Fear of failure at work

[Darkandfullofterror]

Have posted about this before (name change) and had such supportive replies so I'm back for a virtual handhold.

I am in a fairly senior position at work. I didn't actively seek this role but due to departmental changes etc etc my job has shifted from hands on to management. I hate the management part of it. My resilience wouldn't ever have been massively robust but it's gradually disappeared completely and I spend my time worrying, overthinking and catastrophising like a pro.

GP referred me to CBT which has just started which is great. I've been on a starting dose of escitalopram which helped manage the physical signs of anxiety initially but has tailed off in last month or so.

I worry all the time about failing at work - making mistakes, getting things wrong, what this might mean and what will happen next. I go straight to the worst case scenario. Its fucking exhausting and impacts so much on home life as I can't switch off. A situation at work this morning which should be sorted next week (and in the great scheme of things isn't that dramatic) left me physically shaking and exhausted for the rest of the day and I know I'll overthink it until it gets resolved.

Ironically I'm fairly rational when it comes to dealing with other peoples work stresses and feedback about my work has always been positive.

Sorry for the essay and if you made it through well done. Any advice would be appreciated.

What's the worst that could happen (realistically)?

I always reckon I'll just quit if my job is stressing me out too much. Life is too short.

I am actively job seeking, this isn't sustainable in the long term.

Realistically - if mistakes are made I'd be accountable and be dealt with by my managers. But I wouldn't let it happen again

Sadly no advice as I could have written your post - just offering a virtual handhold and I hope it gets better soon.
I have found getting stricter with taking breaks, leaving on time and trying to get outside and getting physical exercise as much as possible during my time off does help. Doesnt work for everyone and doesnt work for me all the time but i've not cried about work in about 3 months which is progress for me!
I do plan on leaving though, although im not putting too much pressure into a jobsearch right now as otherwise it will get my hopes up and then the day-to-day panic will be worse.

oh wow been there but mine was related to a secondment but still get it now in my better job

Cbt helped me notice when it was happening and reduce it.

Have you spoken to your manager? Is there another job you could do that doesn't involve your triggers?

Also my mum says will it matter when your 80? Helps put things in perspective .
Go easy on yourself and get a jigsaw (focusing on that stopped my mind wondering off) or get outside and notice the world around you
Xx nnhy

Thanks for replies (and handholds)

I haven't discussed this formally with my manager, but they know me quite well and provide the informal 'on the spot' help when I need it. In one way I don't want to formally label it at work if that makes sense? Almost as if alerting work to my worry about making mistakes turns me into a self fulfilling prophecy. Irrational I know.

Hopefully CBT will be a good fit and I can find coping strategies then maintain them.

This happened to someone I worked with; they were not coping with the management role at all. In the end he just told his line manager that this job wasn’t for him and he moved back to his old job. I’m sure it wasn’t as easy as all that but in the end he was happier

If you ARE making mistakes and it’s not an irrational fear, look into some training in your weak areas.
Confidence will come with practice too.
If after that you are still so affected, move away from management.

I tried to reply to this earlier, but the internet crashed and then dinner was cooked and a 4 year old was shouting at me because she didn't like the cup her drink was in...

Anyway, I know the feeling. I lost all my resilience at work a while ago, possibly coincidetally a few months after being promoted. I feel like I stumble from one crisis/ emotional breakdown to another. I recently worked out that these are occurring at regularish intervals and may well be symptomatic of anxiety, but it has taken me most of a year to work that out. It is interesting that you say CBT is helping you, but I am very resistant to admitting that I am not coping or talking to anyone except my very supportive manager who is probably sick to death of me by now. It doesn't help that in my job a mistake can mean that someone dies. I have no idea what the solution is and have no advice, but I hope CBT does help you to get through this.

Would love there to be an easy solution. Until then.... There's wine. And boxsets.

It's reassuring to hear other views but at the same time sad to know other people are feeling similar

What dose of escitalopram are you on? Honestly cbt should help. We all make mistakes. Its keeping fears of mistakes in perspective. Amd as a pp said it wont matter next year, let alone when youre 80.

I had three months of that, it was temporary then went back to old job. I think not knowing if I was doing a good job, lack of feedback, made it worse. There are some key aspects I've gone back to learning. I feel that it was a good experience as I realised how much I didn't know. And shattered any illusions I had. Try and notice the small victories. Take comfort in the fact that other people probably haven't noticed. Try not to spend all weekend stewing. Like literally get up and do something else absorbing, anything for a few hours. That's all I learned. On the plus side one thing I have had a lot of anxiety over at work fell into place the other day! It happens!

Some fantastic advice on this thread so thank you all so much.

It's more or less confirmed what I know already. Job hunting needs to step up a gear