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Original poster

My life is shit and I don't know how to make it better

26 replies

Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 08:38

Just that really. I've tried loads of different antidepressants and counselling and nothing ever gets better. I live alone and have no friends. My job is shit and I seem incapable of getting anything else. Everything is shit and I feel absolutely hopeless.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 09:13

Literally no-one would notice or care if i disappeared. The only reason I haven't killed myself is that I'll probably fail.

OP posts:
GlitterSparkle85 · 08/10/2019 09:17

Omg please please do not say that it's normal to feel down every once in a while everything is never sunshine and rainbows all the time even tho some people like to show that via social media-please please do NOT kill yourself over this is there anyone you could talk to sibling/Mum or dad?I'm sure that's not true you matter

Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 09:30

No, I can't talk to my family about anything.

OP posts:
spaniorita · 08/10/2019 09:40

Then talk here. What would bring you some happiness? Set some small, manageable goals for yourself. What sort of things do you enjoy doing - perhaps you could look in to starting a new hobby as a starting point. Something just for you.

itsasausage · 08/10/2019 09:44

what job have u got , what do you want and what has stopped you so far?

Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 09:56

I work in a shop. Can't get anything better because i haven't got experience in anything else. Tried applying for volunteering but no-one wants me.

OP posts:
itsasausage · 08/10/2019 10:11

I'd guess the majority of people with careers will have worked in a shop/pub/something along those lines at the beginning so dont let that stop you. I started on the deli counter in a supermarket !

Are you in a remote area or are there opportunities to work elsewhere?
How long have you been there, are you a manager? if not can you step up your game to become one or apply elsewhere for the next level if you have been performing in your current role for a while?
If it's a larger shop can you request training you in any different areas (customer service/HR/line management of newbies). Any free/cheap training courses you can attend -get on as many as possible to Improve your CV

blackcat86 · 08/10/2019 10:14

The thing is, when you're feeling down its really hard to think of good things about yourself but working in a shop has tons of transferable skills like customer service, team work, sometimes handling money, dealing with difficult people. What would you like to do career wise? Could you take up a hobby to meet people locally? I would also encourage you to reach out to services close to you to support you with your mental health.

SapatSea · 08/10/2019 10:25

Is there a subject you are interested in? If you haven't gone to uni before you could look into doing an Access course (at your local college or uni) in an area that interests you such as nursing, law, education, social studies, business etc. You might also be able to apply for the foundation year of courses at some unis (an extra introductory year). Some Access courses are FT but many are PT, they are a great way to get into study again and have a broad mix of people and ages doing them. It would get you chatting and mixing with people in the classroom and maybe outside. After the course you can go onto a vocational degree that would lead into a new career.

You would get Student Finance for this and could top up the money with part time shop work.

Would you like to try a sport? Team sports such as football. netball and hockey, tennis are great for having to talk to people as part of organising the game(rather than yoga etc where people tend to come in, do the class and leave).

If you have a faith (or might like to pursue one) then churches, mosques etc are usually really friendly to new comers and have groups and activities/volunteering attached. I have a friend who has to move around a lot with her job. She's not partcularly religious but the first thing she does in a new city is to go to a busy church (look on websites) with pizza evenings, after service refreshments etc and she invariably finds people friendly and welcoming with a wealth of knowledge about what is going on in the area.

Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 10:27

I've tried applying for internal vacancies and always get turned down. I hate this job, hate dealing with the public. I have really bad social anxiety and get panic attacks. No one at work likes me. I used to work in a warehouse and I didn't have to deal with the public but it was a lot of heavy lifting and bending and I was always in pain.

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Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 10:30

I started a degree years ago but dropped out because of anxiety

OP posts:
TheABC · 08/10/2019 10:37

Ok, it sounds like your work is compounding the problems you have with your mental health.

