Party when best friend is dying or something else.

[Catchytune]

Name changed. This is very sensitive,

So my DH is having a significant birthday. We have been together 5 years and he has been married twice before. He has never had a surprise party and I know he is quietly disappointed that no one has ever organised a cheesy party for him before,. He likes a bit of drama.He has a lot of very cool friends that know DH friend well too. It could be an amazing party.

So this would be the year. Only his best friend is dying, There’s no actual time scale but he looks pretty bad. From experience I’d say he has months rather than years but who knows.Party would be just before Christmas and both DH and DH friend live close to the perfect venue for party.

Do a I risk it and have a big bash hoping the best friend can make it. However if he’s too ill he’d hear it anyway if he was home which is great or terribly sad. Or just take DH away as he also wants to do a particular city break.

Not sure DH or BF are doing anything but telling each other it will be ok. It could be a fab party and a last chance to say goodbye, or too late, or the worse idea and have to cancel.

What would you advise?

I would and I would include the friend in feeling part of organising it even if they can't do much or even make it in the end

Another one here saying yes do it and involve the friend. They might like something else to think about. Also they probably wouldn’t like tothink that your DH was missing out because of them

Talk to the friend. He'll know his prognosis better than anyone else, and although cancer can take some pretty shitty unexpected turns, as it's months not weeks, then there's a good chance that this could be an excellent 'last blast' party for him as well as significant surprise for your DH

Actually they were involved when we started planning this a couple of months ago ( it’s a busy time of year so needed forward planning), They were very involved and had planned to be a big part but they can’t even think about at the moment. It’s terribly sad.
That’s why I think it would be worse to go ahead without them in a way. But maybe they will be a bit better then. No one can’t say.

Ask friend.... likely he will say go ahead, and if he doesn't make it one way or the other, to raise a glass to him. I expect he will feel happy to have been asked and I think that is all you will need to do for everyone to feel OK about it.

Could you hold it early and then maybe do the city break for the actual birthday?

sorry “ can” say.

Personally, I wouldn't do a surprise in these circumstances. It could backfire badly. By all means have a party but I think your dh would need to be in agreement.

You need to ask the friend. If he can't even think about it then I wouldn't do it this year. If it didn't go right it could be awful.

I’d do the city break and save the surprise party for the next big birthday.

Could your DH do something special with just his best mate sooner rather than later if he is able? Go somewhere special they have always wanted to go together, a place, concert or to do an activity.
I was going to suggest the City break for the two of them or for the three of you but that's maybe something you wanted to do just as a couple.

Would your DH still really want a big bash and fuss if his mate was unable to attend?