I have been with my partner 8 years, live together, I’m in my 40’s he’s just turned 50. Past few months it seems like there is no affection or anything. During work he will never pick his phone up and ask me how my day is going or even a quick love you text, when asked about it he says he’s busy but yet he uses up all his data each month! So it’s obvious he has time to scour the internet or whatever else but can’t send me a quick text. Also he doesn’t come to me no more for kiss, hug, holding hand......if he does come to me for a kiss it’s a quick side kiss. The sex used to be good but this has stopped, last time we had sex was about 8 weeks ago. But if I offer oral to him he willingly accepts this, so I’ve stopped it. It was his 50th couple of weeks ago, I paid for a week away and hired a little cottage just for us, I got up every morning made him a cooked breakfast and paid for everything as I wanted his birthday to be special. Even during the time away he didn’t once attempt any affection.....I would get in bed and he would stay up in the cottage and watch match of the day or rugby.
I used to reach out to him a lot and make the move on sex or affection and even texting him asking how his day is going but I’ve stopped it all now. I don’t want to feel like I’m begging for any of it. I have tried talking a few times asking why he doesn’t show affection and why doesn’t he bother with me, but he replies with anything constructive or anything which can make the conversation move forward and deal with it. I spend a lot of nights on the sofa now because I can’t share a bed with someone who I feel like I’m more of a friend with. I got in bed last night and he did his usual....lay on his phone reading about football then rolled over and started snoring so I came downstairs.
I have tried the conversations, walking round in front of him naked!!! Tried being happy and positive but now I think fk it, every weekend I Meal prep all his meals for the week.....I get a thank you but a hug and a thank you would be great! I often find myself thinking am I expecting to much from him. I used to ask him for a hug or a kiss, at times he would and other times he would finish reading his phone first. So I’ve now stopped it all and vowed I would never ever put myself in a position where I feel like I’m begging for affection. It hurts and I’m constantly thinking what more can I do, but I trying to step back massively now, for my own sanity and self esteem it’s all I can do. It’s actually upsetting, being with someone who tells you he doesn’t bother texting to see how your day is coz he’s busy but yet you fully know he’s using all his data up so he can find the time to do other things. He doesn’t take me out anywhere, last time I went cinema I went on my own. It’s just difficult