Affair Ended

[WFRS]

I'm 39 years old in an unhappy marriage with two children. I fell in love with by best friend who is 42 and also married with three children. We knew each other for over six years and never knew that either of us liked women. We started an affair which lasted 18 months - both of us wanted to be with each other and still say we will always love each other. Neither of us are happy with our husbands hate sex and intimacy with them but were stuck due to mortgage obligations and feel there is no way out. We were always waiting for lottery win, neither of us feel guilty with regards to our husbands (which I know is bad). Everything we did just felt right and if we had met before we were married had children I really feel we would have worked. She recently ended it as was tired of the emotional roller coaster as there was no way out for us. We still keep in touch but I'm so down - feel like I don't want to be here anymore - I'm trying to stay strong for my children. Neither of our husbands are aware of the affair - the only people we have hurt are ourselves. I know what we did was wrong - but I truly love her and still want an happy ever after with her which we will never have. Life sucks and I know everyone is thinking my poor husband - but he is not that great and is emotianlly abusive - I've never questioned my sexuality before which is also messing with my head. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thtftf

Staying with your husbands because of mortgage obligations is crazy, a bit of a lame excuse really.

were stuck due to mortgage obligations and feel there is no way out

Couples with mortgages split up all the time. You might not be able to maintain the same lifestyle financially, but there's always a way out if that's what you want.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but It sounds like neither of you want to be with each other that much, otherwise you would have been prepared to make some sacrifices that affected you personally.

Your relationship with your DH is clearly not going to last forever so if you genuinely love this woman then do something about it.

I know its crazy and a waste of my life - but really feel stuck and easier said than done - also what about the kids ? Not only would we break up a family but they would also have to deal with their mum being in a same sex relationship

If two people are meant to be together, they will be. Life is too short to live with regrets. Mourning a lost love is going to ruin your life way more than not having financial security.

I get why you'd feel guilty about having had an affair and explaining that to the DC.

But there's nothing wrong with same sex relationships and I suggest you have some counselling if you can't get past that.

I suspect that lesbian relationships have a negative association for you as yours started as an illicit affair - it's having an affair that was the bad part, not the fact it was with a woman!

I don't feel negative towards the lesbian relationship and know there is nothing wrong with being Lesbian - felt totally right and never been happier. More that it was a surprise that I felt it now - what are the chances of two middle aged women who happen to be friends feeling this for the first time with each other ??

Just wish we were both stronger and not wimps who are taking the easier way out

Life is too short not to grab at happiness. Your children will understand.

Affair aside - you do not, nor should not, stay with an abusive husband. Mortgage or no - you should not be with him.