Please recommend the best book with advice for parenting teenagers...

[SurfingApple]

Teen DD (16) is pressing all of our buttons - room a tip, not helping at all round the house, only nice when she wants something, rude, eye rolling. Her and DH are really clashing causing horrible arguments and shouting. DH gets drawn in and they are often as bad as each other. Need an intervention strategy and thought an audio book DH and I could listen to would be a good start. Or is there something really good on You Tube? Needs to be solid strategy and suggestions not wishy washy.

Disclaimer - I've never read this, but I see it recommended on here a lot.

There is a book called "Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town". Have only heard good things about it, so might be worth a look?

Thank you Alexa. Just ordered it. Any other recommendations (or ones to avoid wasting money on) gratefully received.

I actually found that book very interesting too. It is a bit more about boys I thought than girls, but definitely worth a read.

I have indeed found my boys were at times, very much back off and give me space, but also be totally available for my every need!

I think a proper sit down can be helpful with a list of expectations/non-negotiables written down.

Living in a house is like a team.
I will not allow any one member dominate by virtue of their demands, behaviour, contribution to the home.

Everyone has to help out.
Everyone must keep a reasonably tidy room.
We treat each other with courtesy and respect.
Lifts and money etc are not a right, they are earned.

One of my son's wasn't looking after his lovely bedroom.
I told him I would move him to our spare bedroom which is much smaller if he didn't buck up. It worked.

I think your husband and yourself need to prepare for the sit down.
Decide which are the real bug bears.

Communicate calmly and firmly the rules of the house and your expectations.

Consequences are vital.

No wifi
No phone package
No lifts
Grounding
Switch bedrooms

Tell her you want to treat her like a young adult but with that comes responsibilities.

We are very firm with the line, you choose the behaviour, you accept the consequences.

And we follow through. Always.

Good luck.💐

Hi, I was recommended this book:

Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood by Lisa Damour

and found it very helpful. The author is American and a counsellor with years of experience counselling young/teenage girls. She explains why girls behave the way they do and how we as parents should react. I have actually used it to moderate my behaviour when my 12 yr old DD is being challenging. It helps me to diffuse situations and avoid all out confrontation. Not all the time of course - sadly but at least I have a small insight as to why she is behaving the way she is. One example I liked that she used, is to describe parents as the edge of the swimming pool. Our DDs need to be able to go and swim in the middle of the pool on their on and with their friends. Our job is to be the side of the swimming pool so that when they get tired or it's all too much being independent etc... they can come back to us for a rest/reassurance etc.... before going off again.

Definitely worth a read. I got mine from the local library.

Thank you. Bought Get Out of My Life yesterday and a couple of chapters in. It’s very reassuring to hear just how normal the behaviour is and why it occurs. Not so helpful (so far) on the strategies to deal with it. Looking forward to getting further into the book and think I’ll get Untangled too. Thank you for the advice and suggestions. The sit down chat will be better done once I’ve got the insight from the books I’m sure.