worrying texts to ds12 from ‘ex girlfriend’

[sunshineandshowers21]

my son is 12, just started secondary school, and most of his friends have ‘girlfriends.’ a couple of weeks ago a girl in his year ‘asked him out’ and he said yes, though he’s told me that he didn’t really want to but because his friends have ‘girlfriends’ he felt like he should. anyway, last night i looked at my son’s phone because he was acting a little out of sorts. on his messages there was a text conversation between him and the girl (who i’ll call A). i read the texts, which started out with my son texting A saying that he wanted to ‘split up’ with her. from there A has since been repeatedly texting my son saying things that are really troubling me. she’s saying that she’s fat and ugly (she really isn’t, she’s a very pretty girl) and that she wishes she was dead. she’s posting videos on tiktok of her crying hysterically. she’s sending huge long texts telling my son that she loves him and that he’s the only good thing in her life (they were ‘together’ for about two weeks, and they’re 12 years old!). her friends are also texting my son saying that if A kills herself it will be my son’s fault. i’ve removed my son’s phone at this time, but he’s worrying himself sick about this girl and her possible actions. i’m just at a total loss on how i should deal with this. should i inform the school or A’s mum about A’s behaviour?

I think I’d take the phone and talk to the school, showing them the messages.

I wouldn’t talk to her mum, as the messages make her sound like a mixed up girl so some shit must be going on at home to have messed the kid up

I'd screenshot the messages, but agree with taking them, the phone into school and having a talk.

I would talk to her mum if you know her well enough. If this was my dd I would want to know asap.

School rather than parent, I think.

What a mess for you to try to negotiate. Chances are this is a case of what I believe is called "sadfishing" (seeking attention on social media by pretending to have genuine depression when in fact you haven't, you're just being a drama llama), but you have to play it safe because there's a chance this girl has genuine mental health issues/problems elsewhere she's displacing onto her non existent "relationship", which is something the school should be best placed to handle.

Oh and 12 year old girls can be highly dramatic. Lots of dds friends post crying photos on Instagram all the time. I know for a fact they have happy homes.

I'd definitely ask to speak to someone at school and show them the messages. They can then contact the parents

Sounds overwhelmingly likely that A is just parroting the sort if melodrama she's seen online/in soap operas/in 'reality' TV. She may even have convinced herself this is a terrible tragedy in her own little world and she may have poor self esteem, but it's very unlikely she'll actually do anything.

Pass it on to the school immediately (send them copies of the messages) and let them handle it. Block her number on your son’s phone and wash your hands of her. She’s not your problem and your poor son shouldn’t have to deal with that shit!

Try and teach him it’s OK to say no to someone who asks him out.

thank you for the advice everyone. i’ve called the school and have an appointment with the head of year tomorrow morning to discuss this issue. i’ll take my son’s phone to show them what’s been happening and let them take it from there. my son’s been upset today at school but luckily my friend’s daughter is a couple of years above him and she has spent lunch with him today and walked home with him. according to her A has form for being a bit dramatic and attention seeking so i’m hoping that this is just that and there isn’t anything deeper going on and it will all blow over soon.

I think maybe school needs to have a word with that yeargroup about life not being a soap-opera, it's unfair on others to be a drama-llama and most things are not worth a massive reaction and you'll look pretty daft if you over-react.