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Original poster

Help me! Left a team meeting in tears

23 replies

Almahart · 03/10/2019 11:11

My H and I are separating, my job is on the line (found out yesterday) and it’s the anniversary of my dad’s death.

Our new director asked us to do an exercise where we filled in four quarters of a shield including one representing home.

I just walked out and now I can’t stop crying. I am a senior middle aged person.

Am in Pret now with food and drink but just feel so weepy

OP posts:
Original poster
Almahart · 03/10/2019 11:13

I wasn’t in tears when I left but new director can’t and found me in the kitchen and I was in absolute floods. I haven’t cried at work ever really, last time I was in my twenties

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/10/2019 11:14

I think maybe you need to explain privately to your manager that you're splitting with your husband and it's recent so rhe exercise hit home, and that you understand you can't bring your problems to work and that it won't happen again.

As a one off it's fine if you apologise.

MeggyMeg · 03/10/2019 11:15

Flowers what would you say if a friend told you the same thing ? Probably something along the lines of be gentle with yourself, you have alot going on and it doesnt matter how senior or middle aged you are, you're also only human. Maybe take the rest of the day off if possible.

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 03/10/2019 11:17

I agree with Bluntness and MeggyMeg.

Sorry things are so bad today Flowers.

Armi · 03/10/2019 11:18

I’m so sorry you feel this way. It’s awful when everything seems to come along in a huge wave and engulf you.

When you have had your coffee and recovered your equilibrium, I would suggest emailing your director (it’s easier to do and maintain composure than speaking face to face initially) to explain. Offer to meet to discuss it.

I hope you feel better soon. It’s of no actual use, but I’m thinking of you.

LucieFurr · 03/10/2019 11:18

I'm sorry you're so upset. It's totally understandable that you reacted in the way you did. Sometimes things just get too much to deal with. Be as kind to yourself as you would to someone else in your position Flowers

Soola · 03/10/2019 11:21

The crying will have done you good by releasing bottles up feelings so don’t feel bad about crying! It’s the body’s response to stress.

So tell your manager that you are splitting up with your husband and the exercise concerning your home life made you emotional.

Original poster
Almahart · 03/10/2019 11:26

Thanks all. Not feeling much better. Think it triggered some unresolved feelings about my dad’s death.

OP posts:
Original poster
Almahart · 03/10/2019 11:26

Grief

OP posts:
sashh · 03/10/2019 11:28

I think it is quite understandable that you were upset, hopefully someone will have filled the manager in.

Turn it around and tell the director that some exercises are going to be upsetting for some employees and perhaps some warning would be on offer.

Enjoy your coffee.

Original poster
Almahart · 03/10/2019 11:29

Well yes I did wonder. I’ve never had to do anything about my home life in a work situation without warning before. I could have processed it and come up with something light hearted

OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 03/10/2019 11:35

Perhaps they should be apologising to you.
It is always a high-risk approach to ask people to reflect on their personal lives in a work context. An experienced facilitator would know this and frame things appropriately.

TheOrigBrave · 03/10/2019 11:39

Hugs. Sometimes our personal lives do impact on our professional lives. We are all human and it would take a cold-hearted bastard to find any fault in your behaviour today.

I am a very private person in the work place, but during my incredibly difficult divorce I felt a responsibility to inform my boss what was going on as I knew I was not putting 100% in. He could not have been more understanding and it took a massive load of pressure off me. I hope your manager is as supportive.

Blossie0 · 03/10/2019 11:39

I think it was unprofessional for him to create a task about home life in the work place - you aren't the unprofessional one for crying and you certainly don't need to apologise.
He has no idea what people are dealing with at home.

I think compose yourself, explain the absolute basics about why you are upset and if he's a reasonable human he should show you some empathy.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, go home tonight cook your favourite tea have a massive glass of wine and call someone close who you feel you can offload to.

TigerJoy · 03/10/2019 11:48

You absolutely do not need to apologise to anyone.

I'm sorry you had this experience - i know how upsetting it is to get so upset and cry at work. It happened to me too recently and I've never done it before, it really shook me that I lost my composure like that so I know how unsettling it is.

Do whatever you need to get yourself back to equilibrium. That includes taking the rest of the day off or working from home.

You don't need to explain what happened but if you want to, you can just say you were a bit blindsided by the request and it brought up some difficult feelings for you on the anniversary of a bereavement. That you'll be happy to complete the exercise on your own and share with the team another day.

I'm sorry for your loss, losing a parent is really hard, no matter your age. I'm sorry for your divorce as well. Be kind to yourself.

JaneEyreAgain · 03/10/2019 11:53

Asking an employee to reflect on life, one day after informing them that their job is at risk is a serious error in judgement. The issues around your separation and grief aside, I hope you director can see this.

I wish you the very best and hope you find a way through.

Bumfuzzled · 03/10/2019 11:58

If your job is on the line why on earth are they fancying about with ridiculous team exercises? They are pointless wankery at the best of times!

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. I don’t blame you for crying Flowers

bookwormsforever · 03/10/2019 12:11

Urgh, what a ridiculously wanky thing to do. Frigging shields?? The day after saying your job was on the line? Bollocks to them, OP.

I agree with @MaybeDoctor too.

Be kind to yourself. Flowers

TigerJoy · 03/10/2019 12:11

These are excellent points asking you to open up about yourself at work the day after you've found out your job is at risk is really unprofessional. It was unfair of the new director to put you in that situation.

Hannah021 · 03/10/2019 12:13

Im trying to process that excercise! What has it got to do with work? I'd ask them kindly to leave home stuff for home, with out apologising

Original poster
Almahart · 03/10/2019 12:48

She’s brand new to the organisation. Haven’t been formally notified but writing is on wall (long story)

OP posts:
YouokHun · 03/10/2019 13:25

If your job is on the line why on earth are they fancying about with ridiculous team exercises? They are pointless wankery at the best of times

^ this. Utter toss along with NLP and all the other “team building” cod psychology designed to distract people and tick boxes. Especially misplaced when jobs are on the line and when they are asking you to consider or disclose things outside work that are part of your personal life.

ConfCall · 03/10/2019 18:57

What a stupid idea. They’re at fault here OP. That said, I’m sure that it was done with good intentions. It was just rather ill-advised and risky. No one knows what’s going on for people at home.

So sorry you’re going through a tough time.

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