Feel like I’m losing my mind- newborn/feeding

[SRK16]

Sorry don’t know if there’s a better place to post this but wanted to get some traffic. I have a beautiful three day old baby and I’m very lucky that he latches well and will go on the breast. However I don’t have enough supply to match his appetite; really didn’t want to use formula as worried about it interfering with breast feeding, but am having to top up as he is so hungry and can’t leave him like that. Fine- I can accept that he needs formula but am really struggling with him screaming and crying. It makes me so upset- I feel horrific, I can’t explain it I think it’s probably hormonal. I can’t stop crying, I feel nuts, i can’t think. I feel like it’s okay for me to be upset but I’m probably out of proportion to what’s going on. Husband is saying my mental state is worrying him but I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do about that, I can’t help how I feel or that I can’t stop crying. Am trying to get help from lactation consultant but don’t know what else to do.
Anyone who has any advice or tips or comfort would be appreciated. I don’t know what to do and feel like I can’t cope. I love him so much and I just want him to be happy.

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. You are definitely not alone.
You are right at the baby blues stage and that’s why your emotions will be everywhere , and the lack of sleep. I was the same with both of mine around the same time.
Is your Baby settled when he’s feeding from the breast?
If so he’s maybe suckling to increase your supply. They do feed a lot in the early days.
If he’s upset when feeding, it might be another issue like reflux . I had that with both of mine and they had a love / hate relationship with BF at first as it was comforting but also caused them discomfort.
I wouldn’t stress about the formula. I know loads of people who topped up with formula and their supply has been fine.
I’m sure some other people will be along soon.
All the best .

Three days in and it may be baby blues. Hormone levels change drastically and some people experience baby blues. Maybe see your HV and let them know how you feel. It can be tough. Giving birth is hard and then when you really need a rest you have a brand new baby to cope with. I remember day three on my first and I was similar. Thing is I don't want to minimise so just check in with HV. I'm sure they will have seen similar and are there to help. Congrats on your little one btw

I can still remember how difficult the first week was - I didn't have enough milk to begin with either and was desperately topping up with formula from a syringe. If your baby is latching well and suckling then he will be doing everything he can to stimulate your milk - it's probably still just colostrum at the moment and only produced in tiny amounts.
We formula fed for two days (bc my husband was worried about my mental health trying to breastfeed) before I woke up with a sopping wet pj top, and after that supply was no issue for me. Those two days were so hard, my emotions were all over the place and I cried buckets . It does get easier, I promise. Give your body (and hormones) time. Your baby will be fine, lots of cuddles and skin to skin contact will help you both. Sending love and support

Your milk is likely not in yet. Keep your baby on you as much as possible to huild your supply. Don't worry for the first few days babies are supposed to lose weight as they use up their fat deposits on their body. Stick with it.

Hi. I've been there with my last baby so know how you feel. One thing to consider with baby being only 3 days - has your milk come in properly yet? I think mine came in at day 4. Brought a whole host of other problems due to engorgement! Breastfeeding in hard in the early weeks. And baby blues, crying , and being overly emotional are all par for the course too. Be kind to yourself. Have lazy days filled with cuddles, tv, and chocolate in bed.
I also found my community midwives to be really supportive. I cried at them and they sent feeding advisors to visit me regularly. Have you spoken to your midwife about feeding support?

What makes you think you don't have the supply he needs? If he's wanting to keep latching on it doesn't necessarily mean that.

I cried a lot on day three! Bloody hormones. My milk didn't come in until day 5 I think (emcs). Topping up should be ok so don't worry. Just keep putting your lo fo the breast first to speed up your milk/increase supply x

Has your milk come in? You will know when it does as your breasts will suddenly become really full.

Are you due a visit from your midwife? If not perhaps ask her to come over tomorrow and talk to her about how you feel. Ask her to have a look at a feed for you.

Is there a bf support group nearby? The hospital usually give out details of the local ones and LaLeche League have quite a few.

Hang in there, it does get easier.

Ah congratulations on your new baby! It can be difficult in these early days. I cried my eyes out on day 3 😊

Why do you think you haven't got enough milk? Is it something the midwife has said or is he feeding like a little demon from 6 til midnight? Cluster feeding is typical in these early days, it's how they put their orders in for more.

Has anyone actually advised you that you need to top up, or are you doing it because you’re worried about your supply?

In case you or your DH would find it helpful to have something to read and refer to, here is a good link to information about feeding in the early days and how to know if things are going well: www.laleche.org.uk/signs-effective-feeding-early-days-2/

These first few days can be really tough, particularly with baby blues hormones. Hang in there! Speaking to a lactation consultant is a good idea too as another source of support, along with your midwife.

Ah day three. What a horrid day. I cried all day thinking I’d ruined my older DCs life by having a baby. Literally spent all day like a snotty teary mess.

I’d also wage your milk isn’t in. You’ll wake up feeling like someone has added 2lb to each boob overnight....and in the meantime it’s perfectly okay to just let him suckle it’ll help your body to start to work out that he needs more.

Lots of lansinoh at the ready and time on the sofa. You’re doing a fab job I’m sure.

They literally feed for hours at that stage. You need to leave him to do it (and I mean literally hours). They feed, fall asleep at the breast, you go to put them down, they wake, want more. Come evening they feed for 45minutes, fall asleep for 5minutes, wake up screaming as though you starved them. When they get the boob they thrash about on it, headbut it, Bob on and off, scream a bit more. It's relentless, but the formula will make it worse. You need baby to feed so your boobs know to make more.

It's so hard, the hormones, the exhaustion, the emotions. Big hugs from me.

