How to stop little things bothering me

[agododopushpineapple]

Seeking advice or tips really. Lately I’ve found myself getting bothered by silly little thing - mainly when it comes to work (I work for myself). The tone of someone’s email can me annoyed for hours, or I’m almost inventing scenarios in my head that make me irritated (that haven’t even happened). Oddly I cope with “proper” problems fairy well, but am really struggling to calm down over silly things.

Any tips or advice for just letting things go?

Sounds like you need a bit of a break . Perhaps thinking of things to be grateful for? Sometimes that can help annoying little things melt away.

agododopushpineapple also taking exercise- even just a walk.

I do take regular walks, more to just get me out in the daylight. It’s like little things just get into my head and make me stressed. I’m sure I never used to be this bad..

Are you going through a period of stress more generally? That makes me ruminate more. When you realise you are getting upset about something trivial, stop yourself immediately and distract with a good thought.
Going for walks already is good. X

Meditation or/and Yoga.
It has taken me a while but I have learned how to tak emy mind off things.

I’m sitting here googling CBT and wondering if it will help me to cope better.

It’s like something just sets me off - sort of what I imagine anxiety is like - but this is more I suppose stress. An example - had an enquiry from a potential client - they were quite rude - but, so what, I won’t be working with them, it’s two minutes reading t out of my day, but I feel like “it’s ruined my day”.

I’m genuinely not usually a drama queen but this is how much little things seem to be getting to me at moment,

I’ve tried putting on cheery music, going for a walk and browsing YouTube for fluff and none have “cheered me up”.

Urgh

I find standing up for yourself helps as I think i’m A bit like you. This one woman always sends really sarky emails and talks to me like i’m 12. I had to make an amendment to a booking today and i’d Only found out about it today, unsurprisingly she wasn’t impressed and was quite condescending. I said ‘can you stop talking down to me please, this isn’t my fault as I literally just found out about it’ The upshot is that I felt more in control and she apologised by email.

That does sound like the type of thing that CBT is aimed at helping so yes, give it a try.

My thoughts are that staying in touch with big picture stuff that really matters helps me not sweat the small stuff. Asking "in 5 years time will I even remember this email?" helps me.

Yeah I think you need a few weeks off to decompress. I get easily wound up when I'm stressed and feel like there's no end in sight

Download the Headspace app - it’s good to just take a few minutes out of your day and relax/get over things.

I get like this sometimes, but try to focus on 'will this matter this time next year?' To try and get some perspective. Doesn't always work but sometimes it helps me to see the bigger picture and move on.

I actually have the headspace app - but am a bit rubbish at anything like meditations... always have been, I fidget and can’t relax... did try a guided meditation on YouTube today after writing this post.

Was going well until the dog decided to jump on me

As mentioned up thread CBT could help you with this, it helped me when I wanted to scream at every person who dawdled in front of me in the street.

If you can get referred that is best, but there are books too they should be available from the library.

I work for myself and I think part of the problem is that you don't have someone to bitch to about the small stuff.

I go through the same, and I think I'm pretty healthy mentally.

I rant to my husband, or I come on here and read stuff to distract me, and it all helps.

I'm also a member of a group of women who work for themselves, so I bounce stuff off them periodically.

I heard this analogy on a podcast is the though a weed (I.e. a negative pointless thought) or a seed (positive thought so let it grow). So pull out any weeds, metaphorically speaking. Sounds a bit mad but I’ve found it really helps stop the cycle of negative thought. I think it was jay shetty.

@HoldMyLobster I think that’s part of it. Poor Dh does have to listen to me rant sometimes, but it’s not quite the same as when you’re with colleagues who understand exactly what you’re going on about.

Finding a group like that would be a godsend I think. Is it literally a “support” type thing or more networking? I’ve been to a few womens networking events, not tbh I find them awful - usually a few MLM reps trying to flog stuff, as opposed to anyone in the same boat

i am thinking CBT may well help here - I know I have to let things go, but it’s the literal doing of it that I’m finding hard and I gather CBT gives actual actionable things to do

Finding a group like that would be a godsend I think. Is it literally a “support” type thing or more networking? I’ve been to a few womens networking events, not tbh I find them awful - usually a few MLM reps trying to flog stuff, as opposed to anyone in the same boat

It's very much a support group. I was very suspicious of the group initially because the last thing I wanted was to get involved in either a) a group full of MLM reps flogging stuff or b) a group that was just looking for people like me to do their websites on the cheap, but a friend tried it out and recommended it.

This one doesn't quite suit me as it's supposedly for 'soul guided women' so there are a quite a few woo types there, but there are also lots of people who are just trying to run their business. It is great for offloading my stresses and getting good feedback on how to deal with them.

And I just applied one of the useful things I learnt from my group. I have a client who sends me random vague questions and expects me to do all her work for her. She vaguely asked me the difference between two social media metrics, expecting me to explain them in detail to her because she can't be arsed to look it up herself. I've explained it to her repeatedly in the past. I replied 'Yes, lots of webpages out there explaining it if you use Google.' And breathe.

@ HoldMyLobster ahhh we work in very similar fields (and by the sound of it we share the same client )

In fact one of the “issues” that have got to me this week was so similar to your example it’s spooky. Not long ago would brush it off, but at the moment silly things like that are really getting to me.

This client drives me crazy :-) She's now sent me another totally impossible to decipher question. I felt my hackles rising as I read it. She sends all her emails from her iPhone, and I'm pretty sure she just dictates them while she's out walking her dog or having coffee with friends, because they make no sense, and she could find the information herself in seconds if she just opened a laptop and used that weird 'Google' thing or even looked at the spreadsheets I carefully create every month at her request.

And breathe...

The other thing I can add is that some clients have driven me so crazy I end up dropping them. If I find myself dreading their emails and feeling a horrible sense of doom each time I have to start work on their projects then I take that as a sign that perhaps it's time to end our relationship.

I won't drop my really frustrating client I already mentioned because most of what I do with her and the rest of her team is really fine, and I just swallow the annoyance I feel when I have to deal with the one specific person.

This is a great book if you find yourself constantly thinking about things

www.amazon.co.uk/Women-Who-Think-Too-Much/dp/0749924810/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=women+who+think+too+much&sprefix=womwn+who+think+too+much&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1570584166&sr=8-1