Please help me

[3amhelpplease]

I'm currently a SAHM to a beautiful 1 year old DD (door currently open at previous career for flexible work for future) and I am so so lucky and happy in general. My family are amazing.

We are waiting for info on a possible inherited condition my DD could have and the treatment for a condition she already has is contraindicated for the one she may have inherited. I am so scared and I can't sleep. I know I'm catastrophising but equally they are both serious conditions so I'm not being completely ridiculous. I feel like I can't protect her from them both because one is against the other. I worry about other family members too of course but DD the most.

She has been unwell for a week or so and has hardly slept (she's never been a great sleeper anyway). I've finally got her to sleep at about 2.30 but I can't sleep at all and can't stop crying. I feel like being stressed won't help her either and that I'm failing her. I'm scared DH will divorce me for being so ridiculous, and she will grow up in a broken home.

I've loved being a mum and am so grateful but tonight is the first time I feel I can't cope. We have no family nearby and DH sleeps in spare room because he needs sleep to work. I don't really get a break ever but to be honest I've never felt like I need one before - I used to work such long hours and looking after DD is wonderful.

Help. She'll probably be up again soon and then start tomorrow early too

It is a condition family have sadly passed away from and I'm so scared. I know what to avoid but I can't because of her treatment for her other condition. I feel so desperate

How stressful! Of course you are worried. You sound like a brilliant, caring Mum. Waiting for information is the worst. I hope you find out soon, one way or the other.

Thank you

She's got a virus at the moment so nothing to do with anything else (she'll likely be affected later in life if she is at all, so my worry now is disproportionate) but not being to sleep isn't helping!

Your strength and resolve will falter when you're sleep deprived and after a year of running on very little rest, you're probably exhausted. You sound like you are very much reaching this point.

I'm really sorry about your DD's health issues. Do her doctors know about these possible contraindications? Have they discussed possible plans?

Do you discuss your feelings with your DH? Are you able to source help and support from anyone nearby?

No wonder you feel stressed!

Right now, try to get comfy, can you put in a podcast or something? Close your eyes and breathe in for three & out for five.

You might find it’s a while before things settle down, so I would suggest a trip to the GP for some help, even getting your thoughts in order. Being able to lay things aside so you can sleep is a useful skill.

Talk to your husband. Talk, don’t start a who’s more tired competition, they never go well.
Yes he needs to work & sleep, but the odd broken night won’t kill him, & there’s nothing to stop him getting up at say 4:30 or 5 on a Friday and Saturday morning so you can get a decent couple of hours. He Can take her out to 24 hour tesco & get the shop done at the same time if he doesn’t know what to do. He has to start helping you get a rest.

Try drinking warm milk. I called the helpline in the night once with my DD, and that's what they told me to do. A bit patronising! But it works. It settles babies and mothers.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts. I feel a bit silly now after a couple of hours sleep (DD still up at 6 for the day). I don't have a long commute to work and long day though like I used to so I do feel like I can't complain. I wonder if I feel a bit sheepish being a SAHM even though we really talked it over and decided it was the best decision for our family in the short term (and I did consider personal financial security, difficulty stepping back into career etc - those things do worry me too but I feel we've covered it as best we can and made an informed choice)

I can talk about it to friends but I think they don't really understand and just say it will all be ok which is helpful sort of but minimises it a bit. I've realised that medicine has more limitations than I'd ever realised; we are so lucky to have it and research is happening all the time but a lot is out of reach at the moment.

I will speak to DH but he has just started big new job and I really want to allow him as much rest and downtime as possible for the good of everyone even though it's true I probably need some too. This time will go so fast though and DD will probably sleep better eventually!

As a general rule, yes they do sleep better eventually, but I can’t tell you enough, particularly with a child with additional needs get a break when and where you can.
Guarantee you’ll be a better parent for it :)

Also you don’t want to deprive your husband of that time with his daughter too, it’s good for them to spend time together. You can help to begin with with snacks & changing bags etc, but he should be able to do these things too.