My day 3 was horrific. Dd wasnt actually feeding much at all, but (several months after the event) I dont think it was lack of milk, just her being cranky and me being anxious. My milk came in properly by day 4/5 and she calmed after a feed much more. I was so desperate to breast feed well that the minute she opened her mouth I shoved a nipple in it and then cried when she got back off 2 seconds later, while I desperately turned my boobs every which way to try to interest her. When they feed properly, you know. If you want to top up, or have been advised to, great. If not, keep going and hopefully in the next day or so things should settle down.

Constant feeding and fussiness is normal. Baby knows what it is going! They’re getting your supply up.
Are you burping baby? We were told with DS1 that a breastfed baby didn’t need burping - absolute bull, he was miserable with wind!
If you can take to bed with baby, lots of skin to skin and feeding. Nature will take its course. Topping up will actually inhibit your supply.

themilkmeg.com/4-common-myths-around-supplementing-breastfed-baby/

Stick with it!

Thank you all so much. Cried reading your responses, obviously. Shared them with husband which I think helped him. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel but feels so far away. Ended up giving more formula this eve in the hope of sleep but plan backfired as baby just wants to be on me. Happy to have him on me but am falling asleep and scared he’ll get smothered. And I know it not long until he’ll wake again for more feeding . Want to enjoy this time buy just feel so stuck. Everyone says having a baby is hard so I don’t know why I’m so surprised at this.
Insanely jealous of husband who is loudly snoring next to me.

For the first few weeks, your sleep will be buggered. Its hideous and you will feel like utter shit, I have no nice way to sugar coat that I'm afraid!!! I slept with dd on my chest while I was propped high on pillows (cs) but better people than me will advise on co sleeping with a brand new baby. Get any bit of sleep you can and do not try and be super woman, literally fuck it all and sleep as much as you can or just chill with your baby. You are surprised by how hard it is because we assume it won't be THAT hard and it really is. But it gets better!! The next few days may be crap, maybe longer than that, but it all gets better. Keep breathing, sleep when you can, eat well.

Hi OP.

Early breastfeeding is so hard. If you haven't been advised by HCPs to offer formula then it's not necessary. Your milk will come in faster and your supply will increase faster if you stop giving it.

While you're feeding tonight, Google the "safe sleep 7", then first thing in the morning set up your bedroom so you can bedshare safely for at least a week or two.

He needs to be with you and on your breasts as much as possible. Him in just a nappy, you in just pyjama bottoms, pop some boxsets on and shove your nipple in his mouth every time he moves.

Breastmilk digests really fast, and his stomach is the size of his tiny little fist. He will feed minimum every three hours for a bit.

Once your milk has come in he'll settle down a little, and then he'll up the pace again for growth spurts, or when he gets poorly and so on.

Your job: feed the baby.
DH's job: feed you, make sure you have lots of water, hold the baby so you can shower and change, maybe take the baby for a walk in the pram so you can sleep for an hour in the morning and again in the afternoon.

If he can definitely stay awake, wake him up and get him to watch you hold the baby while you sleep for a couple of hours tonight.

In a couple of weeks this will just be a blurry memory. You need to snatch bits of sleep where you can, eat well, stay hydrated.

Mine both fed hourly at this age, the eldest we did topups and my milk came in on day 8. The youngest didn't have topups, milk came in day 4.

because it's tough, I know.

I've just read back through your OP and I forgot to mention your emotional welfare.

Newborns don't seem happy except when they're asleep! They scream and thrash about and you feel like they're starving when actually they're doing their job: asking your breasts for milk. Trust that he knows what he's doing.

Also, for the entire duration of your pregnancy, he has been part of you, tucked up warm where he can hear your voice and your heartbeat. That is all he knows. The only similar place that exists is in your arms. Anywhere else is strange and cold and a bit frightening. This is what they call the 4th trimester.

Day 3 and 4 were the hardest emotionally for me. You cry at everything.

Your body has been through a massive trauma, you are absolutely knackered, and you're in hormone overdrive. It passes. If you feel no improvement in a couple of weeks then speak to your GP just in case, but otherwise all so very normal.

The first couple of weeks are always the hardest. My dd is 9 weeks old and gradually I've been feeling more sane each week!

The constant crying will be baby blues and exhaustion but if you're getting thoughts of harming yourself or baby, please speak to a gp as it could be PND. From what you're saying though, it all sounds totally normal.

If baby is constantly wanting to feed but seems unsettled, it's likely that your milk hasn't come in yet. A few more days and it should have come through :)
Cluster feeding is normal as it encourages your body to produce more so try to just go with the flow and not worry too much. If baby is having lots of wet and dirty nappies then they're getting enough food :)

A Chicco next to me was brilliant for me in the early days. Might help you feel less anxious whilst being close to your lo x

Thank you all so much. Midwives on the ward encouraged me to top up with formula, partly as he was so hungry and distressed, but partly as they were concerned about my mental state after 12 hours of non stop feeding and no sleep in 48 hours before/after my c section.
Took it in shifts last night and I managed nearly 5 hours sleep overall. Had him on the boob a lot in the night but had bad positioning and couldn’t get a decent latch. Ended up topping up with formula. He’s been BF on and off since we woke up - keeps falling asleep. Think milk is starting to come in as boobs look bigger and feel firmer. Hoping it properly arrives within the next 24 hours and then things settle down.
Feel less insane this morning but am aware things will probably be up and down over the next few days. Still feel very emotional and tearful but I guess this is to be expected.
Found two local BF support groups on over the next week so will be going to them too. Hoping to hear from community midwives today/tomorrow.

Hi @SRK16, how has today been? Did you hear from a midwife at all? In my experience breastfeeding groups are fab to go to, lots of mums to give moral support and some really well informed peer supporters.