Theres no light at the end of the tunnel

[ConfusedAndStressed95]

I'm 24, I've had to take a Leave of Absence from my degree. I'm being tested for Lung cancer and COPD, I have no money and can't pay my rent and may become homeless. Because I am technically a student I'm likely not able to qualify for Universal Credit but due my disabilities, diagnosed OCD, anxiety, learning difficulties and autism I'm finding it impossible to apply for jobs. I don't know what jobs I'm qualified for and no idea how to breakdown a job listing and write a coherent CV. The stress is causing hair loss and making my illnesses worse.

I want to work, I want to be normal and I want to be healthy but I'm not and I'm swinging between wanting to kill myself and end this shit or pack a bag and use the little money I have to get a flight somewhere and never return.

Bumping for you OP.

Do you have any family or friends you could stay with so you can rest for a while?

@Bunnyhop1502, I can't get out of my tenancy agreement. I could go stay with my mother but then my sisters would use me as wraparound full time childcare for three kids and a newborn. The three older kids are all autistic, one is HoH and the other two are visually impaired and provide tutoring for 15 year old with learning difficulties. They'd also expect that I take over some of my mothers caring responsibility for her father who is dying.

I have a meeting on the 10th about my claim for UC and apparently because I also receive PIP I should be able claim something while I look for work.

That all sounds so stressful and full-on. I’m your situation I don’t blame you for wanting to run away. I wish I could offer you some helpful advice

@posterBunnyhop1502, just being able to vent here is helpful. I know I'm doing all I can to sort my situation and hopefully an adviser or someone will be able to help me write a CV and make sense of job searches.

Keep talking! There’s always somebody here

Have you tried citizens advice? My mum works there and there's lots they can help with to try to bridge the gap before receiving universal credit. There maybe other benefits you could claim x x x

@Cotswoldmama, not yet. Thats my next point of call to make an appointment there.

I've just got back to my house share having stayed with my mother awhile and one of my housemates has taken over my fridge shelf and my freezer shelf so tomorrow I'm taking pictures of them and putting them on the group chat saying 'can whoever this belongs to move it from my shelf please. I have an order coming and need the space back'. It won't be received well but it's tough.

I'm also looking for somewhere else to live because I think it's the only way I'll be able to remain friends with my friend/housemate. She's driving me insane and thinks that I should do this or that. I can't make her see why her current priorities are not something that I share right now and that I've far bigger things to worry about. She won't take me moving out well or that there's a new tenant but again that's tough. I need to take care of my mental health because that will help my physical health.

Right now shes harping on at me about getting up early and running a stall at a fair thing with her for the uni because the other three people involved have signed up to run two and before I was ill I agreed I'd help her. But now I am ill and I've just got back tonight, need to settle into my room, unpack and tidy up as I left by ambulance so didn't get a chance to tidy my room. I need to find paperwork and organised documents and basically sort one million and one things. How can I nicely tell her where to shove it without making the living situation unbearable.

That sounds really tough. But it's sounds like you're doing the right thing for you. You need to stick to what you've been saying and do what's best for you x

@Cotswoldmama, she's rather sheepish now. She had a group chat for her 'volunteers' and asked me if I was coming to join her and I truthfully told her that I'd been to an out of hours appointment and I'm really quite ill. Obviously the other people in the chat offered me well wishes so now she's a little more apologetic.
I'm a little more positive today but I've not been productive at all.
I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I need to get my room into some sort of order today though because I won't have time tomorrow and then I think I should shower. If nothing else it'll be comforting.
I also need to buy some food but I'm going to wait until I'm either in town tomorrow or wait till Monday when a different housemate drives to Aldi. It'll be cheaper and easier than ordering more food than I need online.

It's sounds like things were a bit better today . I think some people genuinely don't realise that they're being insensitive until they're called out in it! Hopefully things will get easier now x

@Cotswoldmama, well she's just came in and is currently ignoring me so there's a lovely atmosphere in the house at the moment. Especially considering we've got mutual friends over.