of this advice, read your post as if it was not yours but from a really good friend. How would you react if this were someone else's thoughts?
Your daughters have a father as well as you, it is not all just down to you to be the hand that rocks the cradle (and cleans, feeds, whatever else they need). I suspect he has not grasped the huge difference between you doing your thing with 1 (which you would have got running very well now) and 2 (which is not the same). Even if he thinks he is helping by stepping up the 'provider' aspect, he needs to know how to help you and not force roles because of his working habits. This also does not mean calling in the replacement cavalry like his DM (which I can really see my DH wanting to fall back on as a first preference if this was my situation). You may also need to talk about what plan you have in case anyone is poorly at some point in the winter (eg eldest or yourself) because he will need it to enter his mind and not catch him too unawares.
Could you perhaps suggest to your MIL that she takes your eldest for some fun before anything with the younger one, something of her choice, so you can relax a little with the baby (and also possibly your DH) but don't have to do the 'guest entertaining' thing? That you would like to have chance to get used to it all before giving the baby to her before you feel you are ready? I understand the anxiety around this, and think that you should be able to breathe deeply and control it soon, although if this steps up instead please do not delay and get some GP help. Tomorrow is another day and you are honestly doing well and helping to develop better things - this goes in spirals and tangents and isn't straightforward, but you will make it.