How to make mum friends when you are new to the school?

[23Squared]

I don't mean starting reception. I mean when you transfer schools once all of the groups are established already.

So you know no one, your child knows no one. I am on the WhatsApp and suggested over the summer that if anyone was free we would love to meet up. Nothing.

Child still doesn't have proper friends and is not interested in playdates (autistic) so I can't go down that route either.

I don't want to best best buddies and am happy enough to drop and run but it would be nice to not be the only one standing by myself just before the bell goes for pickup! Even a "hi" from someone would be nice!

I work from home so it is literally just me all day.

Two of mine moved mid-year. DC1 moved in year 3 and then a few years later we had to move again and DC2 moved in year 2. So I get where you're coming from. And actually, I made really firm friends with mums I still see regularly. DC1 is 17 and applying to uni, so it's proof that you can make lifelong friends with a few school parents.
Attending things like quiz nights helps. Maybe attend or run the bar at an evening event or run a stall at the winter fair. You don't have to throw yourself into the PTA or become Super Involved Parent (always keep a safe distance away, is my advice ), but help out at a couple of events and soon you'll be plugged in a bit more. I found helping out, more than just attending events, got me more engaged with our year's parents.
What really helped me though was noticing who the kids were chatting with at pick-up. Invariably their mum would come up next to our chatting kids and that would kick-start a chat between us.
Also, if there's a local park kids go to after school (especially in the summer term), this also helps to get parents chatting while the kids play. Drinks nights organised by the class rep also really help.
There is almost always a Whatsapp group for parents (this is a double-edged sword, but I switch off notifications so I am not ruled by threads. But I find it very helpful and our class parents are reasonable/friendly on both threads- I have 2 kids at one school).
Do they run coffee mornings at your child's school, OP?
I eventually joined a parents' book club made up of a few mums I've gotten to know over the years and that has been brilliant, a lot of fun and not demanding. We meet once every 8-10 weeks. Sometimes we don't even read the book. We just eat and talk!
I have to say, my youngest is in year 1 and started reception at the same school. I'm nowhere close to getting to know any parents. Sometimes, you just have a less social group of parents in a year, which has been my experience with my youngest.

Volunteer at the school eg be the one who sells the sweatshirts/volunteer at the fete - things that being you into max contact with parents. It gets you on the map in record time.

They don't sound that great to know tbh! Are you sure you need to be working hard to be accepted in? People don't even say hello or greet you after months? Yuk.

I thought about the PTA and have mentioned on the FB page I am interested in an event, but I have no idea who the actual PTA people are. There is also an event coming up so I might volunteer for that?

Everyone on the playground seems to stand in groups but I don't know who the parents are in the right year as four classes collect at the same point. DD doesn't want to point out the children so I can follow the child (by eye, not stalk!) to the parent either.

No coffee mornings sadly!

Springdaff - maybe, but I would like at least to give it a chance. For DD sake at least! I did think maybe at least one of the mums from the drinks thing at the end of the last term might at least say hi :( I don't think I am that boring or offensive?

No - but they sound like they are.

op it sounds like you're being too passive, waiting to get invited in. You have to be proactive and practically bulldoze your way in - without looking like you are.

Volunteer for the thing coming up - don't wait to be asked, just do it. Ask someone to point out the class rep for you and go from there. Say "Hi, I'm Squared, I'd like to volunteer at the upcoming thing, what can I do?"

I imagine they were surprised you didn't invite them when you suggested getting together over the summer?

Smile and be upbeat when you talk to class rep. They'[ll want to know you're easy to handle and no trouble. Everyone's busy and no-one has time to hold anyone else - they'll want to know you add to the ship type of thing.

You can do it!