At what age should I stop making my book-hating preteen read?

[HoldingOnForAHoliday]

She's never enjoyed reading since moving on from picture books with funny rhymes and characters. She is very bright and in the top group for English but just will not pick up a book outside of school. She says books are boring. Every now and the she will find something she likes such as factual books or things similar to Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Even then, it's an issue getting her to pick this up. She wont read anything at her reading/age level or that are recommended by her English teacher voluntarily as she says they are boring. I think it's an issue with her attention span!

For the past year before she moved up to secondary, I've been having her come and read to me aloud for 30 minutes an evening before bed - any book of her choice either paperback or on the Kindle. She could even read a magazine or newspaper to me if she wanted. She hates this and causes such a drama every evening about how unfair I am making her do something she hates.
Before this, I tried getting her to read in her room alone before bed but she just wouldn't do it. I'd go in and she'd just be sat there with the book unopened and she'd be day dreaming or playing with a toy.

Even when I have her come and read quietly next to me on the couch while I'm reading, she'll be daydreaming and looking around and I have to harp on every few minutes to read as she's been staring at the same page for ages.

Should I persevere? I want her to be reading every day as literature says it improves outcomes later in life but I know as soon as I stop making her do it, she'll stop anyway.

Thanks for any advice. Feeling guilty as my family are teachers and they're always telling me she needs to be reading every day to do well in secondary and college etc.

My DD has always enjoyed books but didn't like reading, especially when books started having more text and fewer pictures. We substituted with audio books which give the language and sentence construction but without the reading. In the last year or 2 DD (now 15) seems to have become much more keen (but still likes the audio books too).

I think reading aloud for 30 minutes would put many people off, I'm afraid. You might win the battle but lose the long term war.

Another recommendation for audio.

Once you can read, as in decode and comprehend, much of the benefit in ‘reading’ is vocabulary, exposure to different ideas, etc. All of which you can get from audio books. Find books you can enjoy together.

One of my DC is never without a book - she needs ‘input’ and lives to get immersed in an author’s fictional world. One of my DC creates her own stories and plays from her imagination- a daydreamer like your DD sounds. She hates reading! I think she could be a storyteller one day instead...

Both enjoy audio, and we often listen in the car, whilst drawing ir doing something else crafty, whilst prepping dinner etc.

The worst thing you can do is kill their curiosity for stories, so I’d knock the practice of her reading on the head and instead look for better ways to enjoy books together.

Give her a break. You won't make her love books by forcing them down her throat.

Could you read to her maybe? My little brother hated to read but mum would read to him and they’d discuss the books. Eventually he got in to a series and started reading it himself. He doesn’t read much now but loves audible books. ( he’s 40’s now so audio books weren’t such a thing in the 80’s)

I wouldn't do any more reading aloud - it will only put her off.
My DS (13) gets most of his reading in school and prefers non-fiction magazines etc outside school.

If he finds something he's interested in (to do with history or football) he might read it at home.
As long as they are reading in school I wouldn't worry too much.

I love reading, always have but reading aloud to someone for 30 minutes is my idea of hell(or being read to.) Even I'd begin to hate books if I was forced to do that.

It's perfectly possible to be happy and successful without loving books. So long as she's doing well in English and reads the mandatory books for school I'd leave her to it. Just make books accessible so that if she wants to read she has plenty to choose from(at least from the library.) It may be worth offering(not forcing) the option audiobooks. She may not like those either(I hate them) but it's worth a try. If they aren't for her then you may have to accept that. Forcing her to read isn't working and is going to have the opposite effect from the one you desire.

Ds11 stopped reading books outside of school in year 4. He had the reading level of a 13 year old when he was 8. He still reads fact books about his beloved interests (he has asd ) but won’t read a fiction etc. He can read some words better than DP so I’m not worried.

We are book loving and dd is indifferent. She's y8. Her interest in reading is patchy at best. But she loves me reading to her.
Lights out, my kindle on low light, reading the Martian to her. Which I love. It has lots of pleasing swearing in it which she enjoys hearing me try to pretend is fine in context.
Only do it if she's having a poorly night, though.

We've had similar issues through primary (Y7 DD), I gave up forcing the issue a couple of years ago as she was getting so anxious about it - we had half hour of drama every night about how many words on a page, how many pages had to be read, how many pages in the book making it impossible to ever finish, etc. We did use audiobooks during this period which were successful.

Because she was exceeding levels, I left her to it, and it has slowly improved. She doesn't read often, but know she is older and can access slightly older texts that interest her she is slightly more enthusiastic. She'll never be an avid reader though!!

Just expose her to as much reading material as possible (access to kindle, books, magazines etc.) and if she is achieving what she needs to at school then I think this is the time to stop pushing reading. Could you use that time doing something enjoyable together instead? I know it's not going to help her academics, but doing a bit of a pamper session (mani, pedi, face pack etc.), having a dance around or sing a long to music you like, playing a board game together. Half an hour a day seems like a lot at that age and should be being replaced with homework, music practice, dance practice, sports, whatever her interests are.

If my kids don't like reading I'll be sad because I love it and I hope they would to, but that's something they either come to on their own or they don't. But finding creative ways to broaden their skills and learning? That's how you keep them tuned in to learning not switched off.

30 minutes is a long time for anyone to read aloud. It must be an eternity to her if she dislikes reading. You’ll put her off for life if you insist on this.

Could you try comics/comic books and graphic novels? Anything that seems a bit lighter and makes reading more pleasurable for her.

Thanks so much everyone for your advice. I'm reassured knowing there are other children like mine on here. Some posts I've read elsewhere, and from what family have said, imply children MUST read daily or will end up screen addicts and do badly in school.

