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Original poster

Feeling a bit stuck in myself

16 replies

Waterofftheducksback · 03/10/2019 21:44

In the last year or so I feel like my life has just ground to a halt and I’ve kind of given up on myself. All my efforts are directed towards helping my dc to have a better life than mine but it feels like I’ve missed my chance.
It’s hard to express this clearly because it’s really more feelings than articulated thoughts. Logically I can see what’s wrong with what I’m saying but it’s more that I can’t connect it up in my brain.
I knew I was in a bit of a mum-slump so I started going to a good hairdresser and making my next appointment before I leave and for the first time in years I have decent hair. I reduced my wardrobe to a manageable capsule to make it easier to put myself together. I thought this sort of self care might help but it just makes it easier to hide that I really don’t give a toss about myself.
I’m encouraging the dc, helping them with school work, helping them find their passions and interest, be healthy and active. And I can’t find the time, energy or motivation to exercise, read a book, craft or write. It just all seems a bit pointless really. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:

Blueshadow · 03/10/2019 22:16

Yes. Completely. I feel burnt out and worthless and have completely forgotten how to have fun. I’ve actually felt this way for a long time. But ignored it. It’s as though I’m just not worth bothering with.

Original poster

Waterofftheducksback · 04/10/2019 06:39

I’m sorry to hear that Blueshadow.

OP posts:

SeaSidePebbles · 04/10/2019 06:45

I think we’ve all been there, it’s just exhaustion. It gets better as they grow older.
I’m a sociable person, I thrive on human contact. So, in those fog brain years, I kept my pilates class up, it was the one thing that made me go out for myself, I made friends I still have to this day.
Maybe choose a class you can get to easily and ringfence it?

lassofthenorth · 04/10/2019 07:03

Yes me OP. Mum to a 13 year old. H left earlier this year and its just the two of us rattling around in a house that is much too big for us, I have bought him out and would lose too much on mortgage penalties right now to justify moving.

All I do is work (45 -50 hours most weeks) and come home. I exercise at home (rowing machine) and play tennis once a week.

Because I work late one day and play tennis another I try to be here the rest of the time to avoid DD being alone too much - she is still struggling with her Dad leaving.

I would love to go to a yoga class and do something voluntary (was a scout leader for many years) but I just don't feel able to leave DD right now. It won't be forever I guess but I feel very flat and somewhat pinned down by responsibilities.

CallSignCharlie · 04/10/2019 07:12

Following this as I can totally relate
Like lassofthenorth I’m a single mum with a 13 yr old
Some weeks I feel I only work , talk to DS and encourage him with activities and homework .
Sorry not to have any useful advice op but maybe we can all check in with each other to see what we are doing for ourselves from
time to time

Original poster

Waterofftheducksback · 04/10/2019 20:44

I’ve been thinking a bit about this today and it occurred to me that part of my problem is that I’m a bit overwhelmed with the mental load. I just don’t have the spare capacity to organize my own life as well as everyone else’s.

Even taking the time to post this feels a bit wasteful.

Sorry to hear others feel like this too (although it’s also reassuring not to be alone in this). Hope everyone is having an okay day.

OP posts:

lassofthenorth · 04/10/2019 21:10

Hi water, it isn't wasteful at all. I agree its oddly reassuring.

I did something positive today - organised the bike rides I have been meaning to do for two months - I couldn't find any local clubs that were doing the sort of distance I wanted to so I went on a course to run them - a couple of hours on Sunday mornings isn't going to add to my guilt!

Blueshadow · 04/10/2019 21:35

I’m finding all my time gets taken up with catering to everyone else’s needs. In work time, that is fine, as at least I get paid. But at home one is my dh and the other is my 15 year old and of course the house itself. But I really think I could do something about that and somehow reclaim something for myself. Even just an evening a week would be a bit of an improvement.
I have a fantasy where I wander out of the house with my passport and go away to Paris for unspecified length of time...

Rayn · 04/10/2019 21:43

Completely relate to this! I feel I am giving abit of myself to work, kids, home, husband but failing as because I have too many plates to juggle I can't give anything my full attention. I am an afterthought and put everyone else first. I would feel guilty putting myself first. Speaking to many women this seems to be the norm x

Blueshadow · 04/10/2019 21:50

I have actually reached the point where I don’t want to be with other people as they all either need something from me; advice, help, an ego boost, tea on the table. Or they seem to be judging me. I’m not getting any benefit at all from being with others at the moment. I think this is what is stopping me from going out to any form of club or organised activity in the one evening I have free.

Cheerfullygo4 · 04/10/2019 22:11

I can totally relate to how you all feel. I just do t know who I am anymore. Older daughters have left home recently leaving husband and grunting teenage boy. Was redeployed at work, have not
lost the weight I need to, struggle to keep friends despite being friendly and am retreating into shyness and poor belief that anyone would really want to friends with me anyway. Spent to many years facilitating and encouraging happy adventurous lives for my children and I have nothing left to give. I seem to have forgotten how to enjoy new things and step outside this life around me. I can't even remember the last time someone touched me. Hey ho.

CallSignCharlie · 04/10/2019 22:24

So sad to see how many of us are feeling the same.
I’m determined to have done something positive for myself ( however small ) by the end of the weekend

Original poster

Waterofftheducksback · 07/10/2019 13:54

Did anyone manage to do anything nice for themselves over the weekend? Mine was hectic and I need a weekend to recover from it

@Blueshadow I’m not adventurous enough for Paris anymore but I fantasise about lying in a hotel room on crisp white sheets I will never have to wash or iron, falling asleep in silence and solitude. I treated myself to a night away like this a year ago only to discover the hotel had a night club and my room was on top of it. With that kind of luck, Paris would probably turn into a war one if I ran away
I really get what you mean about other people all wanting something from you. The cat jumps on my lap in the evening as soon as I sit down and even that feels like another person demanding my touch and attention. Some of the people who used to be my support network have become much more needy in recent years. My parents care needs have escalated; my sister is going through a messy break up. Everywhere I turn there’s someone who needs me to do something, or listen, or sympathize.

OP posts:

Blueshadow · 07/10/2019 16:34

I actually had half an hour with a cup of tea and a cake in a cafe. It was rather nice.

Hennysmommy · 07/10/2019 18:09

I was wondering if this thread is still open. Im completely fed up with life. Fed up with my job, and seem to be stuck in the same old routine. Cooking, cleaning, organising DS, working it never ends. To top it off ive had a rubbish day at work.

CallSignCharlie · 07/10/2019 20:57

I had a nice weekend but can’t say I did much for myself . Volunteered at DS’s activity on Saturday morning then babysat my niece in the evening (while my DB and SIL had a lovely night out )
Must try harder with things for myself

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