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AIBU? Frustrated by lack of consideration?

6 replies

hales243 · 06/10/2019 22:28

This is ridiculous but I got in to a fight with my partner over changing the cat litter box 😩 I'm 22wks pregnant and whilst he was changing the other one downstairs (which I appreciate ofc), I asked him nicely a couple of times to remember to do the upstairs one for me. Cut to 10 minutes later when he climbs in to bed without having done it. I gently remind him (again, nicely!) that the upstairs one really needs doing please and he gets snappy and says that he's not doing it now, he'll do it tomorrow when he gets home from work, end of. He knows I wont be able to resist leaving it that long as he didn't do it last night either and I think its unsanitary for both us and the cats to leave it. I explain anyway how I feel. He then shoves his headphones in and ignores me. Something he does to cut me off. I tell him I feel irritated and upset that hes left it to me to struggle with tomorrow on the stairs and I feel like he doesn't care sometimes. (Earlier he also left me to struggle with starting to put a cot together for 15 minutes before he begrudgingly asked if I needed help because he was busy playing a computer game...) He says the same as before and then gets angry with me and tells me I'll have to f'ing do it myself then etc 😳 we argue a bit more and then I told I didnt want to sleep next to him while he was being so nasty/uncaring. So here I am tearful and uncomfortable, failing to sleep on the sofa. Also bothered by the fact he hasn't checked on me (I have epilepsy which is made worse by stress too). Yet feeling like I'm the asshole here. AIBU? Should I apologise?

OP posts:
Sunnysideup321 · 06/10/2019 22:53

Firstly your pregnant therefore it's not actually safe for you or your baby to be around dirty cat litter. Also your going to emotions are going to be all over the 0lace something he should, without becoming a doormat help you to not get so emotional or stressed as again it's not good for your during your pregnancy never mind the fact it could actually bring on seizures. Is he still getting his head around the pregnancy?

TrainspottingWelsh · 06/10/2019 23:06

Unless there's some complication you didn't mention, I'm not sure why carrying a litter tray downstairs is a struggle in pregnancy. And in a similar situation I'd find it irritating if dp then wanted to talk about his feelings about it at length. And I'll admit that if he said he didn't want to sleep next to me I'd certainly not be going to check he was ok.

That said, I'd have expressed my irritation in a more constructive way than sticking my earphones in, and would have had the conversation about why he couldn't do it himself when he asked. Not waited till he noticed I hadn't done it.

Cherrysoup · 06/10/2019 23:17

Why are you with this nasty individual?

hales243 · 06/10/2019 23:19

@Sunnysideup321

Well I thought he had already, but perhaps I'm wrong? He just has this sort of stubborn personality trait and I think I might be an overly sensitive person? 😩 I must be. Its difficult to have a discussion with him sometimes.

@TrainspottingWelsh

The problem with the litter box on the stairs is just that they're very narrow (also it's a huge litter box) and I get tremors from the epilepsy sometimes is all. I can manage it myself, and will in the morning. I'd just have felt better if he took the extra minute while he was doing it anyway to make something small a little easier/safer for me is all it was really. I'm probably just a bit emotional at the moment

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MrBobLobLaw · 06/10/2019 23:40

I'm on the fence here OP. Clearly you shouldn't be doing the cat litter as it is dangerous in your pregnancy, and DP should just change it before it's gross.

But YABU to be a martyr about the other stuff. 'He let me struggle with the cot' and 'he allowed me to struggle down the stairs with the tray' well.. just ask for help or don't do it and wait for him to sort it. You sound a bit precious to me. He also sounds like a bit of a douchebag don't get me wrong but I can't stand the whole drama of struggling with stuff loudly when you can just say 'hey can you help me put the cot together?' or whatever.

Trust me (I am 36w pregnant with DC2) you're going to get a lot bigger and more uncomfortable and need a lot more help as the pregnancy progresses, don't wear your DPs empathy thin this early on!

hales243 · 06/10/2019 23:51

@MrBobLobLaw

Yeah, you're probably right. I've never liked to ask for help so it's something I should really work on

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