To feel a bit low about the direction of my life

[Sorryichangedmyusername]

Ive name changed here because since I've been on MN it seems everyone does it before posting a thread.

As the title suggested im feeling a bit low about where my life is. Im a reaching a milestone birthday (not a big one, but a milestone) soon and i feel i havent accomplished much in life. I feel bad for feeling like this because i have a job, a husband and a baby and i feel very lucky for all these things but i feel something is missing. I have a stable job/career but i dont think im very good at it. I try really hard but I dont think my colleagues think im great. I see all my friends and colleagues progressing in their careers but i feel i havent moved on. I think about what else i can do but i have no confidence and i cant see what else i can do. I dont have any friends, all my close friends live out of the country and when i do spend time with colleagues outside of work i feel very socially awkward and boring. I dont have any hobbies and my family live 2 hours away so its just my husband and I where we live. I feel i dont really have a life. I recently saw that an old school friend ( who i lost contact with) is living abroad and has a fancy career and is climbing the career ladder and im very pleased for her but a little bit of me feels like such a failure. I dont think i have any talent, i dont have a sparkling personality, i feel like im just existing alone.

I apologise that this is a moany thread but i dont have anyone to speak to. Has anyone felt like this before and how did you feel better?

Sorry you're feeling this way.
You have a baby! So you're life must be pretty busy just now, with a little one to care for. How old is baby? I was genuinely rubbish at my job when I first went back after maternity leave. I was so exhausted and got things wrong. My confidence was at rock bottom and I rarely got any positive feedback from my manager at that time. But slowly slowly it got easier, I felt more in control and once I was getting full nights sleep things at work improved. You say you're trying hard and that's a really positive thing. Could you speak to your manager about how you are feeling / have you had any actual feedback?

(I have no advice on the friends situation. Like you, many of mine moved abroad or now have completely opposite priorities. I'm 'boring' and no longer drink / go on night out so I've lost my social circle.)

(Btw - I'm now almost four years on since maternity leave and a subsequent few months / year feeling like a zombie! New job - better pay and more chance of progression, once I'm ready. Sometimes a change of scene helps)

I'm feeling similar at the minute. I have a 4 month old and I'm just feeling down about everything and lacking motivation.

With your friend on social media, remember that most people only post the positive things. At the weekend I posted a pic of my kids with me and dh dressed up for a wedding. We were all smiles and that's what everyone has seen but the reality is that I was feeling down and couldn't wait for the day to be over.

With your career, can you retrain or upskill with an evening or online course?

definitely ignore social media

I had a phase of this. I literally have all high achieving, extroverted, v attractive friends, lol.

After I hit 40, I just thought, fuck it, everyone can't be like that. I had made myself very unhappy trying to achieve more.

I honestly think it's good to understand your limitations, though that's not a popular thing to say in our current culture of "you can be anything". Perhaps it's just a feeling that passes in time.

I might have retrained but luckily the cost of it put me off. Otherwise I have a feeling I'd have just cost myself a lot of money and felt the same about work.

Thank you so much for the replies. Its nics but also sad that some of you feel the same. My baby is 12 months and i love being a mum i do find it hard at times. I had no confidence in my job before my mat leave so its not coming back from a mat leave thats caused. I work in education and i find that it can be very much a character assassination sometimes. Other colleagues boast about how everyone (staff, pupils and parents) think they are amazing and i just feel rubbish about myself. During my mat leave i went to play groups but never made any mummy friends and was very lonely. None of my friends have children so i feel very isolated. At uni, i had very close group of friends and that was the first time i felt like i fit in. They have now moved away for their work and i just feel i have no friends near by and i dont fit in anywhere. I try to be nice and ask people about themselves but im quite shy and worry about what people think.
I agree about social media not always showing day to day but i just feel like ive wasted my life. My lack of confidence has always kept me back and sometimes i wish i could think of another career, i dont think im good at most things and feel quite useless.

@autumnross how did you get to the fuck it bit? Did you focus on something else or did you just wake up not caring? I worry if i try to retrain all I'll do is waste money.

OP

I could send a long reply but it might be totally irrelevant to you...

so I'll start with the short bit..

