letting children play outside

[ginny47]

I have a school friend of my daughter who keeps knocking on our door asking if she can play out. I have said no, she is 10. the parents of this child let their kids wander all over the place unsupervised. I am so cheesed off as it makes me seem mean. I have checked with 6 other parents at the school and they agree with me, so I am not alone. I feel it is too dangerous and that age. I am also panicking about when my daughter starts secondary school next year, I want to drop her off in car and after school until she is a bit older. Please can any mums who have experience in this advise me as she is our only child and it is all new. thank you xx

I would let a 10 year old play outside if there was a safe place to do so, but I wouldn't just want them wandering all over town. Are they trustworthy? Could you say they can play out but only in your road or the next, or similar. If you find that they have disobeyed this then you would be reasonable to not allow it any more.

There is no need to drop of a secondary school child, a typical 11 year old should be trustworthy to walk to school with friends or alone - you can give them a cheap phone to contact you in an emergency.
I'm assuming the secondary school is only a few miles away and doesnt require crossing dual carriageway or anything.

If your child is starting secondary next year, you should be past the stage of panicking and keeping them locked indoors!

10 year olds should be allowed to be outside unsupervised.

How is your child going to learn independence if you want to drive her to and from your home until she's what, 11, 12, 13? Come on. It's really good for them to find out the world is out there for them, and it's not their mums or dads, but somewhere they can take their place in. It's fucking terrifying I'll give you that, but you being scared shouldn't stop your child developing.

I think 10 is old enough to play outside unsupervised! And secondary school age is certainly old enough to walk to and from school alone. I don't live in the nicest of areas either but I'd have no qualms about that.

thanks everyone, I am going to allow her to go outside in our street where I can see her. it's just I am not allowing her to wander around the streets by herself with this other child who is allowed to do just that, completely out of sight. I am overprotective I know, but I am not alone as many of the the parents at the school do not allow their children roaming at 10 years old either

You are not alone, OP, and ultimately it's your choice how you raise your child. However, I don't think it's in any way neglectful to let a 10-year old go and knock for her friend. I would say that the kids I know around here who were given a bit of freedom from year 5 and 6 onwards just seem a bit more confident now they are at secondary school. Where I live it's pretty 50/50 with people letting kids 'roam the streets' or keeping them home.
I would say there is a balance between keeping kids safe and raising them to be confident and capable people.

With respect, you're being judgey by describing it as 'wandering around unsupervised'.

My 9 year old might walk round to her friends in the next street, and they'll go to the park for an hour then walk back. She'll also go along the street to the library by herself because she loves it.

I know where she is: she wears a GPS watch we can call each other on. Is that classed as 'wandering around'? She's got places to go, she's not aimlessly walking the street for lack of a home to go to.

Op, did you play outside when you were a child?
What do you think will happen to your daughter? What is so dangerous out there?

Erm, if your kid was 6, yes, I'd understand. But 10?? Ybu.

IMO kids should be able to make their own way to and from secondary school unless it's excessively far/difficult... the way I look at playing outside etc is that I work backwards from what I think my kids should be able to do. I wanted DD to be ready for that so I started letting her go to corner from from about age 8 for things and that was about the extent of it for while. From 10 I let her out rollerskating or cycling locally, as there weren't really any local friends who played out - I would have been delighted if there was a child who did. She also started going to and from primary school alone some days in last term or two (about 1 mile away).

Now she's at secondary she's pretty independent and has a few mates whose parents are happy for them to be so too and it's great I have to say. I'd say 10 is a good age to start playing outside - could be earlier if you're in a very safe, low-traffic area.

I would let a 10 year old play out. And I would definitely let my 11 year old travel to and from school by bus or on foot. I'd be checking my phone every 30 seconds and pacing anxiously the first few times I'm sure, but I'd let my kids have a bit more freedom. But then I think that's about the right age, you don't have to agree with anyone else, it's what you feels right for you and yours

Teaching your child to be independent is hugely beneficial. At ten she should be able to go out by herself to set places such as to the shops, the park, catch a bus and know alternative routes if a usual route has to be detoured.

You teach them what to do in certain situations and suitable phrases to use, whom they could ask for help and how to conduct themselves in a confident manner and the importance of crossing roads safely.

They should know the names of roads, streets etc and know their bearings such as which direction they are walking in.

Over protecting your child can be detrimental to them as it does not teach them to be independent which is a very important life skill.

10 years old and you won't let them out to play fs?! Then people wonder why kids spend so much screen time 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Absolutely @Soola - teaching/allowing age-appropriate independence is all about safety. You don't want a child to be unable to cope without you in an emergency, and streetwise is safe

10 is completely fine to be playing out alone and going to call for a friend. And your child should absolutely be going to secondary school on her own.
You will do her no favours if you teach her to be frightened and to doubt her ability to cope with things that her peers manage fine.

The key thing is that they say where they’re going and stay there and don’t move on without asking or letting you know.

So if they’ve gone to the park but met another child who invited them back to their house, your child must contact you to say where they are going and accept your decision if you say no.

Goodness, my now 8 year old had been playing out since she was 6! Granted, to start with, it was just to the park across the street, but now, she is in and out of friends, at the park, on her bike.
We do live in a small town, on a housing estate where almost everyone knows each other.
Even now, in P4, she is technically allowed to walk to and from school on her own. She would, if we loved just a little closer!

And this is why children are obese with no social skills or independence