I'll give the audio books a try. She likes me telling her about some of the books I read e.g Stephen King and seems genuinely interested in the plot but "can't be bothered" reading anything like that for herself. She absolutely loved something recently called The Bunker Diary and finished it in a day. Didn't put it down! First time I've seen her do that. Think I need to find more books like that. Her teacher wants her to read across a wide range of genres but she either likes funny (Diary of a Wimpy Kid), scary or non-fiction.

I'm going to ease up a bit and hope she finds her way back to books eventually even as an occasional reader.

I think she's not going to enjoy reading if you continue to push her to.

I was a bookworm as a child, read early and everything, weekly trips to the library for another 5 books etc.

I don't read any more. I don't enjoy it.

Part of what killed it for me was being forced to read a bunch of crap for O Levels (for I am that old) but mostly I just sort of grew out of it, as an adult. Given the choice, I'd rather love reading now, than then.

Maybe reading isn't her thing. There are many, many far more important things to "improve outcomes in later life" than reading books. If she's in the top set in English, she's doing very well without loving reading. Ignore your family's opinions - if they're that smart they'll have the answer to 'how do I make her want to read?' which I'm assuming they don't.

I would lay off this one, honestly.

Sorry - x posts.

My point about me loving reading as a child was that things change - maybe she'll get into reading later.

Does she like graphic novels? That might be a halfway point you could compromise on.

In easing off I think you're doing the right thing.

For goodness sake don't force her. Not everyone reads for pleasure, in the same way that not everyone enjoys playing hockey. I'm assuming she can read, so just back off and leave her to get on with her life as she wishes.

Reading is just a chore to her, I'm a huge reader, always have been but if you gave me a sketch pad and a pencil I'd be chewing my own fingers in 5 mins. I can think of few things I'd like to do less. I stopped nagging and yes it was nagging my eldest to read more as soon as she hit post primary school at 11. She would run round a pitch for hours but she doesn't get enjoyment from reading. My second daughter is the complete opposite and tbh I'd rather she exercised more and read less.

Reading is a hobby, same as any other hobby. It just seems to be an easy one to almost virtue signal about. The only thing I tell my kids is that with a love of reading you're never really alone, it's easy to pass time, you can concentrate on things that interest you but if it's not enjoyable then just stop.

My dd was similar. He reading ability was quite poor and she struggled to retain information about the stories, then she would complain that they were boring when really she just didn’t know what the plot was. Graphic novels were better than ordinary books. Part of the problem was she had to read younger books because of her lower ability but socially she was older iyswim. When she got to about 13 it clicked better because she was more capable and could follow stories she was interested in. Now she alternates between an actual book and an audiobook and while she is still a bit slow reading actual books she does get genuine pleasure out of them. She also really likes poetry. The audiobooks mean we can listen together and satisfies my need to rattle through stuff that I think she should read (based on nothing). She recently listened to Wise Children over a weekend as the audiobook is only 4hours something. It would have taken weeks to read the book. I don’t mean it to sound like it’s a race but being able to get from the beginning to the end in a shortish amount of time has really helped her enjoy the stories whereas when it takes ages she forgets stuff and loses interest and this enjoyment has carried over to actual reading. Some stuff, like The Secret History, she never would have managed the actual book but she loved the audiobook. In conclusion, audiobooks are your friend.

That sounds like a good plan OP.

Stop right now!

Enforcing the national literacy erased any interest either of my DC ever had in reading. It became a chore, rather than something you do for enjoyment.

The same thing happened with eating fruit - neither of them will now eat fruit voluntarily because I insisted they eat it when they were younger!

She's clearly literate, so just let it go. Let her find her own way back into reading. But also you need to accept that not everyone enjoys reading.

Thanks again everyone. Very reassuring! I agree with what someone above said early in the thread - despite DD not being a reader, shes hot a good imagination and loves telling me stories. She doesn't do any creative writing though outside of school and I put that hand in hand with not being a reader. All I can do is continue ensuring she has access to a wide range of literature in different forms but not force her to read t if she doesn't want to. Graphic novels is something I hadn't even considered thanks!

Don't force her, reading aloud would have been my kind of hell and I love reading

Perhaps set aside a time for her to read supervised but not necessarily aloud,
We basically say no screens after 6.30pm (tea time) so DS1 tends to read in the evening
You need to find something she will enjoy, yes I know if it's easier said than done. Expand the range of books, newspapers etc
Library membership, maybe look on goodreads for suggestions similar to books she has liked.
Factual rather than fiction is fine - my 11yo is currently reading "There's no Planet B" inspired by Greta Thunberg
Find something she is interested in and link to that

I wouldn't stop reading completely but I would try to reduce some of the pressure.

Graphic novels all the way! It's much less effort than a novel (and I'm a total book nerd), the visual aethetic may well appeal more to her. Graphic novels can cover a wide range of interest these days, some of them are very serious (Maus), others a lot more silly. There's a really cool series Paper Girls she might like. There's a whole ton of feminist leaning graphic novels out there, massive diversity! I hope it works for her.

The way I would do it is to let her read, if she wants to, for half an hour or so after going to bed each night. So she can choose not to read (or to read for a shorter time) and just go to sleep if she likes - that's fine. But she can't have screens or any other kind of activity instead. This works well with my pre teen / teen DC.

I read the Magic Faraway Tree when I was about 11 I think. And hated reading as a teen as it was boring! But having to read Lord if the Flies for O level changed that. Maybe something simpler with a good story line and less description might catch her interest.

Audio books are great in the car and at bedtime. And usually appreciated if other tech isn't available.

I think that if you set boundaries re tech now (you may have already) and remove any tech at bedtime, she'll get into the habit herself.