1. Human beings are the same everywhere - ego etc is not specific to industry IMHO!

2. can you afford to retrain? I was no way going into debt and also didn't want to study on top of work.

I think it's important to be honest with yourself. If you just have a vague sense of "there must be something better out there" then there are ways to find that out, whether it's right for you or not, without spending money.

but if you are can easily spend the money for retraining, it's a very different thing than pinning future finances on it.

" None of my friends have children so i feel very isolated"

I don't have children. I keep in touch with friends with children. Sometimes it's not easy, I don't enjoy the company of toddlers, but we compromise. Sometimes they will come out for an evening just with me etc, sometimes I will go and read Very Hungry Caterpillar to their kids or whatever. It can work.

I can't offer you any advice. All I can do is offer empathy and understanding.

I am approaching a milestone birthday in a few years and have 2 children. I'm on maternity leave with my 2nd and they aren't very many weeks old. My friends have a gone by the way side over the years, I'm in a dead end job and don't get out as much as I used to. I have pretty bad social anxiety and when I do go to baby groups, feel the same as you, like I don't fit in.
I started an OU degree earlier this year and it's the only thing keeping me going. Maybe finding a hobby for yourself might help?

I get you, so sorry you're feeling this way. I've been there.

You said you don't have any hobbies. Is there something you could try? I've started painting, am rubbish, but find it very relaxing and completely takes my mind off things for a while. But not very sociable as i just do it alone at home, not part of a group.

@AutumnRose1 i do agree with you, i imagine there are egos in every industry. I wasnt saying that people who are childfree dont want to be friends with mum, just that my friends haven't experienced being on mat leave etc. I think the best thing i could focus on is my confidence. @Aomame83 im sorry to hear this. Im glad you have an ou degree to keep you going. I would like a hobby but dont know where to begin.

I'm also approaching a big milestone birthday too. Maybe that's got more to do with how you feel than you realize?

OP "I wasnt saying that people who are childfree dont want to be friends with mum, just that my friends haven't experienced being on mat leave etc"

I kind of wonder why it matters though?

I also wonder if a hobby would help. Most of my friends are working parents and they've taken up everything from running to piano. The common theme for everyone is to seem to want something immersive. I run, and I used to feel inadequate because I thought I "should" be aiming for official runs etc, but the reality is that I don't enjoy that kind of target.

re the baby groups, a couple of my friends hated it because they said they didn't want to join groups and just talk about babies, but they did it on mat leave because it seemed to be recommended by everyone.

A couple of other friends found it really helped in terms of finding someone to babysit etc but of course every experience is different.

has any of this coincided with the weather? I was quite teary yesterday and today, I'm sure the change of weather has something to do with it. It also took me a while to understand that it was fine to hibernate and I shouldn't even try to maintain normal social life at this time of year because it doesn't suit me at all.

weird isn't it...takes a lifetime just to get to know yourself!

It doesn't matter. I suppose what im trying to say is that im gutted that at my age i dont have close friends that i hear from regularly or that i can just meet up at the weekend and that i struggle socialising with new people. I feel very lonely which makes me sad. I think you are right about getting a hobby. The weather was awful all weekend which was a downer and its getting darker quicker. Maybe it has affected my mood. Thanks for everyone replies

OP, I hear you. I'm sorry if I came across mad, I just thought maybe I could help if you were having the kind of career crisis I had.

I think I've been dumped by a friend recently and it's making me feel oddly lonely. I hope you feel better soon.

Oh @AutumnRose1 im sorry to hear that. Its awful when that happens. I wasnt annoyed with you. You are right though, lots of childfree womem stay friends with mum. Ive just feeling sorry for myself.

OP I felt like this when I turned 30. But I actually didn't have the career or the family. You have a lot more than most. All of my friends were getting engaged and buying houses and I felt so socially awkward around them as I was in an awful job, renting a room in a house share. However, I get it. I joined a guitar group. I made a friend there and through him made other friends. We still hang out all the time playing music etc. Not everyone's thing but try a few things till you find your tribe. It's actually a great age to meet new friend's as I think people are less competitive etc. I also tried running where I did make some friends but they are only really aquantances now. We meet up the odd time. What I'm saying is trial and error.