Let's step back a little. What would you enjoy doing? For example if you are analytical and enjoy working with numbers, you could train to be a bookkeeper. Much less physical, more predictable social interaction and you know you are genuinely helping the business. There are many more options, from graphic design to transcription services.

Decide where you want to be, then work out the steps you need to take to get there.

Regarding your mental health, it sounds like you have not found the right treatment yet. I can't medically advise on this area, but I do know my anxiety gets worse when I am sleep deprived and don't meditate that day. Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

TheABC · 08/10/2019 10:39

Take a look at online courses and "permit" yourself to play. If you don't finish it, you have still learned something. If you do, that's a new achievement under your belt.

StormTreader · 08/10/2019 10:42

Look at sites like meetup.com, they are for people to get together to socialise and do things and its perfectly fine to go along on your own as meeting people is the whole point.

Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 10:43

I just want a job that's not working with the public or physically painful but it seems unattainable.

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 08/10/2019 10:51

That sounds like some kind of clerical job, perhaps?

Cailleach · 08/10/2019 10:52

Cleaning? Admin jobs like data entry via an agency? Delivery driver? Royal Mail are looking for mail sorters at this time of year. Production line work in a factory?

What is at the root cause of your anxiety, do you know? Have a look at ASD / ADD / ADHD in women and see if anything rings any bells.

Orangeblossom78 · 08/10/2019 10:52

Hmm, yes quite a few general jobs are public facing. Maybe keep an eye out online for something entry level which is not very physical or public facing to start with? For example I saw something in a cheese shop recently cutting and packing as well as a bit of customer service.

You could also maybe do some kind of course but think you might need to start looking outward to solutions and take care not to end up with a midget of being stuck, only you can change.

Orangeblossom78 · 08/10/2019 10:52

mindset

DogAndCatPerson · 08/10/2019 10:53

Have you had any treatment for your anxiety?

GlitterSparkle85 · 08/10/2019 10:54

Its sounds like you need a good Avenue to help occupy your mind and to make the bad thoughts into good ones. There must be something that interests you or youd like to do?

Singlenotsingle · 08/10/2019 11:29

Have a think about retraining, maybe in some sort of computer work? Data entry, programming? And try not to put up barriers- it's no good saying no all the time. There are lots of people who don't like socialising. I used to know an accountant very much like you. He had a good job and he managed.

Orangeblossom78 · 08/10/2019 11:35

CBT might be helpful, it is really good for anxiety and negative thinking.

Original poster
Oiugfxcnm · 08/10/2019 11:40

I suspect I've got ASD but no idea how to actually get a diagnosis. Tried a lot of different antidepressants and started counselling, none of it helped.

I realise I sound like I'm not taking on any of the advice I'm being given, but it's all stuff I've tried before.

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SapatSea · 08/10/2019 11:46

Could you do an evening or part time admin course. My local college runs some , one morning or one evening a week for 12 weeks and you get a certificate that deals in Office : Word, Excel spreadsheets and Database. Costs less than £200. Enough so that you could pass any practical interview for a basic admin job. A schoolfriend recently did this and got a job in t he local uni, she does filing etc in the housing office and lets others man the info desk as there are plenty of takers.She nearly passed out with anxiety at the interview an dfelt she was on a seperate planet but got through.

I do think that fundamentally you need to have another bash at dealing with the anxiety. Do you have a suspicion as to the root cause? It may take more than self referral NHS phone cbt to deal with, could you afford on going talking therapy if that if that is needed? Could you face going back to the GP and trying some meds again. The side effects of some calm down after a few weeks and it can take up to 3 months to see benefits on some. Don't discount med anxiety as well (I have this as I'm allergic to some very common drugs) and often feel I will have an anaphaylatic reaction and so start panicking several minutes into taking a new med when all the weird sensations in my body can't actually be a side effect of the med that quickly but are actually my anxiety. I'm sure if you get the anxiety under some control you would start to feel a bit more positive about trying things. It is so, so hard but if you want your life to change then you have to start changing something in it.

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